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long post, looking for advice or even just someone who relates...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:50 PM
  • 11 Replies
Ok here's my story, I'm a 24 year old single mother of a wonderful 5 year old little boy. I had my son when I was 19 and married to my hs sweetheart. We divorced when he was about 2, but his date has really been out of the picture most of his life. (he was deployed for 15 months when my son was two months old) and since our divorce he has pretty much been mia. No support no real visitation. He's seem him twice in almost two years, his choice, not mine. Here's my delima (sp), and I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just someone who relates or what so please feel free tocomment however you'd like. I'm feeling like I was a better mother with more patience at 19 than I am now. I think it's mostly just disappointments with life and the way the last few years have gone for me, but I am struggling with it. I was a stay at home mom with my son before I got divorced. I found out my husband was cheating and I left and moved back in with my mom. I got a decent job and worked two jobs when I had to and finally got back on my own two feet. I was proud of myself that I had done that and things were going pretty good until I wrecked my car last November. I had only liability insurance and the accident was technically my fault. Well I lost my good job because I could not get it fixed fast enough for them, and because of this I ended up having to move back in with my mom. I have since got my car fixed, and actually found a better job than I had before but I am trying so hard to save up and get back out of my moms and on my own again but it just seems to be going nowhere. Every time I get some saved up it seems like something comes up. I am lucky that my moms is gracious enough to let me and my son stay, but it also drives me crazy at the same time. She is his grandma and I know it's not fair to make her change her ways because I'm living here now, but the things you would let a five year old get away with when you see them once or twice a month are not the same things that you let them get away with when you see them everyday. I just feel frustrated, with myself mostly, for being back in this situation. She thinks I'm to harsh and we often argue about that, and maybe sometimes I am but I work 40 hours a week and I just feel like I'm getting nowhere fast. It's depressing sometimes. All my friends love in different states now that they've graduated and none have kids. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I just want to get back to a little bit more of a carefree or at least happy person. I love my son with all my heart, and it's not like I'm mean to him, I just feel like my patience level isn't what is was and it bothers me that I can't make all the ends meet by myself right now. Sorry for such a long post. Any advice or criticism or whatever I can handle it. Thanks.
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kayk91
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:01 PM

It seems like your under a lot of stress. and you're coming down too hard on yourself. You've gotten back on your feet before and I'm sure you will do it again. As for the grandma situation, I think you should sit down with your mom and let her know what you expect of your son and ask her to please respect that. I'm 22 (my son is about to be 15mo) and I've lived with my mom since he was born. She respects the way I parent him, and when she sees me losing my patience she simply just asks if I would like her to take care of him for a few hours. I am currently saving for a place of our own, but I'm still in school, working on my degree, so my mom told me I could stay here as long as I needed, she really wants me to finish. I've thought about quitting until my son gets older, but she's convinced me to continue on. sorry didn't mean to make it about me. but I hope things get better for you. If you find yourself losing your patience, try going to the other room and taking 10 deep breaths, it helps me :)

victoriangavin
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Things WILL get better... You are going to loose your patients and that's natural.. I'm 19, single mom, at my dads because my son's father chose a kid that isn't his and her mother over the family he begged me for.. My dad is on some power trip to make up for not being there for me at all while I was growing up by making sure my son gets to have me home the entire first year. He refuses to let me work so I have no way to get back on my feet right now. I'm doing my best to make up for that by finishing school.... I put college on hold to move for my ex and am back in school and a single mom.. My ex can shove it lol.... Things will get better

KT1525
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks ladies, @kayk91 I appreciate your story, and from personal experience your mom is right, finish your degree. I was talking online classes and quit during my divorce just because I moved and couldn't make it work at the time. I wish I had finished it then when I had the opportunity because starting it again now feels harder than ever. (for those moms that do it, bless you, I don't know how I'd juggle working, my son, and that). And @victotiangaven I know what you mean about exs that ask the world from you then decide to bail. I also left college in TN when I was found out I was pregnant so that we could move across the county to AZ for his career. Believe me though you will be better off without him. My ex has since lost his military job, the girl he cheated on me with (and married) while we were going through or divorce..don't ask now he got away with that...has since gotten pregnant with a child that wasn't his and left him... So I'm so glad to be through with that part of my life. He's turned into such a winner. Ohhh and enjoy that time with your child I still think back on my sons first few years and getting to be home with him was the best thing in the world. :) thanks ladies for sharing. I already feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one.
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sthflachk
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:52 PM
5 moms liked this
Hang in the girl...you can do it. My dd is 3 and boy can she drive me batty! I have some issues with my mom too and I just tell her this...."if you were just here for a few days it wouldn't be an issue but you're not. So please, follow my rules for my child and do it with grace. Be there for her when you think I've been too harsh but always back me up. I appreciate all you do but I am her parent. I love you but, please, for the sake of our relationship and both our sanity....back off. Coffee?"

Lmao...that's verbatim...now mostly when I start to say it she tells me to shut it and laughs and walks away. Good luck to you sweetie.
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Jkia1boy
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:02 PM
I'm now 34 and have been where you are. And you know what, sometimes still there, but all I can say that it will get better and look at it like this, tou are still in 20's and seem to be on top of things, so you can imagine once you get in your 30's you're going to be the bomb! Keep your head up okay.
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KT1525
by Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:17 PM
@Jkia1boy, thank you. I'm trying really hard, some days it just doesn't feel like enough. I appreciate the kind words.
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mom2250
by on Mar. 4, 2013 at 8:46 PM

Right there with ya! My kids are 2 & 4. I had to move back in with my mom and I get depressed sometimes too and lose my patience. (((hugs)))

brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2013 at 9:36 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

angiefly2
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I have 3 kids and when my ex cheated we had to move in with my mom. She does a lot for us and I'm thankful for it. I am trying to get back on my feet but it's hard. Don't be so hard on yourself, I had someone tell me that they would be concerned for me IF I wasn't worried about my child and myself. It's normal to worry and wonder and always want better for you and your kids (in my opinion) but sometimes you just have to stop and appreciate where you are today. Never forget to cherish the moment you're in. (I'm sure you already know all of this but just a friendly reminder from a mom to a mom)  : )

cowboygal
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I have a 7 year old and a 9 year old. Was a sahm for 6 years and then ex kicked out us for a new girl. I moved back in with my parents and the kids. I am currently in school. My parents love to spoil the kids too. It has gotten to a point where they know and when I say no they go "well we will go ask grandpa". It is hard but you will get through it. My parents love the fact we live here and they can see them everyday. But it is stressful when you have been on your own and then have to merge into another persons house and how they like it. I love my parents, I love the fact they were there when I needed them but I can say I cannot wait to get my own place again and do things how I like. And my kids dad has not called in almost 7 weeks or seen them in five months. His loss I say.
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