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idk if i will get bashed for this but here goes

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:31 AM
  • 25 Replies

So let me say my situation isnt ideal. I knew this going into divorce it wasnt going to be easy but my family has been helping and hurting my situation. I havent worked in over 6 years bc I have been a stay at home mom to 5 kids. 3 are in school and 2 are not. I want to work, i have no problem but trying to find a job hasnt been easy. Most places around here wont hire me or let me fill out an app bc i have no experience. daycare is also very expensive for 5 kids and i am looking into state help. all i have is child support and that is going to pay my bills and my mom for rent. i dont have much left to save. i also get food stamps but not much so i have to use my own money when i can. my problem is me and my mother do not get along, this has always been the case when we live together. she doesnt like my bf bc she think he is a bum for wanting to be w/ me and thinks he is using me so she said if he comes around she would get a restraining order against him. she called him a fucking bum and told him he was a horrible bf for being w/ me and that he doesnt do anything...she came and yelled at me afterwards and said she called him names and then he called her a fucking bitch for acting the way she did to him (he said he called her a psycho, noy a fucking bitch). it wasnt right for either of mother was made at me bc i wanted her to help fix my car which she broke and she was taking it out on him. so i told my dad thinking he would be reasonable or calm me down but instead he came to the house and attacked me in front of my children. he was in my face yelling and screaming telling me how i am not doing what they want and i need to stop doing what i want bc my kids are in danger bc of me and i dont think. i stayed calm and told him to please get out of my face and that he was scaring my kids and he said he didnt care, that they see worse, which is why i left their father all we did was fight. i wanted them away from the fighting only to get attacked by my family. he then went outside and yelled at my bf and my bf stayed calm and told him that he loves me and the kids and has done what he could to provide and if he was able to come around he would help even more. that he wants us to have a life together but i am held as a prisoner in my mothers house and cannot save money by having my bf watch the kids when he isnt working so that i can work bc my parents dont want to always help. which is fine, but if they want me to get a job they should stop telling me how to leave my bf and support me in getting a job and encourage me. my father helps to a point, but that has been unsuccessful too. they think i can find just any job to make money but dont realize that i have to make up what i lose in alimony to take care of the kids. so making 90 bucks a week isnt enough...anyways, my kids were terrified the other day and oldest is so close w my parents but he says he doesnt love them much anymore bc he was so scared. he and the rest do not want to be in this house w my mother bc they arent happy. i took them to a hotel to get away from everything and they liked it...i know that isnt a life for them but i want them safe and we have no where else to go. i am trying to look into my options but w/out a job i dont have many...i just dont want my children taken away from me...we are in the house w/ my mother now but they hate coming here after school...they stay in my room and my daughter has been acting out since we have been back but was happy when we werent here...i jsut dont know what else to do and how to protect them from all this fighting, i dont know if it will happen again...they saw something similare with their father and me when he wouldnt leave the house we were at and was scaring them and threatening me and i just cant keep letting them see this...they deserve to be happy...everyone has manipulated me in thinking i cannot call the police on them bc they have the right to be at the houses and do what they want, i feel i should have called the police this last time but my father knows many of the police officers around here so idk if it would do me any good

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Its rough having to move back in with the parents. Me and my mom get along great now that Im an adult but when I had to move back in with her  we did butt heads. Its so hard being a single mom with working, child care, school, paying bills, ect. but it sounds like its best for everyone if you try it on your own. Keep looking for whatever job you can get and if you still cant make it you should be able to get more foodstamps and child care assistance since you will be living on your own. Plus your xh will be responsible for half of daycare costs.  

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:08 AM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like you need to focus on you and your kids for a while. get away from everyone (parents and bf included) and figure out your future. you can do it on your own, dont you dare say you cant. itll be hard but you can do it.
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:09 AM

yes i know he has to help pay, which will help but he hardly has any money that worries me but if he has to thats not my problem, i have to do what i can for the kids...the other thing that worries me is that idk how to get a place without a job...i am trying to stay in the house to save but i also have to pay her rent if i stay here so it makes saving hard...but i am going to keep looking for jobs and filing out applications for anything

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:12 AM

its so hard to say i can do bf is the one who has been trying to help me w/ this, and his family. they live in a hotel bc they are trying to get their life back together bc they had somethings happen but they want to help me and maybe get us a place bfs mom has a great job and if i can move up near them or in the hotel for a bit i can possibly work w/ her and make a lot of money and not have to worry so much about daycare bc i would have people to help i dont have many people that can watch them bc everyone works...

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Talk to your bf's mom about employment.  Perhaps she can offer you a job?  You can move your kids out of your parent's house and into a better environment for them.  If you don't do this right away the cops will be called and more problems will ensue.  You have people to help watch your kids closer to where this bf's mom lives.  It sounds like a win/win situation to me. 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:17 AM

the only concern i have to that is that it isnt really a home, it is a small studio type hotel with a kitchen. if i were to get a job w/ her, my children can still finish out the year at their school bc of the taxi service the school has for kids like this. but the hotel obviously wouldnt be permanent just until i could start working and get enough money to find a rental house...i guess i dont know if living in a hotel (for a period of time, til I can get things settled) is a great idea for the kids or if my ex will try to take them away from me...or worse, my mom trying

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Can I just say you all have been so uplifting and made me see that I can do something about this, thank you all so much for your support and advice it is so much children come first and that is all i worry about and i do not want them taken from me...their father already said he couldnt take care of them, its in our parenting agreement...but i worry bc he has threated me w/ that he would take them from me.

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:19 PM

How long have you and your BF been together? How well do you know his family? Are your parents just trying to protect you and the kids or are they really being unresonable? I feel like something is missing from your post, that's why I am asking these questions. Maybe I am misunderstanding something? 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:29 PM

i totally understand...i have been w/ my bf for a yr and a half...his parents are great and i love them...they have always been there for me and the kids...i am close w/ his sister and her bf and their kids...the reason my parents dont like my bf is bc he doesnt have a stable job and doesnt live on his own...but he has always done what he can to help me take care of the kids when he can, all the money he makes he gives to me and his mom and keeps little for himself...he wants to work, its just his line of work is not busy right now...he also cannot get a regular job bc of his record from when he was younger, but he wants to fix that so he can get a better job...they also dont like him bc i hid the fact i was seeing someone, we werent dating at the time and i didnt want them to meet this guy i was hanging out w/...i didnt see the point but then we ended up dating and my mom already judged him bc he was staying w me in the house my ex was paying for bc we were not divroced yet...i understand her being upset but to say he is a loser and a fucking bum is uncalled for...she hasnt tried to get to know him or who he is...they just think that he is a bad guy and thats it...they think he was only w/ me bc i had a house and he could stay over...he hasnt left and now we hardly see each other bc of her but yet he still wants to be w/ me and help me take care of the kids...hope that gives more background

by Ruby Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:07 PM
3 moms liked this

 i didnt read the entire thing but my first advice is get rid of the bf. hes not working, hes not an asset to you, and you arent even divorced yet. what kidn of man wants a woman that isnt on her feet yet? one on the make. your mom has a point.

you need to do what you need to do to become self sufficient. see if you can get into a certification class via social services. they can aslo help you get subsidized daycare. you will have a hell of a lot easier time getting help w daycare when you have nothing than if you work a low wage job.

stay busy with goals and you will hav el;ess time for drama w your family. think of it this way, your mom may not be the sweetest person but she took in you and FIVE KIDS she did not have to. you may be grown, but you are under her roof, no job, five kids w a loser unemployed bf and nto even divorced. not to be mean or put you down at all, but get rid of the bf and do what you need to do FOR YOU.

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