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In Wisconsin co parenting with a father in Montana.

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:46 PM
  • 13 Replies

Here is the back story my son is 5 years old. His father wasn't involved in my son's life until he was 3 years old. I was honest with him the entire time (We had broke up before I found out I was pregnant and never got back together.) I told him when I found out that I was pregnant, that I was having a boy when I found out and when my son was born. I didn't ask for any child support for the first year because he was a year away from graduating from college. I felt it was important for him to finish his college degree and didn't want him to drop out because having to pay child support. The firsht year of our son's life he saw him 4 times. With in the first two years he saw hime less then 10 times.

He didn't tell his family about our son. Instead his mother found out when my child was 2 years old through child support papers he left somewhere in the open. His family didn't meet him until just before his 3rd birthday. I have bent over backwards making sure they got to know my son and built a relationship with him. However they never recipricated whenever I needed extra help (I go to school full time and work.) I recently found out through my son that whenever he was at his dad's fro the weekend, he would either have a sleepover at his friend's Kenny and Austins house, or spend most of the time with his grandmother.

I recently moved from Montana (his father and his family still live there) to Wisconsin. This had its backlash as expected but I did not expect the degree of backlash. His mother basically called me every name in the book and told me how horrible I was for ripping my son away from them, and how I couldn't legally do this. I informed her before I told anyone I had spoken with an attorney to see what  rights I had and what the father and  grandparents could do. I told her that I may have been leaving the state when I graduated that sooner or later this would have happened. 

SInce I have been here they have only talked to my son a couple of times. I make sure he calls them but they have only called him once. I have left the door open for communication. I have made sure my son sent letters and pictures he's drawn to them, I have him call them whenever there is free time. Recently I bought a webcam for his father so that they can chat via Skype. (Previously I mentioned that you could get a cheap one on Amazon for $15-20 if they can afford to travel to Belize and Mexico surely they have money to invest in a cheap web cam) I have sent emails you name it I have done it. They hardly reply to my emails, nothing. 

Now I am at wits end. They only talk to him whenever it is convient for them but make me feel like crap saying how much the miss him. I am a person who judges those by not only words but by actions. And the way they have been acting I don't really believe they miss him as much as they say because I would think if they did, they would make more of an effort to keep in touch. 

This summer they are supposed to have my son for 1/2 of the summer. I am almost at the point of saying "NO". I have lived in Wisconsin for 2 months and they have made no effort whatsoever. We currenlty do not have a parenting plan (I drew up papers for one but never submitted them do to moving to another county when I did it, in montana I had to live in the county I was filing for 6 months. My son's father thinks we have a parenting plan because I asked for his imput for visitation, but they were never filed nor was he ever served with papers). I am half tempted to tell them if they want him for the summer or they want to see him to take me to court. I am done bending over backwards. 

Am I being too harsh on this? Does any one have advice on how to handle this situation? Does anyone know about Wisconsin family law? About visitation, fathers rights ect. 


by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
victoriangavin
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Is he on the birth certificate? If not then by law he has no rights and neither does his family. If there is no court ordered visitation then you do not have to let him see your son. Does he pay court ordered child support? If you file then they should also set up a court ordered visitation schedule at the same time

Jacque1313
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:25 PM

He is on the birth certificate, he wasn't at first but now is thanks to the state of Montana. He does have a child support order but the state hardly enforces it. (He has had his drivers licenses suspended several times for lack of payment.)  He pays varing amounts sometimes over the amount and sometimes it significantly under the amount. Some months I don't get anything at all. (The kicker is he has toys he can afford, a truck, an older  camaro and a harley bike but can't make the payments) He also works a seasonal job under the table so he makes more then what is actually on paper. He had a backed up child support of about $3,000. In the state of Montana even if he is behind on child support he is still entitled to visitation. I don't know about Wisconsin though. 

victoriangavin
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:45 PM

The state it was started in has jurisdiction over the case so that won't change. If it's court ordered visitation then that will mean you can't say no or you will get in trouble.  Is he supposed to pick up ds or are you suppose to provide the transportation? I would report the "toys" and always report when you don't receive the cs or it is not the correct amount. You HAVE to stay on the state about these things to get anywhere. It's the government, if it doesn't benefit them then they don't care.

Robsessed98
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:10 PM
If you have no legal papers saying he gets that time, its up to you whether he goes or not. Keep the communication going, but don't keep going out of your way to keep in touch. If they want to talk to him, they will call.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Wisconsin keeps child support and visitation separate. Nonpayment of Cs doesn't mean no visits. I'd contact an attorney that deals with interstate custody and visitation. Document everything. But remember you can't force him to be a parent.

Quoting Jacque1313:

He is on the birth certificate, he wasn't at first but now is thanks to the state of Montana. He does have a child support order but the state hardly enforces it. (He has had his drivers licenses suspended several times for lack of payment.)  He pays varing amounts sometimes over the amount and sometimes it significantly under the amount. Some months I don't get anything at all. (The kicker is he has toys he can afford, a truck, an older  camaro and a harley bike but can't make the payments) He also works a seasonal job under the table so he makes more then what is actually on paper. He had a backed up child support of about $3,000. In the state of Montana even if he is behind on child support he is still entitled to visitation. I don't know about Wisconsin though. 

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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:08 AM


Quoting Robsessed98:

If you have no legal papers saying he gets that time, its up to you whether he goes or not. Keep the communication going, but don't keep going out of your way to keep in touch. If they want to talk to him, they will call.
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Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:47 AM
Well you have moved out if state so you have already made it more difficult for him to see the child. Yes I think you are being harsh. Your old state has jurisdiction until you have met residency req in your new state. If dad had half a brain he would File in his state now. If it goes to court you may be ordered to provide all transportation since you moved. Good luck.
Jacque1313
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:05 PM

I got permission from the father. He had no problem with me moving until his mother had an issue with it. He kept our son from his family for 3 years! I may be being harsh but he doesn't want to be a father. I am tired of pushing him to be one. The only reason he is remotely involved is due to his family pushing him. In my oppinon he should make more of an effort as I have left every door for communication open. I can no longer push him. Besides quoting what I did say earlier whenever he did have my son on his weekends my son had sleep overs at grandmas or at his friends house, he hardly spent time with his father. I am tired of being punished by his family, I had to hire a pi to find them to let them know they had a grandson (they found out just before I was going to contact them). We have never lived in the same city even when I lived in Montana. He has always used this as an excuse. I have done everything in my power to keep my son's father in his life and am tired of being the bad guy when if fact I could have been a lot more harsh from day one. I have gone above and beyond what most mothers would do. I have done this for my son. 


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Well you have moved out if state so you have already made it more difficult for him to see the child. Yes I think you are being harsh. Your old state has jurisdiction until you have met residency req in your new state. If dad had half a brain he would File in his state now. If it goes to court you may be ordered to provide all transportation since you moved. Good luck.



jenmomx3
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 1:19 PM

 I wouldn't send my son with them without a custody agreement..what if they try to keep him?

easinpc
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:07 PM

I don't know anything about the law there but here's a bump for ya!

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