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Summer visitation

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:12 AM
  • 11 Replies
So, I really need some advice girls!! I live with my young kiddos in Colorado (ages 7, 5, &3), and my ex lives with his parents in texas. My ex isnt very enthusiastically involved, but since his mom wants to be involved, he participates in weekly skype sessions. Our custody order says that we rotate holidays and every summer he gets 1 month.

Well, at christmas, he came to colorado and I let him stay with me (keep your friends close, your enemies closer, kwim?). It was miserable for me, and reminded me what a crap husband/father he was.

Now, he is wanting to come to colorado this summer, DRIVE the kids down to texas (3 day roadtrip with the little ones) and then later DRIVE back and camp along the away. (Omg, you cannot imagine the terrible visions in my head about this!!). My main concerns are:
1.) my middle daughter has a VERY difficult time with transitions and still has meltdowns that need to be handled with a cool head.
2.) my ex has poor coping skills, and as soon as he gets frustrated, he starts yelling and handing out spankings.
3.). What if something happens on the road, or while camping, and he cant emotionally deal with it and I am not there to help my kids?!

When we lived in Texas and shared custody, he would rarely keep the kids for the full weekend. I remember a time when I had to come pick them up early and they were waiting on the porch for me. Almost EVERY weekend when I called (no matter what time), my middle daughter would be sobbing and begging to come home. His father (who my ex lives with), has a very short temper and spent time last spring doing psych in-patient.

Basically, my gut as a mother thinks this is going to end very badly, with the kids all emotionally out of whack and with me having to fly across the country to pick them up because he cant cope with being a parent.

I dont know what to do... Some things I have considered are:
- splitting the cost of the kids plane tickets and traveling with them (staying in texas with a friend during his visitation)
- asking him to come back up here and stay with me again (uuuuggghhh do NOT want this one)
- asking him to bring his mom on the roadtrip so that he has an extra adult and someone to help.

Thoughts?? I wish I could just cancel this whole thing, or I wish he would decide to just walk away :(
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:12 AM
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:32 AM

 Wow. I'd be scared too! Poor kids :( Your ex sounds like mine! Instead of being a mature adult, he loses his cool with the kids! I'd ask to split plane tickets and stay with a friend. I'd just remind them of the kids ages and how a 3 day road trip will not turn out how he thinks, ya know? GL!

*~*Mommy to Allyana(7.5.08), StepMom to Aidan(6.5.07), & My Angel Baby Jovanny(3.6.10)*~*

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 9:26 AM
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Court order says he gets them if he can't handle it then he needs to be paying for the tickets for them to fly home. You shouldn't have to give up your summer and spend your money. I feel bad for your kids but if you go against it the court will hold up their orders good luck
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 9:54 AM

Follow the order.  Think positive, maybe nothing bad will happen and they'll have a good time.  

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:12 AM
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I like the idea of asking him to bring his mom on the road trip so he has an extra adult and someone to help. You shouldn't have to waste your money or summer going to Texas or having him come up to stay with you.

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:22 AM
I would suggest the plane tickets or his mom coming, but ultimately its his decision since its his month.
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 12:26 PM

 Do not ask him to stay with you under any circumstances.  All other advice are "what if's".  What if this happens, What if that happens, get over it and let the kids go.  It will relieve your stress barriers and you be happier.  The kids will be fine.  Just a different parent is going to take them.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 8:56 AM

I would probably fly there with the kids and stay in Texas.  The kids are young! 


by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 9:30 AM

I think I would first suggest to him that he not travel alone, traveling with children is difficult even for poised parents.

by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 10:03 AM

Wow... every thanksgiving, we drive our kids to Florida to visit the inlaws... they travel pretty well, all things considered, but by the time we pull in to Florida after two days of travel, i am ready to slit my throat or leave them at the children's home... and I am pretty stable... I can't imagine a part time parent with anger and stress issues making a 3 day road trip with the best behaved children!  wow... good luck on this one...

by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 8:01 PM

It's obvious how much you care for your kids, and you have a firm grasp of reality when it comes to traveling with them.  I hear your concern ~ you're a good mom!   Do you think he'd consider taking some kind of shorter trip (somehow) so he, too, can be "enlightened" to the harsh realities of how kids in cars do after even a few hrs of travel?

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