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What do you guys do when you tell your kids their dad is coming and he doesn't...

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I told them they were leaving today because that's what he told me on vday. Now that I know he's not coming I feel like I have to take them somewhere to take their mind off of it because if not my son will keep asking me. I always do this. What do you guys do? I'm going to take them to lunch and then go bowling......then they are stuck with mommys boring laundry and grocery shopping lol. 

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Replies (21-30):
Luv.My.Kidz
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:33 AM

I stopped telling my kids their sperm donors were coming to pick them up! When I did and the idiots didn't show up... I'd just continue with my day. No special treatment, nothing. I didn't want my kids to start expecting special treatment when something doesn't go as planned. 

paigesmommy5264
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Generally I wont said anythingto the kids about him coming until I talk to him the night before to make 100% sure he is still coming.. one time he still blew them off, I just took the kids to McDonald's and they were fine.. I hate deadbeat dads that do that crap though! :(
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Kaya529
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:03 AM
This exactly. I was that kid whose father constantly didn't show up. The best thing to do is not telling them until your positive.

Also, don't make a big deal about it. If they want to talk about it than they will. They will be upset but pushing them about discussing their feelings won't help. Just act like it is no big deal.


Quoting Robsessed98:

Explain that something happened to keep him from coming today, but that he will come as soon as he can. In the future don't tell them he's coming until you know for sure.
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lovelychaos13
by New Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:30 AM

its a tough thing, sadly still their bio dad leaves me to explain  why to them and he wont even tell them himself that he cant visit that month. my girls are 6 and 7. so i usually tell them the reason he tells me. but  a few of the other times that he cut visits short i didnt tell them why because he said they were spending too much time with he and his wife and its destructive to their marrige that 4 solid days of the month was too much that he and his wife came to blows and  nearly ended up divorcing over the stress of  the girls being around. im not gonna say to the kids hey your dad is choosing your step mom over you. i understood the reason for him not having them do their 1 week end a month visit last month. shes pregnant and had been sick alot , colds flu ect and he didnt want to risk more germs from this part of state and her getting sick again . my girls know from me it can be harder when pregnant and sick that too high a temp can affect the baby ect. i was pregnant last year we lost the baby at 38 weeks, what also hirt alot was their dads wife announced to me shes pregnant the day after we lost the baby. they told the kids their news so they wouldnt feel so bad or think about having lost a sibling and for them to be happy and focus on the sibling they would have from them.

 but if its a financial issue as to why he skips a vist i tell them they are having money issues. i do fear that one day they will shoot the messenger or think that i was keeping them from him  at some point, i try to hope that when they are older that he will just tell them himself why their 2 day a month visit isnt happening but  well their dad is a pos narcisitic personality disorder (i didnt just diagnose that  on him  a dr did!) hes a very selfish individual, feels supirior to everyone which his wife told me was an issue with them and why she almost left and also the kids didnt bother her so much it was that he just left them for her to care for and he would leave go party ect drink and only go home after he knew the kids were in bed. she told him they are his kids his responsibility they are there to visit him . she said she almost left because of that too. she loves the girls .  the couple times we have really talked we both discover more bs  their dad was spouting to both of us, him saying i said such and such insult him doing same with her blaming whatever reason why kids couldnt visit that time on her. i guess he did manage to stop being physically abusive after i left but is still very manipulative and emotionally abusive and controlling.

jessi2girls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:36 AM

I use to do the same thing with my oldest every time her dad disappointed her.. then I just stopped telling her if her dad was coming or not.. so that way she wouldn't feel upset if he didn't show up.. 

He's only seen them a handful of times since our youngest was born.. she's 2 now, and doesn't even know who he is when he has seen them.  I doubt she'd even remember now, because they haven't seen him in  8 months. 

iamcafemom83
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:10 AM
I would not mention he is coming at all next time. Let them be surprised. If he doesn't show up then they don't know the difference.
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pianokisses
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:11 AM

we have jointcustody I have residential custody...visitation says he is to come on his day  off anf keep them overnight..he stopped working months ago and now I have no clue where he works or his schedule....but we used to always just do the sat-sun schedule and if he had to work his mom would keep them for a few hours...or at least thats what he used to tell me...but I am in the process of changing everything


Quoting BeachMommy07:

 Curious-do you have Custody agreement in place?

Quoting pianokisses:


UPDATE: No call, no text, nothing. I know him too well! I even stayed in the area for a few just in case he did call, but he didn't.

Quoting brieri:

 Generally I just say "I don't know" and leave it at that.  What time was/is he to pick them up? Did  he call today?  If he did, should have given the phone to the kids to let him hear his voice in the phone and him giving the answer about not coming.



 



pianokisses
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:13 AM

thanks ladies Im not going to say anything anymore...if they ask I'll say wait until he calls like I been doing

N_maricle
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:15 AM

It's pretty sad that there are so many pos fathers out there who don't care enough to show up for there kids after promising. Sorry he is putting you and your kids through this:(

Beth3721
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:36 AM

I would stop telling them about it and just let it be a surprise when he shows up.  That way you never have to deal with the disappointment when he blows them off.

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