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i need some help!!! please respond and be honest!

Posted by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:05 PM
  • 11 Replies


k well my daughters dad left us about a month ago...she is 5 months old...and i love this guy with all of my heart but i know he is a jerk..he was awesome when we were together but when we decided to take a "break" a month ago...he got a job and is living with his mom and does not ever call to check on aylah...he called last night and i gripped him out for not wanting to c his daughter...he said he has been busy and he told me he wants to be with me...well i was crying and i told him if he never called i couldnt be with him and he SWORE he would call this morning...and nothin...i think he just likes me chasing him down but i cant help it i love him now i nede some encouragment HOW do i keep myself from calling him i am not going to get back with him but i miss him so much i just keep calling...and i know he wants me but right now he is just having fun and stuff cause he knows when he is "ready" ill be here i wrong to not take him back? am i taking something away from my daughter if i dont get back with him? i nede help and how do i act right i call to let him know aylah is sick? do i go after child support? do i let him see her even tho he isnt paying me anything yet? i need help encourangment and just a LOT of advice please help thank u



by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:05 PM
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by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:08 PM
No you are not wrong for not taking him back.  You have to be there and be strong for your baby.  It's one of those things that he's not going to realize what he's lost till it's gone for good.  And I don't mean just sitting there waiting for him to come back.  I mean all the way gone.  Go down and get the child support.  You deserve it for doing all you have done and will do in the future!
by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:09 PM
hello i am a single mother of 2 kids and just casue he isnt paying anything dont keep him from her. talk to him and tell him that you dont want to be with him and that he can see his daughter and that you arnt going to take him to court for child support as long as he helps financially but if he doesnt help at all then i would take him to court.
by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:14 PM
You first have to think of your daughter's best interests. You have to go to court for child support, better sooner than later.
I don't think he is showing himself to be a good dad. He lies to you for one, doesn't follow through. He knows he has a daughter, why would you need to call him to remind him to pay attention to her?
Anyhow, it is up to you if you want him to see her. You can try to make arrangements for him to spend time with her, and see how it goes. But if he hasn't been calling, that is a clear sign he doesn't give a damn.

by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:26 PM
I'm going through basically the same thing. Except I made the MISTAKE of letting him come back for only three months later for him to leave again. It's hard, it's really really hard to let go, but you have to think about your child first. and what's best for her. I wouldn't allow him to take her until he's given you money but if he wants to come and see her, I would allow that. But be prepared for the dissappointments of him not coming esp if he doesn't call, cause it will break your heart over and over. You have to dig way down deep and really come to the choice that your ready to move on, and the sad thing is is exactly when you've really choosen to not be a toy for him to come back too whenever he likes, is when he'll try the hardest to get you back. You have to stay strong, not only for you but for your child too. He can't have his cake and eat it too!!
by on Dec. 16, 2007 at 11:41 PM
Hon - walk to the nearest mirror - and repeat after me -

"I don't need trash in my life - I deserve better!"

Say it everytime you look in the mirror and let it be your mantra.

Now you are not wrong in not letting him back - and you need to file for child support.  He sounds like he's just playing games - and as a mom - you don't have time for that.  Allow him to spend time with her - but at your discretion.  Probably not the best idea right now when your feelings are so raw - but you do need to let him spend time with her.  Good luck Momma - it's hard, but you are a beautiful person - and deserve to be treated well - and so does your daughter!

by on Dec. 17, 2007 at 12:13 AM
You need to think of your daughter's best interests.  You need to file for child support.  Trust me it comes in handy.  Legally, you cannot keep your daughter's dad away from him, he has rights. You shouldn't have to remind him to call and pay attention his daughter.  I am in a very similar situation.  My daughter's dad will go for months on end and then pop back into our lives when something bad is happening in my daughter's life. I know it's hard letting go, however, you deserve to have a better person in your life.  You need a guy that is supportive.  I hope that everything works out for you.  Hang in there, things will get better.  If you feeling like chating send me an email.  Take care.
by on Dec. 17, 2007 at 2:01 PM

It is my experience that it really doesnt matter what anyone tells you.  A person is going to do what she(You) want to do..  I say this strickly from experience..  I had a guy that treated me just like you described...  No matter how many ppl told me to get out or how many times they told me to get out  I didnt get out until "I" was finally fed up. 
Hind sight is 20/20.. if I only knew then what I know now... Do yourself and your child a favor and move on without him.. but don't forget to get the childsupport papers in order. Something I never did and REALLY wish I HAD.

by on Dec. 17, 2007 at 2:09 PM

This is a tough one, and I've been through this many times before. It is hard to move on when you love someone, and it's even harder when there are children involved. One thing I can say is FACT is that when a man is sincere, his actions will prove how he feels. If a man loves you, you won't have to ASK or TELL him to call; he will do it on his own-to check on you and check on his child. The fact that he's making empty promises proves that he is not sincere. I agree with the previous posts, file for a child support, and keep him at a distance. Try to occupy yourself by joining single mother's group, and/or playgroup to keep yourself occupied. Most importantly, PRAY that God will help you move on emotionally. I have 2 kids with a deadbeat and he has no interest in the children. I prayed for God to help me move on, and now I am able to function WITHOUT him. You're doing it on your own anyway. He is only adding to your will make it alone.
by on Dec. 17, 2007 at 2:53 PM
You are not wrong for not taking him back.  Guys, I think, believe that it's fun to make a woman who loves them play the waiting game.  Well guess what, you are so much better than that and you and your daughter deserve better than that.  If he is going to act childish and play games with you then you don't need him in your life, at least not in the capacity of a boyfriend.  You already have one child to worry about, you don't need another one who is full grown!  Fill your time up with spending time with your daughter, plan activities with family and friends, go shopping, whatever it is you like to do to distract yourself from calling him.  This will help initially, then as time passes you won't want to call him.  Maybe you moving on with your life will make him realize that your not willing to play games and he'll get his butt in gear, but if not then c-ya buddy!  You are worth so much more than what he is giving you.  As far as spending time with his daughter, I would let him (if you are comfortable with it), but only if he asks, make him initiate it and heck yea go after child support.  You need to support yourself and your child, don't let him get away with living "free" and leaving you with all of the responsibility.  I hope this helps.  Good luck with everything and let me know how things turn out.  You are worth it! 
by on Dec. 19, 2007 at 2:09 AM



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