Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

What would you do if you came across this?

Posted by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM
  • 12 Replies

My sons father is in another state. My ds and I moved about 2 months ago. His father hasn't really contacted him since we moved and is missing him. (I have left every door of communication open and have had my son call several times but he returns the call after I called 2-3 times usually calls are 2 hrs apart and times when he should be off work) So I got onto FB and looked at my son's dad's profile to show my ds some pictures to make him feel better. While going through the pictures I came across a picture the he was tagged in. The pic was of several open beer cans on the floorboard of a truck with the following caption. " I dont drink and drive its called consuming and cruising lol this was after a road trip to whitehall" I am currently trying to get a parenting plan but with this discovery I am not sure if I want him to have my son for 1/2 the summer unless he gets help for this issue. He has a DUI on his record. This picture was posted the weekend he had my son. What would you do? 

by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
s.osborne
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 OH HELL NO!

Lurion
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Was the picture of HIS truck? Or just a joke? If you mean Whitehall, MT--well that kind of thing is just standard operating procedure. :) 

If he hasn't shown much interest, he may not even want him half the summer. Maybe you should propose a 2-3 week visit instead. 

The court probably wouldn't do much about the FB post, but they will take into account the lack of contact.

Why don't you suggest a scheduled call time, maybe 2-3 times a week, that dad agrees to? Then if he doesn't answer, he can't say you were just bugging him at a bad time. And you'll have a log of his actual contact. That's the kind of thing that holds up in court. 

Jacque1313
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:40 PM

Yes in MT I used to live in Butte and he lives in Bozeman so he had to drive through there to pick up/drop off my son. So I do understand MT "culture" when it comes to the (until recently that was the only state I have ever lived in.)

 We do have a calling time Tues and Thurs at 7 CST. And has hardly called he tells me he does but never leaves a message or texts. Even bought a webcam for him to video chat with our son.

I am okay with his drinking when he doesn't have my son or has one at home without driving anywhere the rest of the night. The FB post was in July and I did address to him smelling like alcohol when he picked my son up in Nov. He said his coworker spilled beer on him but I had driven to Boz just in case. Have caught him having one and found out he drove with my son.  

Quoting Lurion:

Was the picture of HIS truck? Or just a joke? If you mean Whitehall, MT--well that kind of thing is just standard operating procedure. :) 

If he hasn't shown much interest, he may not even want him half the summer. Maybe you should propose a 2-3 week visit instead. 

The court probably wouldn't do much about the FB post, but they will take into account the lack of contact.

Why don't you suggest a scheduled call time, maybe 2-3 times a week, that dad agrees to? Then if he doesn't answer, he can't say you were just bugging him at a bad time. And you'll have a log of his actual contact. That's the kind of thing that holds up in court. 



mytrueloveS
by Lori on Mar. 1, 2013 at 1:00 PM

My ex used to drink when he had my son.  I told him to stop or I would stop all visitation.  I believe he did, but I'm not with them all the time to know what's going on. 

Lurion
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 3:17 PM

Yea, I thought I heard that Butte accent in your post! lol

I grew up in Bozeman and went to high school in Butte (Central) Small world! :) 

Seriously, I wouldn't even bother chasing him. Sit your son down to call at the appropriate time. Video tape him making the call and being disappointed if necessary. BD does realize that phones these days actually capture the time someone calls doesn't he? duh...

Keep a log. Send him the video of your son being disappointed. Send it to his mom. If guilt doesn't work, nothing will. Keep the "evidence" and present it in court. 

You do NOT have to send him with anyone who smells like alcohol. If he has a DUI, that's endangering your child. 


Quoting Jacque1313:

Yes in MT I used to live in Butte and he lives in Bozeman so he had to drive through there to pick up/drop off my son. So I do understand MT "culture" when it comes to the (until recently that was the only state I have ever lived in.)

 We do have a calling time Tues and Thurs at 7 CST. And has hardly called he tells me he does but never leaves a message or texts. Even bought a webcam for him to video chat with our son.

I am okay with his drinking when he doesn't have my son or has one at home without driving anywhere the rest of the night. The FB post was in July and I did address to him smelling like alcohol when he picked my son up in Nov. He said his coworker spilled beer on him but I had driven to Boz just in case. Have caught him having one and found out he drove with my son.  

Quoting Lurion:

Was the picture of HIS truck? Or just a joke? If you mean Whitehall, MT--well that kind of thing is just standard operating procedure. :) 

If he hasn't shown much interest, he may not even want him half the summer. Maybe you should propose a 2-3 week visit instead. 

The court probably wouldn't do much about the FB post, but they will take into account the lack of contact.

Why don't you suggest a scheduled call time, maybe 2-3 times a week, that dad agrees to? Then if he doesn't answer, he can't say you were just bugging him at a bad time. And you'll have a log of his actual contact. That's the kind of thing that holds up in court. 





faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:02 PM
Nothing, it was Hella stupid but does he to your knowledge drink and drive w your kid in tow?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Jacque1313
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 4:07 PM


I am aware of one time prior. Also we had an issue when he came to pick up my ds he smelled strongly of alcohol. He said someone spilled their beer on him, I ended up driving my ds an 1 1/2 to his house myself. He also has been convicted of a DUI. Otherwise I wouldn't be as concerned. 


 faerie75:

Nothing, it was Hella stupid but does he to your knowledge drink and drive w your kid in tow?




brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 8:09 PM
  1. you say call him 2-3 times (2 hours apart) and he calls you back. There is some initiative there.  Don't take it personally - your emotions will definetly drain you out.
  2.  Do you beleive everything you read on his facebook accout? 
  3. you are the only one who knows him better than us, you decide what the parenting plan should be.  He may opt for it, or not.  Good luck. 

 

Jacque1313
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 8:17 PM

I guess part of me wants to believe its innocent and that my feelings are being irrational. But the other part is worried and doesn't think its innocent because of his DUI and this has been a slight issue in the past.

He is never on FB that much just to keep in contact with me (email on fb mostly). And to so he can see updated pics of ds. (He won't let me have his email for some reason) 

I am trying to not take it personally but I see it wearing on my son which makes it tough. I wish he'd make more of an effort. He calls back 50% of the time. Like today called him 3xs, he never replied (I know he's not working right now, he helps with calving in the winter and has a seasonal job in the summer.) Devistated my son.

I do need to look at the positive though 

Thank you. 


Quoting brieri:

  1. you say call him 2-3 times (2 hours apart) and he calls you back. There is some initiative there.  Don't take it personally - your emotions will definetly drain you out.
  2.  Do you beleive everything you read on his facebook accout? 
  3. you are the only one who knows him better than us, you decide what the parenting plan should be.  He may opt for it, or not.  Good luck. 

 



Jacque1313
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 8:18 PM

That's the tough part you don't know because you can't be there the entire time. Exactly where I am at. 


Quoting mytrueloveS:

My ex used to drink when he had my son.  I told him to stop or I would stop all visitation.  I believe he did, but I'm not with them all the time to know what's going on. 



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)