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9 year old asking about his father

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:50 PM
  • 10 Replies
Hello my name is Anne my son is 9. His father moved away when my so was2 we could not afford are apt I moved to my parents house with my son and he moved with his dad out of state. My so. Is 9. Now that he is 9 he KNOWS HE DOESN'T have a farther. I told him I had a boyfriend and he moved away. It just hurts so dam much inside. I don't know what to do.
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kathyw904
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:44 AM

My son is also 9 years old.  When he was about 6 months old his father was deported.  He asks me every now and then where his father is and other questions about him.  I try to keep my answers simple yet honest.  I don't want him to grow up and then be angry because I wasn't up front with him but at 9 years old it is all still too much for him to fully understand.  I have told him about his dad, his name, that he use to live in the US but went back to the Dominican Republic.  I have told him about the DR and the culture.  The answers so far have seemed to satisfy him.  But I am sure as they get older they will only have more and more questions.

Good luck

Lurion
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:52 AM
2 moms liked this

Been there, felt your pain. Nothing hurts as much as seeing that in their eyes. 

I always gave my dd the old "he is a good guy, we just were not meant to be together" routine. When she was 6 she bursts out crying and says "if he's such a good guy, why did he leave me without a father?" Broke my heart. 

I made the mistake of contacting him when she was about 12, basically asking him to have a relationship with her. He dumped me when I was pregnant, saying "if she ever wants a relationship with me when she's older, like 16, I'd never deny her that." Big mistake. He wrote her the coldest letter, it devastated her. Sent a few pictures. More like--here, hope this satisfies your curiosity. Now go away. 

I still think it's important to show him pictures of his father and give him a few more details. And say you're sorry, that you don't understand how any man could not be part of their child's life. 

mytrueloveS
by Lori on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:57 AM

I've never been in your position, but I would be honest with him about everything.  Just don't go much into detail.  

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I haven't been in this position, so I'm not sure what I'd do.  Maybe just continue to explain to him that you & his father did not work out and his dad has made the decision that it would be better for your son to not be in his life.

Onlychild1
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:01 PM
I don't think I'm ready to pull out the pictures of his father when he was a baby I have been clean for 23 months I'm going to start thearpy soon cause this shit is takeing me down a road I don't want to go. It's just so hard
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Bump for more eyes
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LaBelladreamer
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:14 AM
1 mom liked this
I understand your pain. My little girl is only 3 but constantly ask where her daddy is. I can only imagine what it feels like to have a bigger kid ask the real questions. Hopefully the therapy helps or maybe even helps you figure out a way to deal with your son's questions. Good luck.
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Imaeve2000
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow my daughter is only 6 months but I am anticipating those questions...thanks! And good luck to you all! 

mamaslove28
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:18 PM

My daughter just turned 8 and we are having issues as well.  She understands that her father left when she was a little girl.  I have no idea where she is.  Lately, she has been pleading for me to remarry so that she can have a father.  She does not understand that I'm not there yet.  Now, she's acting out in school (lying, seeking attention from boys, etc) and I don't know what I'm supposed to do...

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Tell him the truth, that y'all weren't happy together and that he moved away. But don't ever tell him his dad didn't want or love him.
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