My son is five years old. For the last two years or so he has only seen him every couple of months and half the time he would say he would say he would pick him up and then wouldn't and the rest of them he wouldn't call or text to even say one way or the other. We got to the point where ds didn't even think of his dad as his dad. We spend a lot of time with my parents and at this point if anyone asks him about his dad he starts describing my dad (his gp). I know the last couple of times that my ex picked him up he was calling him by his first name and was confused on why my ex wanted him to call him "dad". . Even though the weekends that ds is at his dads I am stressed out to the extreme. Whenever he has gone over there he comes home in the same clothes he went over there with, dirty, and smelling like he has been in a bar all weekend. Ds REEKS of cigarette smoke. My ex also has an 11 yr old son who has violent tendencies (I know this since his son lived with us for a few years).
In the last couple of months all of a sudden my ex wanted to pick him up for his weekends more. In a way it was kind of nice to see him showing an interest and when I talked to him about the smoking he said he would keep it away from my ds. After a few of these weekends, my ds started telling me about his weekends. From what I understand my ex leaves in the morning and doesn't come home till ds is about to go to bed and during the day leaves him with some woman he lives with and the other son. But according to my ex he never leaves the house. Before this "interest" in ds started I had signed him up for sports, he started basketball a few months ago and will start soccer in a few weeks. All his games are on Saturday mornings. When my ex texts (he's not allowed to call me anymore due to a court order since he was stalking me a while after I left him) now I tell him that ds has a game on Saturday and he can pick him afterwards or drop him off at his games in the mornings so he can play. My ex's response? "Well they're going to have to change the schedule!" Because yes I can ask the whole league to change their schedule due to my ex's lack of interest in watching his son play. The response to pick him up AFTER the games? He just can't do it, he doesn't have time. Which makes me think that he really IS working and leaving my ds.
Here are my questions:
Am I a horrible mom for being relieved that now that he has the games he doesn't go to his dads that often?
Am I horrible mom for being glad that my ds sees my dad as his father figure? (and no we did nothing to encourage that, but that's the way ds sees it)
on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:23 PM