My son is also 9 years old. When he was about 6 months old his father was deported. He asks me every now and then where his father is and other questions about him. I try to keep my answers simple yet honest. I don't want him to grow up and then be angry because I wasn't up front with him but at 9 years old it is all still too much for him to fully understand. I have told him about his dad, his name, that he use to live in the US but went back to the Dominican Republic. I have told him about the DR and the culture. The answers so far have seemed to satisfy him. But I am sure as they get older they will only have more and more questions.
Good luck
Been there, felt your pain. Nothing hurts as much as seeing that in their eyes.
I always gave my dd the old "he is a good guy, we just were not meant to be together" routine. When she was 6 she bursts out crying and says "if he's such a good guy, why did he leave me without a father?" Broke my heart.
I made the mistake of contacting him when she was about 12, basically asking him to have a relationship with her. He dumped me when I was pregnant, saying "if she ever wants a relationship with me when she's older, like 16, I'd never deny her that." Big mistake. He wrote her the coldest letter, it devastated her. Sent a few pictures. More like--here, hope this satisfies your curiosity. Now go away.
I still think it's important to show him pictures of his father and give him a few more details. And say you're sorry, that you don't understand how any man could not be part of their child's life.
I've never been in your position, but I would be honest with him about everything. Just don't go much into detail.
I haven't been in this position, so I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe just continue to explain to him that you & his father did not work out and his dad has made the decision that it would be better for your son to not be in his life.
Wow my daughter is only 6 months but I am anticipating those questions...thanks! And good luck to you all!
My daughter just turned 8 and we are having issues as well. She understands that her father left when she was a little girl. I have no idea where she is. Lately, she has been pleading for me to remarry so that she can have a father. She does not understand that I'm not there yet. Now, she's acting out in school (lying, seeking attention from boys, etc) and I don't know what I'm supposed to do...
Good news, im so excited!
- Onlychild1
on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:50 PM