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Ex wants to get back together

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Hi ladies! This is my first post. I need some advise.

Our daughter is 18 months old, we are both very active in her life. We broke up when she was 5 months old. We met at work, his family owns a restaurant/bar and he is a manger (a year older than me) and we started dating, it was great. After the baby, his long hours became too much for me. I felt like I was doing everything myself. He'd help when he was off, but at the time it didn't feel like enough. He worked (still does) five days a week from 5pm till 2 am and sleep all day.

Fast forward to last month, he called me because three of his bartenders quit (I quit when we broke up) to go to another bar. He asked if I would help me out until he could find a replacement because he knew I knew what I was doing and was trust worthy. I agreed because I needed the money and II'm not taking that many classes this semester (grad school). I guess our feelings back for each other, some days we literally spend 12 hours together. I'm still working there one day a week. A few nights ago, we all hung out a bit after work and he told me he still loves me and wanted to get back together. I still love him too, but none of the problems have changed. What do you think? I want an unbiased opinion.

I think we broke up because at the time, I felt I was doing everything. Instead of a joint parenting. It also bothered me because his aunt offered to give him a few weeks off after our daughter was born and he refused or he could have worked during the day.

thanks for reading and helping me out :)

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:15 AM
Replies (21-21):
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 6:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Omg I'm so sorry! I can't even imagine what you went/are going through. His degree is in hospitality. I think it just pissed me off that he had the option to take time off and refused.

I don't have to worry about cheating with him which I'm fortunate about.

I think our main issue is we're still young. I never thought I'd be 23 with an 18 month old unmarried. Going to grad school and working at a bar. I'm sure his life isn't what he expected. I'm not coming I love my daughter and her dad. I just think I adjusted to a new life better than he did.

We went from drinking and partying every night to having a child when in every sense of the word, we were still children too.

Quoting Lurion:

Well, best of luck! That industry is hard. 

I spent 16 years married to a chef whom I really loved, but who was never there for me or the kids. I felt like a single mother the whole time. I heard over and over how the next job would be better/different/fewer hours. I was the one home with the kids night after night while he was out "working" until 2am. This is an industry full of young, vibrant, partying people. I resented the fact that he got to be out in his little world the whole time, while I was trapped at home. We had a "bonus" child 7 years later, and it just got worse. The resentment almost killed me (literally!).

I put my ex through massage therapy school so he could start a more family-friendly career. 3 months later, he was back in the kitchen. It was a very long and painful marriage and eventually, divorce. He swore he never cheated on me, but I found out recently that he had many affairs over the years. So many cute, young, drunk girls around him all the time...

If he's really wiling to do this, give him 6 months to change jobs, make and execute a feasible plan for a different career. He also needs to really "get' how it has affected you, and has a sincere desire and ability to make a different life. You can love someone a lot, but that doesn't mean they are willing or able to build a life with you. 

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