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2 choices, Can there be more? Is there more?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM
  • 18 Replies

I need some advice, I think I need motivation or just a big reality check. So here's the deal. I'm a single mom of 3 boys. I separated from my husband a year ago. Long story short, he was the most caring husband ever and then the next day he became a complete stranger who took off with his best friends ex-girlfriend, gave up on the Army and forgot all about his "world" his boys. I haven't heard from him since. I was for 7 yrs a housewife, I've never really worked and surely didn't know how to provide for anybody. After he left I had no choice but to move in with my parents. I got a job (minimum wage) and that's it. I haven't done anything or at least that's how it feels. I'm stuck. I year later nothing has gone according to plan or even improved. I have held this job but it's really not getting me anywhere. I'm tired of this, I need something to happen, how do I make something happen??

So here are things that I've contemplated:

School. I have a school in mind but the tuition isn't completely covered by loans and grants and I would have to pay out of pocket. Problem: I don't have that extra money & theirs nobody to help me with that. Reasons I want that school vs another one because it's the only accelerated Paralegal program in CA that is ABA approved. In one year I'll be done and can start a good career.

Joining the National Guard (if I meet qualifications). I know most ins & outs; like I said before estrange husband is/was Army, so I know what I would be getting into. I would join mostly for the tuition assistance and I could be a paralegal in the military as well as the civilian side. Problem: leaving my boys, I've never left them ever!

Finally, Give up? I have no clue anymore. I HAVE tried endlessly to look for new, better paying job. I have signed up with agencies, ask friends and nothing. Support is mostly found in 3 friends, sometimes. My parents have lost any and all hope in me so telling them I want to do this or that will just get me eye rolls and I don't blame them. Here I am 26 years old and haven't accomplished anything but a failed marriage and a never ending pity party.

I need help ladies, give it to me straight. sorry its so long btw.

 

by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ruthliz900me
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this

There is always a rainbow after a storm. Don't give up on yourself. Try going to school and finding some resources to help you pay for it. 9 months and you can have a career!!! Parents get tired of hearing about what your going to do, just do it and prove it to them. Once you have a career and a steady much better income rolling in you will feel much better about yourself. It's not your fault you were left with 3 children!!!

OvrMyHead
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:51 PM

 I like your 1-year school program idea.  As long as you are pretty sure you can handle the program and get through it in the year.  Otherwise, go for a longer program that you can handle.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:56 PM

Great advice AND they are telling you one thing - go for that degree!  Trust me, without a degree or a good resume you can't get a decent paying job.  You are now the provider for our kids (not sure where the cs is from the ex) but you have to provide for yourself and mostly for your kids.  Be proud of yourself and know that you are doing the right thing.  Everyone can go to college as there are funds available.  A one-year program isn't very long.  I would stick with that then the NG.  You don't want to sign up for 6 years and move your kids all over the place nor do you want to be active duty and your parents end up raising your kids.  The Armed Forces should be a last resort.  You are better served getting that one year degree and kicking off with a good job.

Saphira1207
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM

Well, as a mom who went to school and raised 2 boys on my own at the same time my first question is -

How old are the kids?  I'd need that answered before I can give you any practical, from the trenches advice you could use.  And yeah, ages of kids do make a difference in the how, when, where questions.

daisiedays
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:14 PM

Going to that school is my number one thing I want to do but I don't have that $4,500 to give. The loans and grants wouldn't cover all the cost. I don't get child support since CA is such a lazy state and they're taking their sweet time "finding" my estranged husband even though I've given them all the information they need. I have my job which is "off" season so thiers no hours and I'm making like $80 checks. I get state assistance but that's only $500 I unfortunately have a truck that has to be paid. Where do I get the extra money?

The boys are 8, 5, and 1 year old.  


Quoting Saphira1207:

Well, as a mom who went to school and raised 2 boys on my own at the same time my first question is -

How old are the kids?  I'd need that answered before I can give you any practical, from the trenches advice you could use.  And yeah, ages of kids do make a difference in the how, when, where questions.


 

Saphira1207
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:29 PM

Ok, 

you're in CA

Your kids are school age and younger

You live with your parents

You get $500/mo in aid

You have a truck that has a monthly payment still on it


What kind of childcare have you arranged for your current situation?  I'll worry about the future/college time later.

You probably don't have any kind of savings - you wouldn't get aid if you did since it counts against you.

(FYI - I'm just thinking "out loud")

You said you can get student loans/grants.   Have you filed the FAFSA yet?  That usually helps you find other types of money too.


Quoting daisiedays:

Going to that school is my number one thing I want to do but I don't have that $4,500 to give. The loans and grants wouldn't cover all the cost. I don't get child support since CA is such a lazy state and they're taking their sweet time "finding" my estranged husband even though I've given them all the information they need. I have my job which is "off" season so thiers no hours and I'm making like $80 checks. I get state assistance but that's only $500 I unfortunately have a truck that has to be paid. Where do I get the extra money?

The boys are 8, 5, and 1 year old.  


Quoting Saphira1207:

Well, as a mom who went to school and raised 2 boys on my own at the same time my first question is -

How old are the kids?  I'd need that answered before I can give you any practical, from the trenches advice you could use.  And yeah, ages of kids do make a difference in the how, when, where questions.





faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 well since you have kids to support, giving up is not an option.

if you cant get any loans to cover the remainder of your program, then maybe take a loinger program that does cover it and work, and hopefully it goes quickly. id also file for child support from your kids dad and get the ball rolling on a divorce. you might never get anything but he wont be running up bad credit on your name or anything.

daisiedays
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 3:55 PM

The reason I don't do a longer program is for that reason, it's longer. I'm tired of community college and this semester and that semester. I'll never finish. These days it would take me 3 1/2 years to finish and graduate. I'll be no closer to my goal of actually moving forward. I see it this way...The clock is ticking and I'm just wasting time.

I have filled out my Fafsa, the cost of tuition is $33,000, After the loans and grants are applied I still have $4,500 left to pay. I guess because the government is broke or some changes in laws they won't give higher loans. 

I have state funded daycare. I don't have that worry, which i'm so grateful for. My divorce is in the process but since I have no clue of where he's currently at I can't serve the last part of my divorce so we're kind of stuck. Child support is useless. It doesn't matter how many times I give his ssn, his id # or were he was last known address and job they can't find him.

easinpc
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs!!

daisiedays
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:29 PM

:-) thank you!  


Quoting easinpc:

Hugs!!


 

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