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One hell of a divorce.... What was I thinking?!

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM
  • 7 Replies

I know everyone has their own story with divorce and custody battles. This is mine....

I left my husband of 4 years in July. After he overdosed Jan 2012 and continued to lie and do drugs, which resulted with my kids being left in the house my themselves while I was at work, I had had enough. The day after I left him I changed my bank account and took $2,000(he had $78,000) out of our joint bank, becuase I had to quit my job to move back home. Three weeks after I left him and made it clear my daughter and I were not coming back(he has an 8yo son that I raised and I couldnt take him with me) he had a woman(who is married with 2 kids) move in with him. He told me he wanted joint custody where he would get her two weeks a month and I get her two weeks. Let me say before I left him my dd spent 3 nights away from me and she was only 19mo. I told him absolutely not. I couldnt trust him to watch them for 2 hours before the babysitter got there let alone 2 weeks. At first we were just going to agree on everything and wait until our year of seperation was up to get divorced. Well.... when I asked him to help me with our dd he would always find some reason he couldnt. Or some reason why he couldnt come see her. Thats when I told my lawyer Im not agreeing to anything. He will be court ordered before I back down. We went to court in Oct for our temporary order and I had him drug tested in the courthouse. He wasnt happy about that. Before he found out I had hired someone to do that he wanted unsupervised visitation. That didnt happen!! He backed down real quick when the judge say yes on the drug test. He was also court ordered to pay child support starting in Oct. He hasnt paid a dime by the way and tells me that the $2,000 I took out compensated for child support. The judge knew I took the money out of his account(that had my name on it also). Since Oct he has gotten his daughter 5 times (supervised visitation with his mother being the supervisor every other weekend). It is Feb. 9, 2013 and he has not seen nor talked to his daughter since Christmas. The sad part is she is going to 2 on the 14th and I dont think he will call her let alone come see her.

 

His fiance(since Nov. that is wearing my wedding ring and knows it) has called me when she gets mad at him and tells me all the drugs hes on and that hes hit her and pulled a gun on her. Also that he owes his drug dealer so much money that they were threatening to kill them and the kids.  All kinds of crap. Now that she isnt "mad" at him she tells me that if I would let him see his daughter when he wanted and not go through the courts that maybe he wouldnt have a problem helping me or paying child support. I think she thinks Im stupid because there is no way the world would I willingly give my child over to a man that could care less about her and does drugs. Sorry. Nope. Not happening. I feel so bad for my dd. I went through the same thing as a child where my mother cared about me one minute and not the next. It hurts me worse now seeing my baby go through the same thing. So every other weekend I do what I am court ordered to do. I am at my house with my dd waiting at 6pm to see if he shows up WITH his mother. I have no phone number to reach him because he changed it so I wouldnt call and he wont call me back when I leave messages with his parents or his fiance. The thing that frustrates me the most about all of this is that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I can support my child without his help. I can raise her and give her what she needs without him hurting her. He takes care of his fiances children with no problem but cant take care of his own. His son is currently living with his mother since I left. I wish I had some way of having his rights taken from my dd. Right now she isnt old enough to know what is going on but she will be soon enough. I am hoping and praying that things will change one way or another before she gets to that age. Sorry for the long post but I found this website and am hoping to get support from others who are going through the same thing!

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM
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Replies (1-7):
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, you and your daughter have been through so much.  I think it's a good thing that you're no longer with this man who care so much about his drugs and so little about those who love him.

Welcome to the group.

brieri
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:38 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

EachNewBreath
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:57 AM

OIE I could have writen this post myself! My husband left us because he didnt want to be a husband or a father, then moved one of his gfs in and "adopted" her three kids. umm wth?

he has a LOT of our things which he will not give back and has not paid an cs. 

He wants nothing to do with my son though which is just GREAT!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Welcome!!! I'm glad you found us!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lacysmom289
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:43 AM

I left just about everything there. I got almost all of my daughters stuff and my clothes, but I left all my furniture. I told him he could keep it and I will just start over from scratch. I get blamed for him not seeing his daughter. His family blames me for everything. He convinced them that I just didnt want to be with him anymore and just decided to leave. Even after he overdosed they still dont believe he is on drugs. Kills me! My daughters birthday is thursday and I doubt any of them will call. Its sad what "parents" put their kids through for there own happiness.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:46 PM

hugs!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:20 PM

Welcome to the group.   I was married to a very selfish man, too.  He left me and our DD for his tramp.  He ended up fathering two more kids with her, too.  My ex cared about me and our DD as much as more than likely cares about his latest fling and two more kids he can't even afford. 

Hugs to you!

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