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Poll

Question: Baby Daddy and I...

Options:

have a good relationship, considering we're not together.

don't get along and I wish he wasn't around.

don't get along, but he's doing right by our child.

don't see each other.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 21

View Results

Too little, too late. How do you do this? A huge part of me wishes I had listened when everyone was telling me by his words and actions that he wasn't good for me...but, if I had, I wouldn't have my beautiful 5mo old daughter. I don't know which is worse: wishing to be free from his influences forever or having to live with a form of regret for the rest of my life seeing him let her down like he did me for so long. And...it's also scary to think of all the things he (and the people he chooses to have in his life) will expose her to and me not being around to stop it. I like knowing she's in a really good environment and being taken care of, but maybe I am borderline over-protective? He was my "1st love", so I was blinded by that for a long time. He's her dad, so the goggles will be tighter. All I know is it's a silly feeling to play a happy bumblebee thru tears. Will Mama's share their stories with me? How do you get through it? Was there ever a custody battle? How did it go? Any pointers for living this? How's the dynamic when there's too different parents parenting differently in two different households?

I was out with my family today, and at the table next to us a little girl was screaming that she wanted her daddy over and over again because she was told to calm down and eat by her mom and I'm assuming boyfriend. I started crying. I never really wanted that. I feel so stupid, but also really blessed because I love my daughter so much. It's a cycle of bad feelings and then the love for my daughter...I feel like a loon. 

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:26 AM
Replies (11-20):
Chantilly1
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

your daughter wa smeant to be in your life...

cats911
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Ladies, DON'T DATE ANYONE that you do not believe would be a good potential father.  If he does not have a decent reputation, good job, good relationship with family, DON'T DATE HIM.  It will save you so much heartache.  I have 3 kids, 2 listened to me, one decided I did not know anything.  She is the one who is now having so much trouble.  DON'T date those losers.  JUST DON"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hugs my sons father last saw him 2 years ago every once in awhile he texts and asks how he is it gets to me that he thinks that's enough but honestly I'm glad that's enough for him
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
steviechick
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Can't stand my ex at all.  Can't even stand to be anywhere near him or talk to him.  He destroyed our marriage based on seflishness and utter cruelty.  My ex hasn't spoken to my DD since Dec.  I had his number blocked from her cell phone becuase he was being a jackass once again.  He will never learn how to be a decent human being.  Until then, he gets cut off from his own DD.  If he hadn't mentally abused me and our DD for years, had perpetual money problems, snuck around with a bimbo (co-worker) for three years, created two kids out of wedlock, embezzled money from me, kept me and our DD from TriCare, and had two repos and shirked financial responsiblity throughout our marraige, we would more than likely still be married. 

Mama_Laken
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:33 PM

See? i see a lot of this. There's a lot of guys out there who just don't get it, and why is that happening so much? What's causing that? I'm glad you're able to live the life you wanted for your son though. I think what happens is that we think these guys are good enough to date and that maybe they'll eventually grow up...but it rarely ever happens.

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Hugs my sons father last saw him 2 years ago every once in awhile he texts and asks how he is it gets to me that he thinks that's enough but honestly I'm glad that's enough for him


Mama_Laken
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:48 PM

Dear lordie...that's horrible. I'm glad you guys are away from that. There's a lot of men out there who want to have their cake and eat it too. Live separate lives and get everything they want. But, that's not how to be a family man, that's how to be a douchebag. That's a lot like my ex...but much more extreme. How are you able to cut him off from seeing her? How old is she now? I'm sorry that's happened to you.

Quoting steviechick:

Can't stand my ex at all.  Can't even stand to be anywhere near him or talk to him.  He destroyed our marriage based on seflishness and utter cruelty.  My ex hasn't spoken to my DD since Dec.  I had his number blocked from her cell phone becuase he was being a jackass once again.  He will never learn how to be a decent human being.  Until then, he gets cut off from his own DD.  If he hadn't mentally abused me and our DD for years, had perpetual money problems, snuck around with a bimbo (co-worker) for three years, created two kids out of wedlock, embezzled money from me, kept me and our DD from TriCare, and had two repos and shirked financial responsiblity throughout our marraige, we would more than likely still be married. 


chinadoll2329
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:51 PM
1 mom liked this

You're not a loon!  I went through a very similar situation - 10 years ago...he left me with a 3 year old and a 6 year old.  It was not good before he left, and it was not good when he did leave - but in different ways.  I was happy he was gone from our home, but it was hard for my 3 year old son not to have a positive male in the house, and hard for my 6 year old daughter to not have her daddy come scare the monsters out from under the bed.  We have been through a lot, but my kids turned out, so far, really good.  My son is a star baseball player, my daughter now driving and getting ready for SAT's and college visits.  I have a great mom, dad, sister and brother who adored them and were really involved in their lives...it made all the difference.  So if I had to chose, looking back, I would do it all again because my kids have brought me so much happiness and love.  Yeah, there have been some rough patches, but you pray and keep loving, and you get through.  I wish you the best, just love her like crazy and she will be fine!  Blessings!

steviechick
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:33 AM

 


Quoting Mama_Laken:

Dear lordie...that's horrible. I'm glad you guys are away from that. There's a lot of men out there who want to have their cake and eat it too. Live separate lives and get everything they want. But, that's not how to be a family man, that's how to be a douchebag. That's a lot like my ex...but much more extreme. How are you able to cut him off from seeing her? How old is she now? I'm sorry that's happened to you.

Quoting steviechick:

Can't stand my ex at all.  Can't even stand to be anywhere near him or talk to him.  He destroyed our marriage based on seflishness and utter cruelty.  My ex hasn't spoken to my DD since Dec.  I had his number blocked from her cell phone becuase he was being a jackass once again.  He will never learn how to be a decent human being.  Until then, he gets cut off from his own DD.  If he hadn't mentally abused me and our DD for years, had perpetual money problems, snuck around with a bimbo (co-worker) for three years, created two kids out of wedlock, embezzled money from me, kept me and our DD from TriCare, and had two repos and shirked financial responsiblity throughout our marraige, we would more than likely still be married. 


Yes, ex my is a bad guy.  Like so many other women, I fell in love with him and took on his many problems.  I was more like a mother to him then a wife.  We had some good times but most of our marriage was problematic.  I dealt with many years of mental abuse (anger management problems with him) and constant money problems (his mismanagement of money behind my back as well as his many bad choices he made when I simply said 'No' to the many purchases he made).  Most of the time my ex did whatever he wanted while I had to patiently pick-up and try to correct his many mistakes in life.  I was the one that held the marriage together.  I was the rock while my ex was the impulsive idiot.  My ex never truly learned what marriage was all about.  He kept running away from his problems and acted irresponsible at the same time.  He was perpetually a 16 yr old and never really learned to act like a man.  I have blocked my ex from calling or texting my daughter.  He's not the type to come visit her while she's at work.  He's a coward.  Instead he uses the phone to reach out to her and simply bully her.  He's not acting like a father at all.  He hasn't been a father to our daughter in many years.  She is 18 and will be 19 in June.  I have mine and her phone under my name, so I can block whomever I want.  My daughter is still too young to deal with her father on her own.  Thank goodness I've been there to help her deal with all of this nonsense he's caused to disrupt her life.  She's going to college so that helps her stay focused on something positive.  I've been thinking of moving near to where my younger sister lives (Atlanta) just so we can start our lives all over again and, moreso, be far away from a 'man' that has simply destroyed so much of our lives.  Living this close to the ex isn't a good thing IMO.  He will always be close enough to do more harm.

 

Mama_Laken
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:42 PM

Wow...that is exactly how my ex is. You're definitely making me think I need to get far away too. It's funny, when we were living with him, he never wanted to see or play with her, and now that we've been gone a lot, he "texts" that he really wants to see her, but he continues to choose everyone else over seeing her!! And he barely texts(which I hate!! I prefer phonecalls, especially on important matters). I'm living with my folks and they've been really supportive and really want my daughter and I to get away from him. The last time he said he didn't want to see her because he had already made plans with his friends, I decided I'm not going to respond anymore and let him, if he can do things all by himself, take me to court. I also was more like a mother than a girlfriend to him...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I had to do everything for him or he'd keep getting us in all these messes! He'd ask me to "trust" him to get things done, but when I did things like a $12k lawsuit fell on our heads, we were homeless, my car was impounded...just...he's so irresponsible and selfish. I remember falling for him...he wasn't like that back then. He seemed so sweet and caring, responsible, mature...but...he wasn't. It was all this act once he got what he wanted.

I think moving away is a great idea! I want to too, but my entire family lives here...so it'd be a really big deal. I might once I graduate college though! I'm sorry you went through all of that. Women put up with so much crap!!! I'm glad you're daughter is doing well though and that she's going to school! I hope you guys are able to move on once and for all.

Quoting steviechick:



Quoting Mama_Laken:

Dear lordie...that's horrible. I'm glad you guys are away from that. There's a lot of men out there who want to have their cake and eat it too. Live separate lives and get everything they want. But, that's not how to be a family man, that's how to be a douchebag. That's a lot like my ex...but much more extreme. How are you able to cut him off from seeing her? How old is she now? I'm sorry that's happened to you.

Quoting steviechick:

Can't stand my ex at all.  Can't even stand to be anywhere near him or talk to him.  He destroyed our marriage based on seflishness and utter cruelty.  My ex hasn't spoken to my DD since Dec.  I had his number blocked from her cell phone becuase he was being a jackass once again.  He will never learn how to be a decent human being.  Until then, he gets cut off from his own DD.  If he hadn't mentally abused me and our DD for years, had perpetual money problems, snuck around with a bimbo (co-worker) for three years, created two kids out of wedlock, embezzled money from me, kept me and our DD from TriCare, and had two repos and shirked financial responsiblity throughout our marraige, we would more than likely still be married. 


Yes, ex my is a bad guy.  Like so many other women, I fell in love with him and took on his many problems.  I was more like a mother to him then a wife.  We had some good times but most of our marriage was problematic.  I dealt with many years of mental abuse (anger management problems with him) and constant money problems (his mismanagement of money behind my back as well as his many bad choices he made when I simply said 'No' to the many purchases he made).  Most of the time my ex did whatever he wanted while I had to patiently pick-up and try to correct his many mistakes in life.  I was the one that held the marriage together.  I was the rock while my ex was the impulsive idiot.  My ex never truly learned what marriage was all about.  He kept running away from his problems and acted irresponsible at the same time.  He was perpetually a 16 yr old and never really learned to act like a man.  I have blocked my ex from calling or texting my daughter.  He's not the type to come visit her while she's at work.  He's a coward.  Instead he uses the phone to reach out to her and simply bully her.  He's not acting like a father at all.  He hasn't been a father to our daughter in many years.  She is 18 and will be 19 in June.  I have mine and her phone under my name, so I can block whomever I want.  My daughter is still too young to deal with her father on her own.  Thank goodness I've been there to help her deal with all of this nonsense he's caused to disrupt her life.  She's going to college so that helps her stay focused on something positive.  I've been thinking of moving near to where my younger sister lives (Atlanta) just so we can start our lives all over again and, moreso, be far away from a 'man' that has simply destroyed so much of our lives.  Living this close to the ex isn't a good thing IMO.  He will always be close enough to do more harm.



faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:28 PM

 it was an ugly divorce and we didnt get along for years. but now its been 15 years since we broke up and we get along fine. he used to let the boys down all the time. i sort of took the attitude that i couldnt protect them from the world. i never bad talked him and i was there to lift them up when they were let down. i gritted my teeth and fake grinned when daddy was the hero and i was just old boring mom. when the day came they saw him for who he was, i didnt feel any better. now that dad has seen that he let them down and tries to do better, they have a good relationship w him but sometimes rather do other stuff (since they are teens and all) and it hurts his feelings and i still dont feel any better. but things are ok.

 
        
         

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