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What is financially fair and equitable when moving in?

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:51 PM
  • 30 Replies

I am a single mom (divorced by my choice) and am talking with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years about moving in together.  We are discussing finances and how we would share the bills.  He owns a beautiful home, while I am still renting, 3 years after my divorce.  So, my son and I would move in with him.  What I am struggling with is how much I will pay when we live there.  

Here are the facts.  I currently pay $1250 per mo on rent and utilities and have very little left over after paying basic bills and putting $300 to savings.  I don't have credit card bills or gigantic car payment.   His house payment is $1100 per mo and then he has all of the usual utility bills, but his house is much bigger and he pays $400 for gardener and house keeper.  He lives comfortably and is not financially 'just getting by' as I am.  

He wants me to pay $900 per month of the $2700 he said he pays for the household expenses.  On one hand, I want to pay my fair share.  On the other hand, he is incurring a HUGE financial benefit, to the tune of $900, and my financial benefit is $350.  We will be living together with separate finances.  I will continue to buy my clothes at Target and Old Navy, and he will continue to spend $150 on sweaters at Nordstroms.  If I can't afford to go on a vacation (pay my half or portion) he will go without me.  We have taken a couple of smaller vacations where he has paid more like 2/3 of the cost though.

Am I off base here?  He also asked that if I start to earn more, if I would begin to pay more.  We are not getting married.  He said he would put the house in my name after a few years.  So, I will continue to live a simple financial life and he gains so much more!  But, on the other hand....I'm already paying $1250 and I do need to help out in the partnership.  I am so confused.  

I am feeling like $700 would be fair and contributes to the household expenses, but allows me to build savings and financial security of my own, as well as vacations.  Does this seem right?

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Emmasmommy52212
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:57 PM
The only thing u should help pay is the basics. His extras like his housekeeper and gardener he can pay on his own, and your half shouldn't change just because u might get paid more.
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easinpc
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 12:59 PM

Have you sat down with him and showed him your budget and told him your concerns about the amount he wants you to pay?

ambermario4ever
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:08 PM

Maybe meet in the middle and do $800. 

bzpdxmom
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Yes, I keep all of my finances in a running Exel spreadsheet that goes back for years!  I budget 3 months out all the time so I know exactly what my financial situation is and I can easily move numbers around between checks to pay for unexpected costs.  I gave him the spreadsheet.  He knows exactly what my finances look like.

My issue is, what is my 'share'.  On one hand, should I continue to pay almost the full amount that I pay on my own anyways?  Or, do we both share the financial benefit of living together, equally?  Meaning, we split the financial benefit?  He gets $900 in his pocket, when he lives comfortably right now.  I get $350, when my money is very tight.  Remember, I will still pay for all of my own vacations, clothes, needs, car repairs, bills.  

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 idk me and my SO split the bills but we have similar income and neither of us own the home, its rented.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 No do not have him put your name on his mortgage, it will become hard pressed if something happens down the road - a break-up for instance..  I think you need to sit down with him and ask him to let the housekeeper go.  You can do part of the job and so can he. He can also get rid of the gardener, because you both can do that together.  ATM it sounds like he is just stubbornly lazy and doesn't want to do anything so he's asking you to pay.  You find out all the amounts he's actually paying and then you pay a little more than 1/2 because you have children, I take it he doesn't. 

bzpdxmom
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:27 PM

He lives much 'bigger' than I could afford.  I can pay half of his mortgage since it is only $1100 (because he has put down so much equity in a HUGE home) and utilities, but not for gardener, house keeper and property taxes.  But then, I am never going to own what I live in and I think that if we are a team, I should either be paying for a home that I will own too, or be able to pay less and retain my money and put it in the bank.

SnapIt
by Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM
2 moms liked this
I say hes saving you money by paying up 900 to begin with

If it were me, i wouldnt put anyones name on my house, unless we were married. So hes smart in that idea

He has a certain lifestyle and he should be able to keep it as is.
If he has a gardener and housekeeper, he should continue to have that.
Why should he change that now that you live there?
But he still has bills to pay and you are using it as well.

You will still be living nice and saving money so i dont think hes asking for much
He could be asking you to pay what you pay in rent now. So hes being reasonable.
Dont forget, it may be his house but its a bigger house and you are still saving money and you arent married. You are moving into his place.
He should have a say in how much you should pay for bills.

You can always keep renting....
900 isnt so bad when you think about you could be spending 1250 instead
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soulofsunmama
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:36 PM
Yea, no. I wouldn't go for that deal at all. It sounds like he's taking advantage of you. Is there not a cheaper place you can find? $1250 is A LOT !
A gardener and a maid are HIS extras, which HE has and chooses to continue having, I don't understand at all where he feels ok asking you to pay for these.
That's weird.
You sound like you really got yourself together, I wouldn't blow it on this deal.
jmho though.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 1:41 PM
My thoughts exactly plus there is 2 of you and only himself. If he were renting 2 rooms he would get at least that amount.

Quoting SnapIt:

I say hes saving you money by paying up 900 to begin with



If it were me, i wouldnt put anyones name on my house, unless we were married. So hes smart in that idea



He has a certain lifestyle and he should be able to keep it as is.

If he has a gardener and housekeeper, he should continue to have that.

Why should he change that now that you live there?

But he still has bills to pay and you are using it as well.



You will still be living nice and saving money so i dont think hes asking for much

He could be asking you to pay what you pay in rent now. So hes being reasonable.

Dont forget, it may be his house but its a bigger house and you are still saving money and you arent married. You are moving into his place.

He should have a say in how much you should pay for bills.



You can always keep renting....

900 isnt so bad when you think about you could be spending 1250 instead


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