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Single Moms Single Moms

I am the other woman...

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:09 PM
  • 26 Replies

Or at least that's how I'm feeling lately.  I've been fighting with myself about posting my situation and I finally have decided to do it and get some advice (this might get long sorry in advance!)

I am a widowed mom of my almost 2 year old son.  My husband died in a motorcycle accident on the day of my confirmation Dr's appt.  So I've been a single mom from the very beginning.  About 9 months ago I started "dating" my longtime friend.  It has been a turbulent process to say the least, mainly because he is living with another woman.  They have been "together" for 12 years, I have known him for 10 years but we were never the best of friends (I knew he liked me way back when but I had just begun dating my late DH so the timing was all off)  well a year after DH passed  we began talking and all this grew into much more than friendship.

The issue is that he owns his own business with his family and all his income goes back into the business (his "girlfriend" owns the house and pays everything he doesn't contribute to the household) so he can't move into his own place.  I own my own home but he says he doesn't want to move right in here because even though he's not in love with her he still doesn't want to hurt her.  

I literally have no idea what to do, he stops here every night for a couple hours before going home and it is harder every time I have to watch him leave.  I'm afraid of letting my son get attached to him, but at the same time I'm afraid of letting him go...what would you do in my situation?  It all sounds so ridiculous when I type it out, I've always thought I was a smart woman I'm not the type to get mixed up in all this nonsense and it pisses me off!

by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ImaSoulMom
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:28 PM
4 moms liked this
I think deep down you really see things but emotions can get the better of our judgement. He is not leaving this woman and why should he? He has the best of both worlds. He has his cake. If he gets bored of her he can be with you then go be with her.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:32 PM
He needs to make a choice. Why does not hurting her trump your happiness? He says he doesn't love her???? Then why do her feelings count for more than yours?
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vlr4x4
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 10:42 PM

I agree he does need to make a decision, I don't think I've let on just how much it is hurting me ( I tend to be very easy going about important things when I should be flipping shit)  maybe I need to just tell him he needs to decide point blank

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:08 PM
2 moms liked this

He does not sound like a man that can provide financially for you and your son since all the money he makes goes back into the family business....almost sounds like he is saying all the money he makes goes to providing for a family.

If the family business should ever go under, he will be in a mess, since he has no money saved or income to live on.

You are a smart woman and will be an even smarter woman if you let him go cause the relationship is not going to go much further than where it has been since it started.

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:41 PM

I have been the other woman and it sucks. I hate to say this but it probably will not get any better. He has the best of both worlds. He can hook up with you and still get the benefits of living with this other woman, sex included. I do find it odd he does bot contribute to her household at all she really does not mind supporting him, especially while he cheats on her? the guy I ha da fling with cheated on me too, with my friend. Totally fucked me over so I had to dissolve a friendship and end with him for good. I'm not going to tell you it will probably get better becauswe it wont.

GoldenLinds
by Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 11:47 PM
You need time apart. End of story. You can sort out what you really feel and he can prove to you he has more to offer than empty intentions. Plainy put, even if he wants more with you he has no motivation to change his current situation. Give it to him. Move forward assuming he won't follow through. Don't give up hope but don't tie yourself down to hope either.
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reynab27
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:16 AM
3 moms liked this
Look...he's not going to leave her and if he does trust and believe karma will catch up to you for messing around with a taken man I'm sorry for your loss but your digging your own hole on this one
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CooknKitten
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:22 AM
2 moms liked this

I too have been the other women. I believed everything he said and I think most of it was true. But what he did not tell me is that he still had feelings for her maybe he did not know until it came down to leaving her. In the end it got all too messy and very complicated because he ended it with her then he was back etc. etc. I had to decide that I was worth being #1 and I am worth it. If I were you I would give him a time frame to make a choice and if the time comes and he still does not make one then you will have to. You will be OK with what you have or you will understand that your heart is ready for love and look other places. I can not say it will be easy but take it from me don't wait 4 years like I did because your heart will only become more tangled up.

jenaroma11
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:47 AM
1 mom liked this

DUMP HIM!!! No good, no good. You deserve better.

jenaroma11
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:49 AM
3 moms liked this

OH and there would be NO WAY in HELL I would be allowing my child to be introduced to this guy when he has a girlfriend he lives with! Not good :( 

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