Problems with the father...and the baby isn't even here yet...I NEED ADVICE

[AlyssaDASsMom]

I am 17 and am 5 1/2 months pregnant with my first (a little girl). Her father and I have been together for a year tomorrow and things are really difficult. We were in the middle of a break up when I found out and got back together just for her. My parents are allowing me to live with them for the next three years while I am finishing college and getting my nursing degree, so I don't need his support. I am not sure why I am with him still though...I guess mainly for our unborn daughter. I don't want to cut him out of her life, but him and his family do not have and won't provide a safe environment for her. I don't want her to grow up without a father, but I don't want to put her through life with unhappy parents. I work 3 jobs, more than 40 hours a week, and am enrolled in school full time, not only that but I also help with my two younger siblings and the household work for my parents. He has only two jobs, not even 30 hours a week, is not in school, has no other responsibilities, is 20 years old, and doesn't even have a driver's license. My mom tells me that I don't need to stay with him just for the sake of the baby, but I would like to have some other opinions on what to do.

[brieri]

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Listen to your mom, she knows you better than any of us here.

[AlyssaDASsMom]

I know she does, but it is hard to listen to whatever she says, because her and my dad don't really like him anyway.

[LongBeachLiz]

Why stay if you aren't happy? Your unhappiness would be felt by your baby and it will cause her a lot of problems. Being together for a baby HURTS everyone.

[ProudMama011613]

I am in a slightly similar position.. But a little further down the road than you are. My son is now born, and i chose to not be with the father. Best decision I ever made. You think more clearly without him around and you learn to do what is only best for your baby, not for the parents. You guys are the only ones that want the "ideal" complete family because you think that will solve everything and make you happy and feel complete... Nope. You have to think about whats going to be healthier for your baby.. Not about what you two want. Your baby needs to see healthy examples of love and smart choices being made even if they are hard ones. What would you want your daughter to do if this were her situation? Would you want her to force herself to stay with a man that she is unhappy with? Or would you encourage her to stand on her own two feet? Your concern for the safe environment is a genuine concern, and especially if the father isnt taking that issue seriously, then its time to get out your mama bear claws and start protecting your baby. Trust me, the further along you get in your pregnancy, your loyalty changes from him to your baby and you will no longer care whose feelings you hurt or who doesnt agree with you, you care only about doing what is best for your child. You and your daughter will be better off if you find the strength to leave the father. He can be involved with her when he gets his act together and starts taking her safety seriously. But until then, you need to draw the line with him and be FIRM with it. Good luck mama! God bless!

[KRIZZ25]

U CANT FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WTH U OR U BE WTH SOMEONE.. IT WILL BLOW UP IN UR FACE.IF HE WONT HELP U TAKE HIS ASS TO COURT..

[KRIZZ25]

MOST YOUNG RELATIONSHIPS DON WORK OUT ..U CANT MAKE ANY ONE DO WHAT THAY DON'T WONT TO DO,,U CANT MAKE HIM GROW UP OR BE A GOOD DAD..

[my4loves4]

Listen to your heart, i got pregant at 18 and married for this reason. Dumb idea, not even 3 years later we were divorced, it would of been so much easier to just not have stayed together just for my son, because in the long run it didnt work out and when it finally eneded my son was old enough to know what was going on. If you honestly think it'll work then try, but if you have doubts, do whats best for you and your baby and listen to noone else.