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How do you afford to be a single mom?

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:38 PM
  • 45 Replies

Hello there ladies! :) I'm new around here but not to being a single mom. I've been married for almost 10 years and my husband now wants nothing to do with me. He has dicided that he no longer wants to "family life" 

I came into the marriage with my now 11 and 14 year olds. Since we married he has been the main bread winner. He makes a bit more then 80,000 a year to my almost 16,000 a year. I work as a teacher assistant and have been for the past 5 year and I LOVE my job. We both loved it because I would be home with the boys when they were home and did not work summers. It worked out. 

Well it appears that I am now at a huge disatvantige. I'm not sure what to do.  My boys have never recived child support because me and my husband had both agreed that we didn't need the help. It was more of a hassle. 

So, now I make 1,200 a month with no child support and two boys. How will I be able to afford to live on our own? Cheapest place I've been able to find is around 8

$800 and it does not include anything. I would still have to account for bills and food. How do you ladies do it? Right now we are still living in the same house. He says that we can live together as long as I need so I can figure out what I'm going to do (so nice of him I know) but I can't see myself being here much longer. I need to move on but don't know how I will be able to do it. Even if I get a second job it will be super tight and will never get to see my boys. Don't get me wrong, if that's what I have to do then that's what will get done. Have not had much luck though finding something after 5pm and weekends olny. 

I need advice ladies!

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:38 PM
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Can you try get assistance for you and the kids?  How bout a different full timejob that is year round?

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:42 PM
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Step #1 would be to file for child support. You need it and your kids deserve it. Then look for a place of your own, figure out if you need to switch jobs, or add a second job. Then if need be apply for some PA to get you through until you can stand on your own two feet, that's what it's there for, people like you who are actually working and struggling and need to use it. Don't rely on it forever, just temporarily. The rest will fall into place hopefully. If you need more help, see if family can help you out maybe. Good luck to you!!

by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:00 PM
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As much as it stinks you're going to have to sacrifice something.

My boys are 11 & 14 and they can stay home alone just fine, so getting a different daytime job is a good possibility.  The sacrifice is slightly less that way.  And you may have to do that and get assistance.  When you're just starting out and you've got so little there's really no way to avoid that.

And get a child support order set up pronto.

Check out the department of labors jobs site.  Every state has one and they usually have lots of options and help available if getting a different job is what you end up needing to do.

by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:25 PM
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You are going to have to file for child support from the kids father. No way around it if you want any help. Second, you probably qualify for spousal support for a few years. dont take any legal advice from you ex and dont listen to him. because of the income disparity its possible you can seek legal fees. a teachers aid though does not make squat you will probably have to take on a second job, or at least a summer job to make ends meet. Divorce is a financial hardship on all including your husband. Don't sell yourself short.

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:33 PM

Ummm spousal support.... Just because the kids are not his doesn't mean you can't go after him for spousal support.  You are accustomed to your life style therefore in a court of law you can fight for that money.  Also you can get a lot of assistance on only $1200 in the mean time.  I understand completely not wanting to go the child support route because yes sometimes it is more hassle than it is worth AND even if you do who says you are going to get it.  My ex-husband owes me HELLA money in back child support.  

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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I make 40,000 at one job and had to get a second job when I got divorced. Obviously I don't bring home that amount after insurance, taxes, retirement, etc. My ex doesn't pay much in child support either. I don't live an extravagant lifestyle either but kids are expensive to raise and mine do just about every sport they can. My boys are 15 and 13.

I get no public assistance at all...I just work my butt off to make ends meet. Unless you can find a different full time job that pays more than 16,000 a year I don't know how you could make it on that amount.

It's not easy to work two jobs. Most of the time I am exhausted and sometimes kinda irritable....but the bills are paid, kids are fed and clothed, etc.

Also, not all states allow for spousal support (alimony). In Texas you almost have to be disabled and sometimes even then it's only temporary.

Good luck to you!
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:05 AM
First off your situation has changed and you now need it, so file for cs. Try getting a better job or a second one. It's a struggle bit somehow we get by.
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:38 AM

its hard but you can do it. Definately go file for cs and then PA if you need to. Keep looking for a cheaper place in the meantime, something else might pop up. Maybe you could find somewhere that goes by your income. Good Luck

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:26 PM

 I work full time and receive child support.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:35 PM
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What kind of an agreement did you sign when you separated?  That probably wasn't the best thing you did for yourself and your kids.  Alimony would allow you to receive more money that cs.  IF you decided to only receive cs then get as much as you can.  That would be decided by the courts.  I'm not sure the basic amount for someone making $80k but in my state that is a good chunk.  Since you have a teaching background perhaps you can find a better paying job through a daycare?  Figure out what better job you can get before deciding to work part-time.  That cs should be kicking in quickly just as soon as you file for it.  That should minimize your need for a part-time. 

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