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Torn... Advice??

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:05 PM
  • 13 Replies

 So my Beau and I recently went through a break-up. It was a bad, rough break-up. And not only was it very hard on me, it has been VERY hard on my son. Ex isn't my son's dad, although he was the one and only positive male role model in my son's life. My son talks about him constantly, wants to know if we can go back home with him, wants to go stay with him, call him, all that... Well, Ex wants to take my son out to eat and on lunch and dinner dates from time to time. I don't know if I should let him. My son would love it! But I don't know if it's necessarily a good idea. I feel like Ex, threw us away like we meant nothing and a big "Eff You" to us, and yet now he wants to spend time with my son.
What would you do?

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:09 PM
How old is your son?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PeaceLoveZ
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:12 PM

He's 3, 4 in August.

Quoting conniejo75:

How old is your son?

 

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:18 PM
4 moms liked this
I think at that age it will confuse him more. I think I would not let him. If he was older and understood that adults break up and life goes on... then yes I would still let him be friends with him. But at this age he will forget him eventually. Just reassure him you are not going anywhere and that you and him are a family now. Acknowledge his feelings of missing ex but don't focus on it. Saying things like "I know you miss him and I do too sometimes" and then change to something positive... he will be ok.


Quoting PeaceLoveZ:

He's 3, 4 in August.


Quoting conniejo75:

How old is your son?

 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PeaceLoveZ
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:37 PM

 Thanks :)

Quoting conniejo75:

I think at that age it will confuse him more. I think I would not let him. If he was older and understood that adults break up and life goes on... then yes I would still let him be friends with him. But at this age he will forget him eventually. Just reassure him you are not going anywhere and that you and him are a family now. Acknowledge his feelings of missing ex but don't focus on it. Saying things like "I know you miss him and I do too sometimes" and then change to something positive... he will be ok.


Quoting PeaceLoveZ:

He's 3, 4 in August.


Quoting conniejo75:

How old is your son?

 


 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:57 PM

 Thinking you got the best answer. 

bzpdxmom
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree, don't let him go.  Do acknowledge his feelings and talk with him about it.  He might miss him, but he probably misses the consistency and routine and what was familiar to him, more than he misses your Ex.  You will fall into a new 'normal' and all wil be fine.  Just give him hugs and focus heavily on routine and consistency with your boy...like reading and cuddle/talk time every night at bedtime :)  Good luck!

s.osborne
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:42 PM

 NOPE.

Stephd710
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:43 PM
2 moms liked this

I wouldnt do it.  Just make a clean break.  What if he does the dates and then decides to stop?  Your son will be hurt all over again. 

PeaceLoveZ
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thank you! You all have made me feel much better about saying NO

easinpc
by Gold Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 I know that it may be hard to do but I would have to agree with this.  Hugs!!


Quoting conniejo75:

I think at that age it will confuse him more. I think I would not let him. If he was older and understood that adults break up and life goes on... then yes I would still let him be friends with him. But at this age he will forget him eventually. Just reassure him you are not going anywhere and that you and him are a family now. Acknowledge his feelings of missing ex but don't focus on it. Saying things like "I know you miss him and I do too sometimes" and then change to something positive... he will be ok.


Quoting PeaceLoveZ:

He's 3, 4 in August.


Quoting conniejo75:

How old is your son?

 



 

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