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He threated to sue for custody LOL

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:14 PM
  • 20 Replies

DS is 15. He has lived with me since I left his dad 13 years ago. And, he does not want to live there. I take him to all appointments and school commitments. His dad may drop off/pick up occassionally if he doesn't have anything else to do.DS hasn't seen his dad in almost 3wks because his dad completely overreacted when DS "went behind his back" and told me he hadn't taken him to practice yet because that was "disrespectful". He was yelling, DS was in tears and he kept yelling because what DS was saying, although truthful and in a respectful manner, wasn't what his dad wanted to hear (especially when he told him he wasn't going there on what would've been the next visitation day because he was upset and wanted to cool off). Then when they finally talked Wed and made plans for DS to go there Thurs,  his dad sent a text a few min later telling him to stay here instead because they had a ballgame and a similar excuse was given today for DS not going with them to a hs basketball game because DS "didn't seem like he really wanted to go". He's a teen, he doesn't seem excited or like he really wants to do anything. lol

His father is remarried and has 3 stepkids who are active in many sports. His father coaches most, if not all, of his stepdaughters' sports and takes off work to take them to various appointments but unable to take off if DS has an appointment and unwilling to pick DS up after group therapy so he can see him on "his day". If he can't arrange his schedule so he can see his bio child every other weekend and on two pre-set days per week, and he can't take DS to any appointments, how in the hell does he think he can care for him full time??? He does pay child support and I'm thankful for that but he's completely obvlivious to his son's special emotional needs.

Who even threatens to sue for custody of a 15yo when they constantly ask their ex to pick up their slack anyway? He threatened to sue for 50/50 a few years ago and said I couldn't prove him unfit like that automatically granted him joint custody. I don't think he has the slightest clue what's involved with petitioning the court for sole custody. Honestly, I don't know everything involved because I've never gone to court for custody but I don't think I have much to worry about. DS's doctors, therapist, teachers, and coach know me. They have probably never talked to his dad. I've started keeping a journal of all the times he calls/texts saying he can't get DS when he's supposed to (just wish I would've done it continuously) but January alone shows a pattern because he was doing those things before threatening to sue once he realized cs will be increased. If he hasn't been involved for the past 5 years and was barely involved before then, I don't see him convincing a judge, or anyone, he'll be involved enough to be primary caregiver now.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Nope. If that's the whole story he won't find a judge anywhere to grant it. Odds are an attorney will tell him the same thing if he really carries it that far. Keeping track of things is a good idea though just in case.
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RaevynEvermore
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:32 PM

Pretty sure once your son hits a certain age, he gets to choose who he lives with

dawncs
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:37 PM
1 mom liked this

At your son's age, the judge would almost likely talk to your son about his preferences. If it is not over just because he is spoiled there or Dad has no rules, custody would remain the same. The judge would look like he never contested it for years why would he now. I recommend getting letters from his therapists, coach, and teachers over the years showing your involvement with your son along with documenting any contact like with visitation or telephone contact with you from now on. Also, the teachers would probably remember if he was involved in the meetings or not. You can also use his IEPs and other school documents against him especially if he was never involved in the IEP process. They keep all signatures on file.

828momof2
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:20 PM

 

That's pretty much the whole story. His dad did step up about 6yrs ago when I went through a major depression and kept him a few days during the week and took him to school but other than that, I've always made sure DS gets to school, gone to all parent/teacher meetings, taken him to dr appointments, and took him to a therapist to make sure he was ok mentally since he seems to internalize everything. He was diagnosed with Aspergers about 3yrs ago, goes to a therapist monthly, and his dad has never gone to one therapy session despite me asking him constantly in the beginning and scheduling the appointments on Friday when his dad usually didn't work. Plus, I rearrange my schedule constantly at the last minute when his dad tells me he has something else to do and either can't pick up DS, can't bring him home on time, or can't take him where he needs to go. His dad can provide much better financially but I'm working on getting back on my feet financially, went back to school, just graduated with my BS, working part-time and actively seeking a full-time, higher paying position.

Quoting Robsessed98:

Nope. If that's the whole story he won't find a judge anywhere to grant it. Odds are an attorney will tell him the same thing if he really carries it that far. Keeping track of things is a good idea though just in case.


 

Pink.Frosting
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:25 PM

Just sounds like he was mad and was wanting to throw his weight around.  I really don't think you have any worries.

828momof2
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:33 PM

 

That's what I thought, too. But, when I was trying to find out what age it is in NC, I read there's no set age when a child's preference carries much weight. In this case, since DS wants to live here, has lived here, and I'm the one who's always done what needed to be done, I'm sure that would help my case. But, if he wanted to go to his dad's because he got more material things or had less responsibilities, I don't think a judge would necessarily let him since his dad can't/won't do what he needs to do for DS.

Quoting RaevynEvermore:

Pretty sure once your son hits a certain age, he gets to choose who he lives with


 

828momof2
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:34 PM

 

I think DS may have more rules and chores here than at his dad's because I'm a single mom with 2 kids and feel he's perfectly capable of helping out. :) He doesn't want to live at his dad's because he can see how he's treated differently from his stepsisters. I respect his privacy here and typically don't go in his room while he's gone but he does know I can and will periodically look through his phone and FB with or without his prior knowledge. He knows he will be held accountable for his behavior and the child I see, is not the "disrespectful" child his father describes over there. If his dad actually finds a lawyer to represent him or figures out how to file for custody himself, I'll get more records from the school and doctors. But, for now, I'll just keep documenting things he says/does and when he doesn't get DS on a day he should have gotten him due to other obligations.


Quoting dawncs:

At your son's age, the judge would almost likely talk to your son about his preferences. If it is not over just because he is spoiled there or Dad has no rules, custody would remain the same. The judge would look like he never contested it for years why would he now. I recommend getting letters from his therapists, coach, and teachers over the years showing your involvement with your son along with documenting any contact like with visitation or telephone contact with you from now on. Also, the teachers would probably remember if he was involved in the meetings or not. You can also use his IEPs and other school documents against him especially if he was never involved in the IEP process. They keep all signatures on file.


 

828momof2
by Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:40 PM

 

That's what I'm thinking since he threatened to sue for joint custody a few years ago and didn't mention it again after I told him to go ahead. I literally laughed out loud when he said that this time because it came shortly after he sent a text saying DS could stay here tonight because they had plans to go to the HS basketball game that started at 4 and since DS didn't seem too interested in going, he could just stay here. He thinks he's the best father and pays more than enough CS. He does pay a decent amount but he also probably makes about $50k per year. It's getting harder and harder to get anything "extra" out of him so I didn't have a choice but to ask for a review.

Quoting Pink.Frosting:

Just sounds like he was mad and was wanting to throw his weight around.  I really don't think you have any worries.


 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Usually at 13 your son gets to choose he's out of luck at least you got a good laugh
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mytrueloveS
by Lori on Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:53 PM
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Meaningless threat.  

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