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Military wives, soon to be ex-wives?

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I'm curious if there are other moms who are dealing with a husband who came back from deployment only to leave to be with a woman they met and served with during deployment.  UUGGHH!!  We were married for almost 20 years when he left for this "Captain" he had only known a year or so.  Our divorce is not final.  He filed over 6 months ago, and it just sits there.  I have been praying, but don't see any clear direction.  I don't want a divorce, and I'm not going to do it for him.  He filed on our 20th Wedding aniversary.  Nice, don't you think?

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:34 PM
Replies (11-19):
steviechick
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:16 PM

 


Quoting mrsary:

I am so sorry all of you have had to go through that. I don't think highly of majority of Army married men. I have seen what goes on when we are deployed... even at home it happens a lot. Not all are like that, just majority I have seen! A lot of times they tell us they are single and we have no idea they are married. That hurts so much. Especially since its always after we are in love we find out about a wife.


 Well, shame on the military men for cheating and being scumbags.  Not only to their wives but to the women they are involved with as well.

dawncs
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 4:59 PM

You should make sure in the settlement that you are entitled to half or part of his pension since he reached 20 years in the military. There are some military groups in Cafemom.com, and you should consult them for more ideas to help you with this.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:40 PM
Hugs I'm sorry
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greensgirl
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 9:35 AM
My ex cheated on me while deployed, 2 deployments, 2 affairs. I found out about the first after the divorce. First one resulted in a pregnancy that he refused to have anything to do with. Second was with a tramp that knew he was married and so was she. Both had small children at home also. But here is the best part, before i found out about the affair, that dumb ass actually tried talking me in to a "fake" divorce! He said if we divorced and I signed off on my DD's, he could tell the army I abandoned them and he would get to come home early and we would get re-married and give custody of DD's back! I found e-mails soon after from her to him saying as soon as I was out of the picture they could be a real family. I filed for divorce immediately, and never looked back.
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steviechick
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:57 AM

 


Quoting greensgirl:

My ex cheated on me while deployed, 2 deployments, 2 affairs. I found out about the first after the divorce. First one resulted in a pregnancy that he refused to have anything to do with. Second was with a tramp that knew he was married and so was she. Both had small children at home also. But here is the best part, before i found out about the affair, that dumb ass actually tried talking me in to a "fake" divorce! He said if we divorced and I signed off on my DD's, he could tell the army I abandoned them and he would get to come home early and we would get re-married and give custody of DD's back! I found e-mails soon after from her to him saying as soon as I was out of the picture they could be a real family. I filed for divorce immediately, and never looked back.


 Wow!  I thought my ex was the biggest scumbag ever.  Hugs to you, mama!  hugging

mom2one153
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:43 PM

Thanks for all the great support.  We are on the path to divorce.  However, he has been willing to give me pretty much what I want.  I just wonder if it will be enough for the future.  We chose to Homeschool our DD and we both want that to continue.  I just want to be sure I have enough money so I don't have to go back to work full-time.  Any thots on how much is enough?

steviechick
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:00 PM

You need to check with JAG about stbx's rank - how much he has to give you and for how long.   I know the military takes care of families during separation and after divorce.  If your stbx wants a continued career in the military he has to comply with whatever financial agreement you come up with.  You WILL get paid by the military and there won't be any problems.  Your stbx's co or perhaps first sergeant will see to that. 

My ex decided to get out of the NG because he knew he wouldn't be able to pay me what I asked for.  He's a total loser anyway.   Military is better off without him. 

mom2one153
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:06 PM

He retired last March.  We have been separated for over 2 years now.

He is just now finally making up his mind to finish all the paperwork for the divorce, he wants.  So... there is no military $$ except the retirement.  That will not come for almost 15+ years.

I just want to be sure I haven't forgotten anything.

 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Ugh I'm sorry. I've read it's a bit common. Could be PTSD and also sometimes those in military or law enforcement who are married to civilians end up finding thy have little in common w spouses that don't fully understand them. It's sad.
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