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Coping

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:26 AM
  • 20 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Baby Daddy and I...

Options:

have a good relationship, considering we're not together.

don't get along and I wish he wasn't around.

don't get along, but he's doing right by our child.

don't see each other.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 21

View Results

Too little, too late. How do you do this? A huge part of me wishes I had listened when everyone was telling me by his words and actions that he wasn't good for me...but, if I had, I wouldn't have my beautiful 5mo old daughter. I don't know which is worse: wishing to be free from his influences forever or having to live with a form of regret for the rest of my life seeing him let her down like he did me for so long. And...it's also scary to think of all the things he (and the people he chooses to have in his life) will expose her to and me not being around to stop it. I like knowing she's in a really good environment and being taken care of, but maybe I am borderline over-protective? He was my "1st love", so I was blinded by that for a long time. He's her dad, so the goggles will be tighter. All I know is it's a silly feeling to play a happy bumblebee thru tears. Will Mama's share their stories with me? How do you get through it? Was there ever a custody battle? How did it go? Any pointers for living this? How's the dynamic when there's too different parents parenting differently in two different households?

I was out with my family today, and at the table next to us a little girl was screaming that she wanted her daddy over and over again because she was told to calm down and eat by her mom and I'm assuming boyfriend. I started crying. I never really wanted that. I feel so stupid, but also really blessed because I love my daughter so much. It's a cycle of bad feelings and then the love for my daughter...I feel like a loon. 

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Cenedra64
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:46 AM
1 mom liked this
:::hugs:::: i dont have the same experiences a lot of women do. I was married 16 yrs. I divorced him because the cycle of abuse started. He was abused therefore abuse kids. Wrong answer! I imagine its so much harder when a father abandons the kids before and after birth. But it all hurts no matter what. It hurts me because that man wouldve never made anything of his life without me being ''mother'' to him. Hes cruel. Everyone has to suffer as he did growing up. Just crazy! Hes 43 now the abuse stopped when he was 11, ah the dawn of it when he realized why i listened to that Cranberries song ''zombie'',..it fit. Its not my fault he never learned to live and appreciate life or love his family
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Gemini_MomOfTwo
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:16 AM
I know how you feel, my bd and I have a 17month old and Im preggo with his daughter now. Things are terrible with us, and its to the point where our babies wont even know him because of the same dumb ass mistakes he keep making. Its hard, but our lives are better without him.
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Robsessed98
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:06 AM
We got along for a long time but can't stand each other now. Growing up in two houses with two sets of rules is hard and confusing for them. You need to suck it up and try to work with him to make it easier for the child. You have to make it clear that just because certain rules apply at dads house doesn't mean it does at yours. Eventually they learn to keep the rules apart and it somehow works.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:33 PM

 oh yes, there was a huge custody battle and it would never end.  So I had to put a stop to it and I am glad to be ridden of him - but his time is coming soon! hopefully sooner than later.  It often makes me cry for what he has put me and the kids through.

Mama_Laken
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this

What's the point of having babies with someone who doesn't want a family? Why do they have to even be involved when they'd rather do other things anyway? Is it a pride thing because it's part of them? I feel like that's what it is with my ex. When we were together he was never home, always hanging with friends and partying. He only wants to be involved now because his family would think badly of him if he didn't see her. He wanted me to get an abortion, so I just don't think it's right for him to be around. I don't want two households. I want one. And yeah, I made a huge mistake giving him my virginity and falling for all the empty promises, but I don't think that merits me having to worry if my daughter is going to be neglected when I'm not around because he's using her to get laid. 

Quoting brieri:

 oh yes, there was a huge custody battle and it would never end.  So I had to put a stop to it and I am glad to be ridden of him - but his time is coming soon! hopefully sooner than later.  It often makes me cry for what he has put me and the kids through.


Mama_Laken
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:31 PM

Does the baby daddy not want to be involved? I wish it was that easy for me. He's wanting to fight me all the way for it...but, it's funny. For the first four months of her life he didn't give two cares about her, but now that we're not stuck in that tiny room anymore day and night he wants to see her? It's been a month, and he cancels on me every time we make plans. He's bought her two things of diapers, but when we were together he didn't buy her anything...so it's very confusing. Arg!

Quoting Gemini_MomOfTwo:

I know how you feel, my bd and I have a 17month old and Im preggo with his daughter now. Things are terrible with us, and its to the point where our babies wont even know him because of the same dumb ass mistakes he keep making. Its hard, but our lives are better without him.


SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:36 PM

We get along ok sometimes when he isnt acting like a complete asshole. I usually only here from him when its my son's bday or Christmas. I've never had to deal with visitation or custody and my son has never been with him without me so listening to 2 seperate households is not an issue either.

Gemini_MomOfTwo
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:18 PM
He was excited about our 2nd baby until child support served him which I had nothing to do with. He's been in and out our son life, so im not surprised. I know sooner or later he is gonna wonder about his newborn, but im tired of arguing and being hurt for the babies cause he isnt around. Its not worth it anymore.


Quoting Mama_Laken:

Does the baby daddy not want to be involved? I wish it was that easy for me. He's wanting to fight me all the way for it...but, it's funny. For the first four months of her life he didn't give two cares about her, but now that we're not stuck in that tiny room anymore day and night he wants to see her? It's been a month, and he cancels on me every time we make plans. He's bought her two things of diapers, but when we were together he didn't buy her anything...so it's very confusing. Arg!

Quoting Gemini_MomOfTwo:

I know how you feel, my bd and I have a 17month old and Im preggo with his daughter now. Things are terrible with us, and its to the point where our babies wont even know him because of the same dumb ass mistakes he keep making. Its hard, but our lives are better without him.



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brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:31 PM

 I don't have any answer to your questions.  I just say riddence of him.  He's not a good father, nor parent who really can stand on his own feet to taking care of our children alone.  So consider him having an accomplice too.  All I can say was I was married to him and he left me and the kids, but later had the audacity to take them from me - oh because he got remarried to another gal - who isn't better herself.

Quoting Mama_Laken:

What's the point of having babies with someone who doesn't want a family? Why do they have to even be involved when they'd rather do other things anyway? Is it a pride thing because it's part of them? I feel like that's what it is with my ex. When we were together he was never home, always hanging with friends and partying. He only wants to be involved now because his family would think badly of him if he didn't see her. He wanted me to get an abortion, so I just don't think it's right for him to be around. I don't want two households. I want one. And yeah, I made a huge mistake giving him my virginity and falling for all the empty promises, but I don't think that merits me having to worry if my daughter is going to be neglected when I'm not around because he's using her to get laid. 

Quoting brieri:

 oh yes, there was a huge custody battle and it would never end.  So I had to put a stop to it and I am glad to be ridden of him - but his time is coming soon! hopefully sooner than later.  It often makes me cry for what he has put me and the kids through.


 

ame4c
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:40 PM

I've been divorced about 7 years now I think and the custody battle really isn't much.  We have joint, but he doesn't excercise his rights except with my dd every other weekend and that's starting to stop too because she is a teen that wants to be around her friends now.

How I got through the early stages was I would make myself busy on the weekends that they visited their dad.  Later it became a good time to date, but that was much later.  Then my X stopped really wanting anything to do with my son, because he became a teen and hard to controll.  Since dad diden't really want to parent, he stopped seeing his son.  It's starting to happen with my daughter now too.

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