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baby daddy drama

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:08 AM
  • 8 Replies

I know that's a rather vague title for my post, I'm sure we all deal with lots of that here... I was unsure how to categorize my rant. Here it goes:

My daughter's father and I are not on good terms, which is not my doing. He simply refuses to get along with me. Despite out differences, I still encourage him to have a relationship with his daughter (who is 12 now). As a result, our daughter is starting to see him for who he really is. She is beginning to realize that he is a real person with faults and it's disillusioning.

I've repeatedly asked him not to discuss personal/private matters with her. She doesn't need to be aware of our personal issues nor our financial situations. Yet he continues to do so and it's giving his daughter a poor opinion of him. He vents his frustrations around her, thinking she'll be sympathetic and take his side. It really bothers her that he never has anything nice to say to her and that he's always bad mouthing me.

I told her that she has a right not to speak to him if she doesn't want to. So she ignores his phone calls and refuses to speak to him anymore. Yet he continues to barrage her with phone calls and text messages on a regular basis begging her to talk to him. I asked him to stop and give her some space, I even tried explaining things to him and he wouldn't listen.

He's convinced I've poisoned her against me and I'm preventing any contact between them. He even went so far as to call the police to do a "welfare check" on me. The police found nothing wrong. When I explained the situation they suggested I file a report. Apparently what he is doing is considered harrassment. I could go so far as to place an 'order of protection' on my daughter if necessary. I was hoping it wouldn't come to that but he won't listen to reason.

Am I being unreasonable or is this grounds for harrassment?


Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime.
~William Shakespeare

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:16 AM

Thats rough, I'm sorry you and your dd are going through this. It sounds like he isn't going to listen to reason from you, and he's already got his mind set that you turned her against him. I think the best way to save your daughters relationship with her father is through family counseling. Maybe if he hears the self destructive pattern from someone else, he will be able to listen better and turn it around. Good luck! I wouldn't file harrasment charges just yet. It really just sounds like he loves her and misses her and doesn't realize what he's doing because he's just so caught up in wanting a good relationship with his daughter. Maybe he just doesn't know how to do it.  Good luck! 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:26 PM
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The police already told you you have a possible case of harrassment. There's no harm in filing a police report about it . . . this doesn't mean you'll have to take out the order of protection. But if his negative behavior escalates to a point where you feel like you (or your daughter) is in danger, you now have valid documentation to support your case that this isn't a one-time thing.

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:44 PM

 Good luck whatever you decide.

The SweetPea always reminds me of NBC new! 

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:36 PM
You just described my ex and his relationship with my daughter now they have no contact in his mind it's my fault
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 6:18 PM

To me thats karma, for them being how they were. IF my youngest father comes around finally, and wants to be in the picture. He better do it when she's young still, not older since this will happen odds are to him. I know this happened to me when I got older, and my dad who left my mom prego. As time went on, I stop seeing him as someone I wanted an for who he was. An I didn't, do I speak to him yet he didn't try harder to be in my life. 

You do what you got to do, if the police told you could be a maybe ppo case. Hey there you go, if you don't want to do that have her talk to him. She's old enough that she can speak her mind, and at this age their starting to raise themselves more. Good luck, and when I hear about pushy fathers. I am thankful my youngest father, split on us and won't talk to me. Cares to see her, its easier to deal with. 

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:14 AM
I think she just needs to tell him how she feels. So then he may realize it wasn't you.
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by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:45 AM

Sounds like he loves her and wants a relationship with her otherwise he wouldnt be calling/txting so much. Hes just immature when it comes to your (you and his) relationship. Someone (preferably your dd) needs to tell him she doesnt like when he talks like that and she doesnt want to hear about your problems. I wouldnt file harrassment charges on him just because he is trying to have contact with his dd unless she makes it very clear to him that she wants nothing to do with him and he continues to call/txt afterwards. He will more than likely need to hear that from her though and not you because he already blames you.

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:46 PM

This reminds me of my ex minus the RO.  However, had he continued to be a complete jerk towards our daughter I would have gone after an RO.   My ex has no idea how to be a father.  He's proven that twice to me.  He also has no idea how to be a decent husband.  My ex can't have a decent conversation with our daughter without becoming unhinged.  I've blocked his cell phone from my daughter's.  He's completely unstable.  Until he gets therapy for his many issues, I'm making sure he stays away from our daughter.  Had I not blocked him from my daughter's cell phone he would have continued to bully her.   Don't ever take what you think are threats not serious.  If someone is of sound mind they wouldn't go off the deep end.   Keep on your ex and make sure that he stays away from your child until he gets the held he deserves.

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