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Custody Retaliation-Heard my BD will file this if I file for C.S. -Should I be stable first?

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:19 PM
  • 14 Replies

Hey Fabulous moms,

So you know I have finally decided to file. I went and spoke to an attorney at the Family Court Program they advised me to go through before filing.  They explained how the father might file for Custody as retaliation for me filing. The thing is as far as custody is concerned he currently has a better set up.  I am moving out my house by next month and will have to live with my mother for a few months to get on my feet as I am not working. But I know I have to file for child support soon!! The Legal program folks told me 9 times out of 10 right after I file he will file for custody especially when he thinks he is "Baby Daddy of the year."  He has our kid on his insurance and he pays the cell bill but its in a family plan (that he wants me to pay into to share the bill)! he has with his new family and he pays the tuition late but with reimbursement from his job (most of ya'll know the background already) but still complains he doesn't have it-Anyhoo- he is renting from his girlfriends father in a single family home and he has a little son with his new family in said home and he has been at his job over 10 years. (this is his stablility for the judge)

I heard through a mutual friend of ours (he doenst know I know) that he will fight me on custody if I go to Child Support. I am the custodial parent no matter what. I've done and am doing and will continue to do way more than him. Its just that in a few weeks I will be living with someone else and there is limited space and the courts could see me as homeless and unstable. But that will be far from the truth as I am independent and about my business and not a slouch! I will get it together in no time for me and mine as I always do.

I was told to have my ducks in a row.  The courts say that i can file for C.S. from my temporary situation but if he files for custody I will have about a month or so to that custody court date and I am afraid that I wont have it together in enough time. The lawyer told me, that living with someone else and not having a job won't look good for me.

So my question is...should I take a chance and file from my temporary spot or wait until I get my own place and have things in order to file for Child Support?. I am afraid to wait too long thats why I am asking and I have been advised not to worry so much about Custody. 

Hey what is the lingo acronym on Cafe moms for "DH'? 

Thanks in advance! :-) 

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:19 PM
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:44 PM
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He will absolutely try to file for custody. That's why they do. But if anything you guys will get join custody. I would wait until I got on my feet though. When I went to court they asked me where I lived and I said with my mother and I think I was unemployed as well....we  ended up with joint custody...but that's because we agreed to it. Talk to him before going to court. Once you go it never ends.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:55 PM
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I wouldnt take a chance on him getting custody. I think you should take care of everything first. Make sure you have your own place and a job before you go to court unless you think you can come up with an agreement with him ahead of time. Alot of times if the parents agree on something the judge will agree with it also but if you think he is ganna go for custody then I say wait.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM
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DH = Darling Husband

I think you shouldn't worry about anything relating to getting custody.  You are the mom and you actually get custody before the father does.  The only way that you would be denied custody is if you are unfit (drugs and alcohol abuse and physially abusing your child).  Even though you don't have a place to live or a job ironed out just yet that doesn't mean you can't get child support from your ex.  He has a job and he can and will be forced to give up some of his income to support his child.  Just try and get that the home and job situated ASAP that way you look even better in the eyes of the judge. 

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:17 PM
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I think I'd wait until your ducks are in a row he will most likely file. In the new comers group they have a great list of acronyms that are uses
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:38 PM
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 They cannot take your child because you live with your mom. Half the country lives back with parents these days. Just as someone else said, No drugs, alcohol, abuse or bad background is what they will look at . if you're stable I wouldn't worry in the least.

It would be good to have even a part time job before court, but its not necessary. They will ask how you  financially support yourself and your child. You can basicallytell them, you have savings and live in your mothers home free. All the childs needs have always been met.  If space is limited, just make sure the child has their own room and is not sleeping on a couch or with a adult..its NOT allowed.

Does your mom have a clean background? I hope so.  You should file asap, i wouldn't wait. If anything right now is when you need the support. So don't wait.

How is your child doing in school? If he/she goes those records would be good if she hardly misses school , and is a good student, it shows stability.  They Might try to pull her medical appt records too, make sure the child has all their shots and has everything they need  medically &  a dentist too if they are old enough..This shows you've made sure all her needs were taken care of regardless of the fathers money.

Good luck and don't worry, its rare they take a child from their mother.  VERY rare..And he can scream all he wants too. He should have been paying all along...and IF he hasn't ,the court will wonder why, what was his excuse?... Because responsible dads PAY  child support without a court telling them the have too!!

by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:47 PM

Hey Sav820,

Yes my moms has a clean background and its near my BD home and its close to the school.  thank you I'm still weighing it out. 

by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:48 PM

Thats what i heard pianokiss thats his next step and hes very vindictive and doenst want to put a red cent in my hand. Good lawd I have a decision to make. 


by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this
I lived with family, I even lived in an apt and my ex tried to use him owning a house against me. And it did not work. You have a roof over your head and it is a safe environment I assume? Then there is nothing wrong with your situation
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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To be sure, I would wait. A few months of support isn't worth taking a chance on custody. Dh = darling husband
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Thanks ladies, 

I know this man and he will. But so far I 'm leaning to waiting until I get it together a little bit and I like that response from Bree "that i shouldnt take a chance on him getting custody" .

Thanks again chicas, you all know how hard this can be. 

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