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Help me modify my timesharing and CS agreement!! UPDATED WITH A TWIST!

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Ex just informed me he has a job offer 3 1/2 hours away. He's been miserable at his current job, working 6 and 7 days a week, and is worried he was going to be fired in a corporate buyout anyway (restaurant industry). He's looked around here for months but no offers. 

Our current agreement says he has them 2 nights a week every other week (Sunday and Monday nights) plus one flex night during the week. In reality, he's had them a lot less than that because of said job.

The new job has offered to give him every other weekend off. He's proposing we meet half way and the kids go there 2 weekends a month. I'm thinking he comes here one weekend a month and they go there one weekend? He's welcome to stay here if he wants. 

Kids are 14 and 7 and very active in their activities, including weekends. 

Any ideas for a good revision to the time sharing? 

On CS, he'd be making almost $10K a year less. I think he should still keep the support at least at the same amount, as he will have them a lot less than the 40% on which we based that amount. 

What do you think? 

Thanks in advance for all replies. 

Sorry--here's an update with a twist! 

Ok so dx hits me with the news last night that he's moving 3 1/2 hours away and moving in with a gf I never knew existed and the kids have never met! 

And he thinks it would be great if I had coffee with her today. HELP! 

A couple relevants: 

  • He will be taking a $10K cut in pay to move and plans to make ends meet by moving in with his gf. She doesn't have children. My kids are 7 and 14. 
  • He says he met this girl 3 years ago when we were separated-- he was living 3 hours away b/c of work. This was a time when we were supposed to be "trying to work things out" (I guess one of us was trying!) and they dated for 6 months. During that year he was away and seeing her, he only managed to see the kids 4-5 times, twice when I drove them up. The past couple years while he and I were definitlely through, she moved to another state and I guess they've been in touch, doing long-distance off and on during that time. 
  • I told him I thought it might be a good idea for the kids' sake to ease into it a little, maybe rent his own apartment for 6 months and see how it goes? Introduce them first, have them build a rapport? His call for sure, I just want them to be in a good situation.
  • We're trying to arrange the details of back-and-forth (suggestions welcome)
  • While I don't exactly agree with the way they've brought this all about, I want him to be happy and can put the personal stuff behind me. He's a great dad. 
  • Have to add--he has never spent much time at all with the kids! He has worked 80+ hours a week throughout the entire marriage. He does the minimum now in picking them up for "his" nights, at 8pm. So this new arrangement wouldn't be much of a change for anyone. He's there in spirit, but rarely in person. 

So my question to all you moms and stepmoms is--what is relevant to discuss at this first meeting? What do you wish you had known, said or discussed? How can we get this whole thing off on the best foot possible? 

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:34 PM
Replies (11-11):
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:28 PM

Ooh, thanks! Great info. That's what I thought, but couldn't confirm. Someone else mentioned that he's probably made an arrangement to get part of his pay under the table. I wouldn't be surprised. 

We have something that says that we are to agree on the activities and each pay half, and that they are not to miss them. So the next thing he'll do is not approve activities. 

I don't want to bleed him dry. I want to be fair. I just don't think it's fair to burden me with an extra ? $200 a month or more for his move. 

Quoting rsmeyer54:

If he took the pay decrease, regardless the reason the court will NOT refigure the amount in his favor.  2ndly 10,000 is nothing in the court system.  Also, he will be at an advantage not disadvantage financially.  He will be living in a 2 income house where there are not other kids that he needs to help support.  Also, in our divorce decree it states that the children are not expected to miss their activities.  Good luck!

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