Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Pregnant, and seeing someone who isn't the father, is it okay or not?

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:23 PM
  • 14 Replies
I am 33 weeks pregnant and here is my long story: In January 2012 I met a guy a lot older than me, and ever since we have been seeing each other. Before then I had just gotten out of a relationship with my high school sweet heart, a four year relationship. The older guy I am still seeing to this day has a job that requires him being gone for a month and home for a month so I only see him 6 months out of the year. Well in July of 2012 he left at the end, and we parted on bad terms and ended. I slept with my ex a couple of days later. I found out that I was pregnant August 17th, and by then I had told my high school sweetheart that I don't want to go back to those four years we had and stayed with the older guy after patching things up. By older I mean that I am 19, he is 27. I needed a paternity test, and we had a very pricey one done for the prenatal dna test that took our blood and it compared the baby's proteins with the alleged fathers. And it turns out that my ex (highschool sweetheart) was the father. But when I told him he was the father, he said he didn't want any part in it. And the guy I've been with wants to make things work regardless. We are not officially dating, but he wants to continue and see how things are when the baby gets here. I don't understand why he continues to stick around while I am pregnant with my exes baby, and I just want some opinions whether they are harsh or not. Is it okay that I am doing this? Do you think it will work being a mother to my child and seeing this man? I ask because I really want things to work, and he does to. He said if things went good, he would eventually take my daughter in as his own. I don't plan on screwing up anymore, and I don't regret what happened because even though my daughter is not here yet, I could NOT picture my life without her. So opinions please? Thanks..
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bella14308
by Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:26 PM
3 moms liked this
I think you did the right thing by being honest with everyone. its ok to date someone who is not the father when you are pregnant.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
victoriangavin
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this

That really isn't a big age difference and sounds like your in about the same situation I was in. I would have to say the 27 year old is the dad even though he didn't help with the production part. If you love him stay with him and let him be the dad that he wants to be

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:36 PM
1 mom liked this
If he is willing to stick by you and treats you and the baby well... then DNA doesn't matter. Since you already had a DNA test done, he would have to adopt baby if he wants to make it legal. But there is nothing wrong with what you're doing... you have been honest with all involved and that shows maturity and integrity on your part as well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tyfry7496
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 1:44 PM
As long as you're honest with him and you're both respectful to each other it's ok.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brieri
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 2:48 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

I think you answered your questions.  Good luck.

GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 3:06 PM
2 moms liked this
As someone who chose to stick it out with someone having a child with someone else I will say do not take it for granted. If he hss intentions of making it work then realize how muvh he must care about you. Watching someone you love have someone else's child is heartbreaking. I can't tell you how heartbreaking uf you want that child. There is a whole grieving process even But to love that child anyway takes a near saint. Count your lucky stars. But be honest if you don't think its working. Don't let him invest more than needed if you don't want him.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 2, 2013 at 5:06 PM

I agree it's important to be honest but if this guy is willing to step up then that's great but you can't expect it

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Mar. 3, 2013 at 1:05 AM

Good for you for being honest with all involved. I would still be cautious. Deep down this man knows this baby is not his so you kind of need to see how this plays out and if he bonds with the baby. What are you going to do about the birth cert? Leave it blank for now? If this guy signs it there is no backpeddling out of it and he will be the legal father of the child. good luck.

Iamhuman
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 1:12 AM
2 moms liked this

I think there is no problem dating someone who is not your babys father while you are pregnant. But you have to think for now and the future. Is this guy going to be around for a long time. He isn't the biological father so he could leave at anytime not trying to bring you down but you are now a mom and it's not about you or your feelings. You think for your baby and make decisions for your baby. I hope everything works out for you and congradulations!

raegan1221
by Raegan on Mar. 3, 2013 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this
You've done the right things and obviously have a wonderful man in your life. Treasure that. Even though he's not bio Dad, sounds like he wants to and will be a wonderful Father.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)