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I thought I would be a good single parent but I'm wrong!

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:17 PM
  • 19 Replies

okay I need to vent an need advice! Okay I have two kids an I'm a single parent, My name is Teranda I'm 21 years old. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter. I'm having a hard time adjusting, the oldest girl dad lives with his current girlfriend an is not in her life. The youngest girl dad comes an goes like the wind. Of course I let him see his daughter whenever he wants that's included with the other dad which isn't often. But anyway the second dad comes around for sex from me an I give it to him like a dummy, I guess I'm just lost. But I'm not posting this to talk about a man, I posted this because I need advice on my kids. Okay my 3 year old stresses me to the max. Honestly I have never seen a toddler act this way. She can't talk yet, all she does is scream to the top of her lungs when things don't go her way. She does this all the time when I get out at a store or just anywhere. One day she was screaming to the top of her lungs covering her ears in a store an a lady walked by me an said I'm positive she is autistic. She hasn't been diagnosed yet because I have to do more research to find out information. I spank her an yell at her an she laughs. My mother an grandmother suggested I try a little switch because that's what some parents use. That does work but sometimes it leaves scratches an I don't want anybody to think she is being abused. I just don't know what to do. The youngest baby is fine, she is okay just being a toddler but she says more words than the oldest but I try not to compare them. I need help I'm stressed out, I'm living at my mother's houise which doesn't help. I'm trying to move out on my own but it's hard finding something affordable and low income apartments always have long waiting lists. I'm considering going to college this summer to a university that offers daycare an housing for mothers. I'm not sure what to go for maybe nursing but i know that's not very promising because of the waiting list because it is ver competitive but I'm afraid that my 3 year old would make that stressful an the daycare may not want to keep her because they'll think she is disrupting the other kids. Please any advice is apprecaited thanks.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:17 PM
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:23 PM
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I would think that your 3 yr old is old enough to listen to you and behave.  But, it seems as though she has developmental issues and isn't responding like a child that has cognisant behavior.  Check with your local county family services and see if there is a free test that your 3 yr old can take.  Her behavior needs to be in check and then you can assess the situation about her learning disorder/behavior. 

I think you should go to college.  Nursing is a great career.  I didn't know that there are universities that help out single moms.  That's great!

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:29 PM
My son was 3 and not talking a lot. I ended up putting him in a special preschool class for kids needing speech therapy. Not even a week later he was talking nonstop. I got him into the class through his doctor because like you I was worried about autism. Turns out he just needed a little help and was just fine. Not sure if you have a program like that where you are but it wouldn't hurt to check it out. Good luck!
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:31 PM

You should definately take her to her pediatrician and discuss her behavior and not talking with him/her. I am not against spanking when necessary but I disagree with spanking with anything but your hand and it makes me sad to think that your dd may have a problem like autism and she is getting spanked with a switch (which by the way is considered abuse especially if your leaving marks) for something she may not be able to control. I understand how hard it is to be a single mom with two toddlers (mine were 3 and 1 when I left) but please please take your child to the dr and try to find out whats wrong. She may just need some speech therapy so she can communicate with you

by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:36 PM

I agree with the other moms and would definately take her to her dr and bring up your concerns with your daughter.  Maybe they can help you with some resources for her.  Hugs!

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 5:55 PM

 If your 3 yr old is not talking yet, there must be something going on with her, please take her to the dr and have her evaluated.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 7:09 PM
Welcome to the group. First off, quit putting out to the ex. I don't think I need to explain why as I'm sure you already know. Take your dd to a Dr or psychologist and find out first off if there's a problem and take it from there.
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:53 PM
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Stop beating her and take her to a dang doctor.  My goodness!  As for your education/career options, find something that works for your family situation. But first, please have your doctor looked at by a doctor, you do not need to do any research on your own.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:23 PM
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i agree with the others.  You should def have your daughter evaluated...good luck

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:27 PM
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I think in addition to taking her to the dr like the other moms have said I think you should also look into parenting classes there is no shame in asking for help especially if you didnt have good role models in your own childhood. I am not implying that your parents were not good role models but the comment about spanking her with a switch kind of makes it seem like your mom doesn't know how to properly discipline either. You need to set firm boundaries and stick to them consistantly also the consequences for her actions need to logically fit the behavior, explain to her clearly what expectations you have for her before you go somewhere and what the consequences will be if she doesn't do what you ask for instance tell her before entering the store that yelling is not acceptable and that you would like her to stay by your side or in the cart or however you shop and then if she doesnt then leave the store. However, you should first take her to the dr to make sure there isn't anything developmentally wrong with her. She may be trying desperately to communicate with you and cannot for that reason and out of frustration she will yell. Like the poster above said it would be horrible for her to be getting in trouble for something she has no control over.

You need to take care of yourself as well get into counseling to find out why you are allowing your bd to use you like that. Your girls are paying attention and they will repeat the behavior you model. Teach them to respect themselves by respecting yourself. Good luck

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:50 PM
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Hitting a child with a switch is abuse.  Doing it to a child with delays is sick...

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