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I thought I would be a good single parent but I'm wrong!

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okay I need to vent an need advice! Okay I have two kids an I'm a single parent, My name is Teranda I'm 21 years old. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter. I'm having a hard time adjusting, the oldest girl dad lives with his current girlfriend an is not in her life. The youngest girl dad comes an goes like the wind. Of course I let him see his daughter whenever he wants that's included with the other dad which isn't often. But anyway the second dad comes around for sex from me an I give it to him like a dummy, I guess I'm just lost. But I'm not posting this to talk about a man, I posted this because I need advice on my kids. Okay my 3 year old stresses me to the max. Honestly I have never seen a toddler act this way. She can't talk yet, all she does is scream to the top of her lungs when things don't go her way. She does this all the time when I get out at a store or just anywhere. One day she was screaming to the top of her lungs covering her ears in a store an a lady walked by me an said I'm positive she is autistic. She hasn't been diagnosed yet because I have to do more research to find out information. I spank her an yell at her an she laughs. My mother an grandmother suggested I try a little switch because that's what some parents use. That does work but sometimes it leaves scratches an I don't want anybody to think she is being abused. I just don't know what to do. The youngest baby is fine, she is okay just being a toddler but she says more words than the oldest but I try not to compare them. I need help I'm stressed out, I'm living at my mother's houise which doesn't help. I'm trying to move out on my own but it's hard finding something affordable and low income apartments always have long waiting lists. I'm considering going to college this summer to a university that offers daycare an housing for mothers. I'm not sure what to go for maybe nursing but i know that's not very promising because of the waiting list because it is ver competitive but I'm afraid that my 3 year old would make that stressful an the daycare may not want to keep her because they'll think she is disrupting the other kids. Please any advice is apprecaited thanks.

by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Replies (11-19):
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree!!!

Get her to a doctor to be evaluated.
Get yourself into parenting classes.
Get an education so you can better provide for your children
Stop having sex with the ex.
Stop yelling at a child that doesn't know what else to do.

Quoting koalasami:

Hitting a child with a switch is abuse.  Doing it to a child with delays is sick...

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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:46 AM

I don't have much advice to give you, because as you know, I'm still pregnant with my twins. I just know that you need to keep your head up and stay strong and be an example to us other single moms out there who are scared to death. I can't imagine how you feel, but I know I will soon be in the same boat. I have no doubt that you are a great mother and it sounds like you have goals and hopes for you and your children, so that says a lot right there. You need to please stay strong. I can only imagine how overwhelming things feel at times, especially with 2 young babies. I woudn't reccomend using a switch, I think there has to be better, more productive ways to teach your chlidren lessons, without physically touching them. I grew up in abusive households and it does the opposite. Not that I am saying that you are in any way abusing your children! I don't think that at all! I just know that you are a better mom than to phsyically teach them. I have faith in you. Please stay strong and positive for us and your babies. :) 

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:45 AM

my son is three and talks tons and is very inquisitive.  He does have his tantrums and they can get to me, but if your daughter isn't talking at all...that is not normal.  I know each child develops at their own pace, but by three, they should be talking and know enough to listen to directions.  I would take her to the pediatrician ... they should have already asked you questions regarding her development to determine autism by now.  My pediatrician did when my son was 18months old as part of his routine check-up. Ad for daycare, my son has a child in his class that is a non-verbal autistic.  As long as the daycare people know that, it shouldn't be a problem.  I hope things get better for you. 

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 7:55 AM
Kids feed off their moms emotions,find your local childrens and families office and get all the help you need and please put the switch away and dont yell shes not listening to you.and keep the baby daddy away from the baby making place.......He is treating you like shit....he doesnt want the responsibility of a family he cant have the head of the family and thats you...damn girl you have daughters your raising make them proud and you.......
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:50 AM

I work at a special preschool and we offer free screening to children with developmental concerns.  I also have a son with autism and that is what I thought when I first read your statement.  I suggest like others that you do take her to a doctor or find out if there is a program that will help you.   The children who do have developmental issues attend preschool for free where I work.   

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Wait, you lost me early on...what is a "girl dad"?

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I think she meant girl's dad but since you are the grammar police I suppose you know that! LOL 

Quoting grammarpolice:

Wait, you lost me early on...what is a "girl dad"?

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:23 PM
If you think your 3 yo may be autistic don't use a switch or anything just keep a very strict routine. That's my best advise and I'm sorry/:
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 6:33 PM

I think first try setting some boudaries and stop giving into sex because you already know he's using you.  Find you and don't give in.  Come down to your child's level and talk because it sounds like she is regressing because of the new baby for attention.  Start reading self help books to boost your self esteem and start loving yourself.  There are programs that will help depending on the state you're in.  It is possible she could be autistic, but get her assessed first and there are programs that will help you.  My friend is considered her daughter's care giver and is getting money for her daughter.  Look into a Regional Center or contact your pediatrician and express your concerns. 

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