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Will I ever find a good man?

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I am 34 (turning 35 next week) and pregnant with my 3rd baby. ( my other two kids are 11 & 7). I hv been going thru a VERY difficult divorce for about a yr and a half. This BD isn't involved which is ok with me bc he turned out not to be a good guy anyway. I can't imagine having to hand over my baby for visitation with him. However, I've been married twice and both turned out to be abusive relationships and now I wonder if there is a good man out there. Right now I'm focused on myself & my kids, but at night I wonder if any man will ever want me again. I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I moved to this town about 5 yrs ago and my ex husband wouldn't "allow" me to hv friends so now I'm all alone with no family or friends nearby. My best friend and most of my family is about 12 hours away. Does anyone know how I can get out & meet new people (mommys like me??) I don't know of any groups nearby.
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by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:42 AM
Replies (11-18):
bzpdxmom
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:59 PM

It's hard, I know.  My 'picker' is broken too!  After getting divorced for the 2nd time and thinking that I was a double re-tread and no one would want me, I started dating again.  I met him on Match, as I was just doing it to get out and mingle (Not sleep around!).  I met a great guy, but I know I was not ready for the relationship at the time.  I've grown into it, but I've also worked on myself a LOT in terms of getting back on my own two feet and feeling comfortable on my own.  You will, as if by magic!, have so much more self esteem and higher standards if you do things to make 'you' better.  As for making friends, I know, that is tough.  Look to the pool of moms that your kids hang out with or do sports with.  Hang in there...the fact that you are reaching out for answers means that you are serious about making a change.  You can do it :)

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:56 PM

THis and remember, great things come when you least suspect it!!

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Learn to love and respect yourself before you try again


____________________________



Elizabeth1231
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Awwww I feel that way too sometimes..what's worse is lately I've succumbed to kinda "letting myself go" and no longer really trying to find someone..why bother you know..and its much easier for me to wear my gym clothes and not bother with make up when going to store and running errands etc. I am sure that is really helping my chances with finding a new man in my life (haha I'm being sarcastic) I am also still doubting my ability to even find a nice decent guy (because of what a horrible (deadbeat no job my lazy ex who contributes nothing but grief and headache to me on regular basis -he still lives at home with his parents) hes so angry and is emotionally abusive to me espeviallly while i was pregnant and scared..he tried to isolate my from my family and didnt allow me to have friends..so after how my sons father turned out to be after i got pregnancy ...i just have kinda had to rationalize to myself that well I suck at life and relationships might not be in my happy ending. I am struggling now most with trying not to show my anger at my ex in front of my son ...I am already in therapy and working on these issues but unforthnately scars don't heal overnight with a bandaid.
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mz23
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:53 AM
I know someone with 6 kids. Yes. 6. And she just left the Guy after a long term relationship I don't think she wanted to marry him
steviechick
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting Cenedra64:

Thats the million dollar question i think a lot of us ask. Everyone always says focus on kids. Yes true however we were not created to be alone and its not living a full existense but there is sp much to do in life! Theres a lot of truth in finding inner happiness and confidence in yourself being attractive to people of like nature


 ^This.  I want to add that I was married for 26 years.  A lifetime.  I spent way too much time trying to save my marriage then actually leaving it for true happiness.  I'll be 49 in May and sometimes I think I'm too old to find someone now and settle down again.  Will I find that 'good' man in my life?  I would hope so.  My DD isn't little anymore.  She doesn't need me as much.  I'm focused more on me now and where I go from here.  I had years of dealing with emotional abuse that I'm still trying to get over.  Finding a good man isn't easy to do.  Perhaps he will find us?  Until then all you can do is focus on the positives and that's being a mom first.  Trust in yourself and your innate ability to survive and move on in life.  I've joined a gym and am looking into single/divorced groups at local churches.  Life does on for all all of us!

kmarsh3
by on Feb. 22, 2013 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

There is a website meetup.com, you put in your zip and anything you are looking for example family events, moms with children, dating. I belong to some wonderful groups here in Georgia and they are free to join and we do things all over Georgia. Let me know if you need some help finding things for your area.

Karen

labrax
by Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 2:43 PM

I love how you espouse feminine self worth and dignity in your posts, Faerie 75. Frankly, I've reached the point where I am now very selective, after all there's nothing to lose. Lol

Quoting faerie75:

 well, to be very honest... and im NOT insulting anyone in here because a lot of us are in that situation... more than one babys daddy takes your dating stock down. your "pool" will be smaller. also, being pregnant or having a baby will attract the ones who want you to feel as if you owe them.

finding a GOOD man requires being VERY selective and knowing your worth, and being ok being single and sort of stopping looking. when i got divorced, i was pregnant and it took many years before i was ready and able to date the right way.

id just focus on your kids and being ok with yourself. the right man will come along when you arent looking for a man. i know i hated hearing that when i was single.. "well how do i not look!" well i got to a point where i just didnt, i didnt care and i was having fun in my life when i finally met a man at age 35 after 13 years single.



faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 22, 2013 at 4:55 PM
Thank you! I know sometimes I sound brutally honest and have a foul mouth sometimes but damn it I think we deserve respect and the best and if a man is giving us less or we are accepting less, I want to point it out so we can change it.

Quoting labrax:

I love how you espouse feminine self worth and dignity in your posts, Faerie 75. Frankly, I've reached the point where I am now very selective, after all there's nothing to lose. Lol


Quoting faerie75:

 well, to be very honest... and im NOT insulting anyone in here because a lot of us are in that situation... more than one babys daddy takes your dating stock down. your "pool" will be smaller. also, being pregnant or having a baby will attract the ones who want you to feel as if you owe them.


finding a GOOD man requires being VERY selective and knowing your worth, and being ok being single and sort of stopping looking. when i got divorced, i was pregnant and it took many years before i was ready and able to date the right way.


id just focus on your kids and being ok with yourself. the right man will come along when you arent looking for a man. i know i hated hearing that when i was single.. "well how do i not look!" well i got to a point where i just didnt, i didnt care and i was having fun in my life when i finally met a man at age 35 after 13 years single.




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