Struggling, and hoping I can get over somethings..Before my babygirl is born
I'm 33 years old and pregnant with my first! Everything happens for a reason, and I believe I have a miracle. No one knows my story. But I did post it up here yesterday for a hour. Then I deleted it, because I felt I was getting nothing but negative feed back. Everyone has a story of why they are a single mother. And everyone's situation is different then others. I thought this place was for us to come together and support each other!?! After last night, I wish I didn't delete my story. But the first two comments-along with my pregnancy hormones. I just said screw it-because the ladies that left comments don't even know me. I felt like they were judging me. Anyways, I'm going to try and over come that. I wasn't married, I didn't know the baby's daddy long, and one of my many regrets. The truth of the matter is my babygirl was concieved out of the heat of the moment and lust. I do kick myself in the butt; because, I wasn't sure how long birth control stays in your system. I figured since I was on the pills; since I was a teenager. That I couldn't get pregnant. But I had heard of cases, of missing one day-and getting pregnant. Or being on the pill-getting pregnant. I should of been safer! But once again everything happens for a reason. I could sit here and make up excuses, but the matter of the fact is. I have a miracle growing inside of me.
But I then, I think about the day I found out I was pregnant and told my ex I was. Up until I found out the truth, he was all happy about it. But when I found out it was true- it's like a part of him changed. Within the same hour of telling him, he got mad at me; because I called my bestfriend of all people. He has children previously, but this was my first one. Of course, when I look back at all of our arguments. I feel like, I was the one trying my hardest to advoid arguing and the stress. And I would try to explain to him, let me calm down and think about things. But most of the arguments, would just keep esculating. I will admit that I'm stubborn. But, I don't trust guys easily. Especially, since my first true love (fiance') was killed in Afganistan. (2005). It took me 5 or 6 yrs to get serious again. The last guy I was serious with, was a alcoholic, verbally, mentally abusive amongst other down falls.
Anyways, back to the baby's daddy. He's 35 years old, and has 2 kids, for sure. And there are 2 others, I'm not sure about. But one his grandmother takes care of and she looks like him. And the other I guess I'll never know the truth. There are many reasons why I didn't take him back, when he tried to get back with me. I took him back the first time we broke up. I tried to get over the fact that he said he was going to make me have an abortion. But the next day, we got into another intensive argument and the cops came to my house. I was struggling to make things work. But after that, he went maybe a week and a half. And then the arguments seemed like they were back to the normal. And he started getting stupid and dangerous. The second time he broke up me, I decided for the best of my fetus and me. He continued on with empty threats, etc. I changed my number. He showed up at a friend's house trying to get back with me. I told him no, not until; I seem better changes. Because i don't trust him. I finally quit talking to him before New Years. I want nothing to do with him. But I want to get over this anger. Because, I don't want to be negative towards my daugther. I'm 20 weeks 6 days pregnant and due June 23. I don't want to talk bad about him. I doubt he will change. He doesn't even take care of the children he has now. Sorry for such a long post.