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Pre-School Issue....need some sincere opinions.....

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
  • 23 Replies

 Ok so my daughter just turned 3 January 6th. Currently with the court ordered parenting agreement my daughter spends 5 days a week with my ex husband from 10am to 6pm, then when I get out of work I pick her up (he works overnights, long story about the custody agreement, but thats another post).

Anyway, so she spends about 8 hours a day with her father, his mother (he lives with her), and her younger cousin who his mother babysits all day (who's not even 2 yet). Theres another baby due in March, so now my daughter will spend her days with two babies. She often comes home and makes baby noises, barks, and does all the goog goo ga ga stuff because they let her do that over there apparently. She'll even crawl sometimes, and I feel like all I do is re-direct the bahavior. She is VERY smart though, and I almost feel she is going backwards not even being in a pre school situation now. She was walking at 10 months, talking and hitting every milestone months before., however lately I feel like all I am doing is correcting bad bahavior (not sharing, purposely ignoring, everything is "hers" and she won't potty train).

So the situation is, I asked her father to tour a pre school with me for this fall, where our daughter will be going on 4 at that point. (Pre School starts mid September, and she'll turn 4, 3 months later). The tour went great and she had a good time, although 10 minutes into being in the classroom setting, she already was grabbing markers and refusing to share. Wouldn't that TELL YOU how badlt she NEEDS to be around children her own age?! Anyway- so when we left the tour we got into a huge argument because he doesn't want her to start preschool (mind you its only 3 days a week from 9 to 12 noon), until shes 4 years old. Another words he said he doesn't want her to start in September with all the other kids, but in January when she turns 4.

I can't wrap my brain around WHY someone would intentially throw their kid into school for the first time 3 months into the school year on PURPOSE, when all the other children at that point will have established friendships, have gotten over the separation anxiety, and have gone through 3 months worth of their workbooks. They were already on letter M, when we toured the school in January, so another words if she starts next Jan. She'd have to play catch up with her work book and be behind everyone else. I've argued with him, tried to reason with him thats theres NO legit reason why she can't start with everyone else. She'll be the OLDEST in the class and turn 4 before all the other kids and she'd be the one behind everyone else. Its makes me livid that I cannot make her educational decisions without him agreeing (shared custody).

This is vital to her development and he's just toying with this for spite, but how could this be fair as her first ever experience with school?? There is absolutely no reason to start a child 3 months late for NO reason other than HE wants her to be four first? I was debating just telling him I would pay the three months from Sept to Dec, but how is that fair to me? I don't have 600 dollars lying around and I am struggling as is because his child suppost is a joke and he has no bills because he lives with his mother. He is suppose to pay 1/2 her educational expenses........Or I could just try and sign her up for January, because being forced to start 3 months late is better than no pre school at all. The thought of her being over there in front of the TV all day, with babies everyday, and then getting put into kindergarden at 5 and REALLY having to play catch up to all the other kids who'd be developmentally ahead of her.....its not fair and ......it just disgusts me. He's not even putting in any effort to teach her anything, potty train or anything., being he sees her MORE than I do during the day......it pains me that they're holding her back, meanwhile the 3 year olds we saw during the tour were putting puzzles together, out of diapers, sharing and doing everything I KNOW my daughter CAN do, if her selfish father would stop holding her back.

EDITED ----Ok everyone I got some new info. This is actually how the schedule will be. She would start this fall in a part time pre school program (she will turn 4), thats monday, weds and fri from 9 to noon. THEN break for summer, then go back the following fall--TURN 5, and be in full time pre school 5 days a week....break for summer....SO when she actually starts kindergarden she will turn 6 three months into the kindergarden school year. SORRY for the confusion!!!

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:24 AM

So she wouldn't start Kindergarten for 3 more years? Like she starts at 5 going on 6, right? I might give him the 3 months just to appease him just because she isn't going to be starting kindergarten the next year...

BLoNdIe121679
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:40 AM

 

Quoting amantonacci:

So she wouldn't start Kindergarten for 3 more years? Like she starts at 5 going on 6, right? I might give him the 3 months just to appease him just because she isn't going to be starting kindergarten the next year...

No not at all because how her birthday falls. Kindergarden is 5 years old., but there are also cut off dates and deadlines. She will always be the oldest in the class though because of the January birthday...

 She would start Pre School this coming September (8 months from now), she turns 4 in January (but he doesn't want her to start until she actually turns 4, which is already 3 months into the year), then the following September she starts Kindergarden in September, and turns 5 while she is 3 months into it, in January. She starts kindergarden in less than 2 years.

amantonacci
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Oh wow our cut off dates are the begining of December, and I still choose to keep my oldest back (he's a Thanksgiving birthday). It's joint legal custody right? Does anyone have the "final" decision listed in the court order... My ex and I for my youngest have joint legal but I have final say as that I am the custodial parent...


Quoting BLoNdIe121679:

 

Quoting amantonacci:

So she wouldn't start Kindergarten for 3 more years? Like she starts at 5 going on 6, right? I might give him the 3 months just to appease him just because she isn't going to be starting kindergarten the next year...

No not at all because how her birthday falls. Kindergarden is 5 years old., but there are also cut off dates and deadlines. She will always be the oldest in the class though because of the January birthday...

 She would start Pre School this coming September (8 months from now), she turns 4 in January (but he doesn't want her to start until she actually turns 4, which is already 3 months into the year), then the following September she starts Kindergarden in September, and turns 5 while she is 3 months into it, in January. She starts kindergarden in less than 2 years.


 

stormystar15
by Jessica on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
It might be worth going back to court over since he's just wanting to hold her back. School is very important for kids and to start behind everyone else just because she isn't 4 is ridiculous especially since he isn't giving you a reason as to why. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to potty train her yet and figures by 4 she will have potty trained herself. I dunno I personally would put her in there for the three months if you can afford it.
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BLoNdIe121679
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:54 AM

 Its touchy right now.... its on the divorce paperwork as 'shared' custody with a notation that the custody agreement will be revisited at time of full time school to determine residance. Thats what makes this situation worse.... BUT he pays child support so I guess the state sees it as I am the custodial parent b/c shes with me five nights a week and shes with him 2 nights a week. Theres no law that requires a child to attend pre school, its just so beneficial to her at this point......so I can't make him agree. Once she's in kindergarden I hope I have more say in her decisions, because its me against him and his mommy (who enjoy playing parents to my daughter, and spiting me in the process in every way possible).

Quoting amantonacci:

Oh wow our cut off dates are the begining of December, and I still choose to keep my oldest back (he's a Thanksgiving birthday). It's joint legal custody right? Does anyone have the "final" decision listed in the court order... My ex and I for my youngest have joint legal but I have final say as that I am the custodial parent...

 

Quoting BLoNdIe121679:

 

Quoting amantonacci:

So she wouldn't start Kindergarten for 3 more years? Like she starts at 5 going on 6, right? I might give him the 3 months just to appease him just because she isn't going to be starting kindergarten the next year...

No not at all because how her birthday falls. Kindergarden is 5 years old., but there are also cut off dates and deadlines. She will always be the oldest in the class though because of the January birthday...

 She would start Pre School this coming September (8 months from now), she turns 4 in January (but he doesn't want her to start until she actually turns 4, which is already 3 months into the year), then the following September she starts Kindergarden in September, and turns 5 while she is 3 months into it, in January. She starts kindergarden in less than 2 years.

 

 

 

brieri
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:16 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Have you checked the school for her kindergarten yet.  Because there may be a cut-off date for age restriction purpose.   That may be a reason why your ex is asking to place her after she turns a certain age.  Kids in preschool practically go any time.  But it's not all about social life.  They do have general learning abilities such as ABC"s and 123's.  and more sometimes.    She will not be past her peers. I had the same situation:   I had entered my children in preschool at age 4 (Jan) (because at the time there was no room before that..  Then I placed them in Kindergarten in Sept after their 6 mons.  According to their teacher they really weren't ready for it, but I went ahead and did it anyways because the rest of the kids were going and also because the cut=off date at the time was Dec 31 and their b-day was in December.  By the time they were in 2nd grade I found it best to have put them back a year - because they would have been the youngest to graduate - by putting them back, they were on schedule.

paknari
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:23 PM
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My daughters birthday is December 27th and I know how you feel with that however I wholeheartedly agree that she should be in preschool. My daughter loves preschool and knows so much more than her cousins who did not attend.
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amantonacci
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:34 PM

 My son is a Thanksgiving baby.. He was in preschool since 3 but I kept him back and waited till he was 5 to start kindergarten... I didn't like to idea of him going off to college at 17 it scared me.


Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Have you checked the school for her kindergarten yet.  Because there may be a cut-off date for age restriction purpose.   That may be a reason why your ex is asking to place her after she turns a certain age.  Kids in preschool practically go any time.  But it's not all about social life.  They do have general learning abilities such as ABC"s and 123's.  and more sometimes.    She will not be past her peers. I had the same situation:   I had entered my children in preschool at age 4 (Jan) (because at the time there was no room before that..  Then I placed them in Kindergarten in Sept after their 6 mons.  According to their teacher they really weren't ready for it, but I went ahead and did it anyways because the rest of the kids were going and also because the cut=off date at the time was Dec 31 and their b-day was in December.  By the time they were in 2nd grade I found it best to have put them back a year - because they would have been the youngest to graduate - by putting them back, they were on schedule.


 

amantonacci
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:37 PM

 

I might talk to an attorney about it... Maybe there is some sort of loop hole you can use to do it without going back to court... If not I would file for the custody change now sighting it would be to big a transition when she is starting school to change custody and visitation at that time.

Quoting BLoNdIe121679:

 Its touchy right now.... its on the divorce paperwork as 'shared' custody with a notation that the custody agreement will be revisited at time of full time school to determine residance. Thats what makes this situation worse.... BUT he pays child support so I guess the state sees it as I am the custodial parent b/c shes with me five nights a week and shes with him 2 nights a week. Theres no law that requires a child to attend pre school, its just so beneficial to her at this point......so I can't make him agree. Once she's in kindergarden I hope I have more say in her decisions, because its me against him and his mommy (who enjoy playing parents to my daughter, and spiting me in the process in every way possible).

Quoting amantonacci:

Oh wow our cut off dates are the begining of December, and I still choose to keep my oldest back (he's a Thanksgiving birthday). It's joint legal custody right? Does anyone have the "final" decision listed in the court order... My ex and I for my youngest have joint legal but I have final say as that I am the custodial parent...

 

Quoting BLoNdIe121679:

 

Quoting amantonacci:

So she wouldn't start Kindergarten for 3 more years? Like she starts at 5 going on 6, right? I might give him the 3 months just to appease him just because she isn't going to be starting kindergarten the next year...

No not at all because how her birthday falls. Kindergarden is 5 years old., but there are also cut off dates and deadlines. She will always be the oldest in the class though because of the January birthday...

 She would start Pre School this coming September (8 months from now), she turns 4 in January (but he doesn't want her to start until she actually turns 4, which is already 3 months into the year), then the following September she starts Kindergarden in September, and turns 5 while she is 3 months into it, in January. She starts kindergarden in less than 2 years.

 

 

 


 

brieri
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:45 PM

 Good for you.   They graduated at 18, they have to be exact so it is 18 1/2.  They're fine I guess.  I don't think so until I see it, but whatever.  It made him madder than hell when I put them back because he wanted them to graduate at the same time as their stepbrother - gotta a problem,.   Yep,  Not same family and my kids didn't want more sibs - including the man - he didn't want any more children after them.  But he got what he asked for - and now he's paying the price!  ha.

Quoting amantonacci:

 My son is a Thanksgiving baby.. He was in preschool since 3 but I kept him back and waited till he was 5 to start kindergarten... I didn't like to idea of him going off to college at 17 it scared me.

 

Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Have you checked the school for her kindergarten yet.  Because there may be a cut-off date for age restriction purpose.   That may be a reason why your ex is asking to place her after she turns a certain age.  Kids in preschool practically go any time.  But it's not all about social life.  They do have general learning abilities such as ABC"s and 123's.  and more sometimes.    She will not be past her peers. I had the same situation:   I had entered my children in preschool at age 4 (Jan) (because at the time there was no room before that..  Then I placed them in Kindergarten in Sept after their 6 mons.  According to their teacher they really weren't ready for it, but I went ahead and did it anyways because the rest of the kids were going and also because the cut=off date at the time was Dec 31 and their b-day was in December.  By the time they were in 2nd grade I found it best to have put them back a year - because they would have been the youngest to graduate - by putting them back, they were on schedule.

 

 

 

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