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Crazy ex wants custody - I know it's long BUT LADIES...advice PLEASE!!

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:36 PM
  • 13 Replies

I am going to try to make this as short as possible. My exboyfriend (of six months) is crazy. I filed a restraining order against them and they issued me a temp one for 3 months. My lawyer told the judge that I would be absent on the next court date to extend it because I would be further along in my pregnancy and she was ok with that but said that I HAD to give my ex updates on my pregnancy during that time. When the time came to go back, even though I wanted to be there, I wasn't, there was a new judge and he threw out the restraining order because of my absence. I was so pissed, mostly at myself for not listening to my gut but instead listening to my parents and my lawyer. Anyway, ex did leave me alone for a few months but just recently started contacting me along with his mother. They are calling my parents, my ex boyfriends, my friends, my old work - everybody! He is bipolar and he hit me more than once, forced himself on me, and was emotionally abusive as well. Him and his mother harrassed me saying things like, "we're gonna take your house, we''re taking that baby from you, you're an alcoholic, blah blah blah." I am not an alcoholic but in the few months he and I were together, YES we did drink (we are adults) and one time he took pictures of me when I had passed out drunk and he is trying to use those against me to say that I'm not a good mom.One of his friends told me a long time ago that he had been in gay porn under a different name so I looked him up and THERE HE IS! He was doing gay porn all the way up until mid January on top of being on a gay webcam site and it is all over the internet! Whenever he logs on and does a video, there is a time stamp so I have been keeping records of all of it. His mother just now texted me and said that if we do not let him see the baby and have shared custody they will be takin us to court and asking for reimbursement for legal fees. Even though I know he is the father, I will still not be putting his name on the birth certificate so he has to prove paternity first. I DO NOT want him having shared custody especially because of his history of abuse, he was in prison (which I didn't know until later - one of the many reasons we broke up) for drug trafficking, he's bipolar, and he's doing gay porn. I have said I will allow supervised visitation but THAT IS IT! I do not want my daughter alone with someone who does sex work out of their home! Disgusting. I need to know... what do you ladies think my chances are of getting full custody and him having supervised visitation. PLEASE...ANY ADVICE  or personal stories. would be greatly appreciated

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ZipporahH
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Sounds like my ex-boyfriend and his mother... They pulled the same thing. His mother threatened me and so did he. I didn't hear from him since he left me at 3 1/2 months pregnant. Then as soon as I hit the starting of my 9 th month, he calls out of the blue. He claimed that I called his mother. Which I did not, I mean I don't have her number and I wouldn't call her to save my life. He told me if I had a problem, I need to call him and that I needed to stop my crap... I was thrown back by that phone call and was like "what the hell?". So, I changed my number. 


I didn't put him on the birth certificate and I'm not going to collect child support. I don't want him in my sons life at all. He is a violent person. He use to verbally abuse me, he tried to force himself on me once, he is bi-polar and doesn't take his medication, he has PTSD, he beat up his own mother a few times. The ex-girlfriend he had before me, he put her head thru a wall, while she was pregnant. He is suicidal, has stolen money from me and my mother, tried to beat up my little brother, gave me HPV, because of his cheating, while I was pregnant (which ment, he had no regard for my body or the unborn child growing inside of me), he falsified a claim to CPS, that his own sister and her husband were molesting their 3 and 4 year old, he has been arrested a few times for battery, and the list goes on. I will leave the country, before I let a judge rule that he has rights to my baby boy.

dom3269
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 12:23 AM

 OMG! Your ex and mine sound so alike.

So what happened? Did he ever take you to court for custody? Or did you file for sole physical and legal custody? If so, how did you prove this all to a judge?

Quoting ZipporahH:

Sounds like my ex-boyfriend and his mother... They pulled the same thing. His mother threatened me and so did he. I didn't hear from him since he left me at 3 1/2 months pregnant. Then as soon as I hit the starting of my 9 th month, he calls out of the blue. He claimed that I called his mother. Which I did not, I mean I don't have her number and I wouldn't call her to save my life. He told me if I had a problem, I need to call him and that I needed to stop my crap... I was thrown back by that phone call and was like "what the hell?". So, I changed my number. 

 

I didn't put him on the birth certificate and I'm not going to collect child support. I don't want him in my sons life at all. He is a violent person. He use to verbally abuse me, he tried to force himself on me once, he is bi-polar and doesn't take his medication, he has PTSD, he beat up his own mother a few times. The ex-girlfriend he had before me, he put her head thru a wall, while she was pregnant. He is suicidal, has stolen money from me and my mother, tried to beat up my little brother, gave me HPV, because of his cheating, while I was pregnant (which ment, he had no regard for my body or the unborn child growing inside of me), he falsified a claim to CPS, that his own sister and her husband were molesting their 3 and 4 year old, he has been arrested a few times for battery, and the list goes on. I will leave the country, before I let a judge rule that he has rights to my baby boy.


 

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:13 AM

Good luck to you

paganmommy4
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 9:01 PM

File for sole custody and put in your stipulations

Maof2.sarah
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:21 PM

I would definitely contact a lawyer to understand your rights. The courthouse may have free services if you explain the violent situation. When I was getting a divorce my lawyer told me to start a handwritten journal and document both the good and bad. Everything! It will give you a accurate detailed record if you ever do need to fight 

dom3269
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:24 AM
Thats what im doing. I have a journal for my peegnancy and pagea and pages of the text messages hes sending. Yesterday he sent my mother 42 messages including ramdom pictures of himself! We both do have lawyers so I font understand why he continuea to contact my mom like that. The messages are nonsense too. Just the rantings of a crazy person! Im going to request the judge to order him to stop. We cant take this. Baby isnt even here yet!
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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 8:31 PM
File for full custody with supervised visits and be able to prove all your accusations. Be squeaky clean and give him nothing to use against you in court. Block and ignore everyone, other than sending updates on the baby by email so you have proof you did it and you won't have to deal with them. Document everything.
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MandaMommyof2
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:49 AM
I feel your pain. I am 8 months pregnant had to move out of state and in with my mom in mo because of various reasons exf list his job around the time I got pregnant. When nothing good turned up I tried to all him into McDonald's job he said at Christmas time he was over qualified. At Christmas time he also said he was still in love with his ex that he had done baf things when he lived in Huston his family sells pills. Is in and out of jail they even lived with me in my house twice (before I knew all the crap. Before I was pg). He recently had his ex. (The one he was supposedly still in love with) msging me on fb. At first she was all sweet and saying aww he is so worried (they think baby is here. Have for we'll over a month now) saying if I can't talk to him at least talk to his mom (who was nothing but a bitc. To me an slammed me and my mom all over fb when I finialy decided to leave So my mom and I decided to set her straight. She ten got snarky saying he was only marrying me cause I was pg. (we were engaged before i was pg) that he only lied about to McDonald job cause he wanted better (some money is better than no money. He just wanted to sit on his ass while me and my family paid the bills ect) Basically everything I thought him to be was a huge lie. Everything was so fabricated that I actualy believed it. Smh. His name will not be on the birth certificate. And I will not be seeking child suport either. If he ever tried to take me to court he wouldn't win. Your not alone. Keep your chin up. *on my phone. Sorry if this is hard to read*
dom3269
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:49 AM

 I have all the paperwork ready to file, just waiting for her to arrive. I can't file until she's here because I have to put her birthdate on there and there's a change she might not come on her due date. I don't want to send the updates on the baby to him yet because I want him to prove paternity (which I requested in the paperwork). Once he proves paternity, I will send him all updates but not until then. You really can't work with him and his mom, they are not reasonable people. I want to do everything properly and make it legal. My lawyer did tell his lawyer when the baby was due and the baby;s name - for now that is all he needs to know until he takes a DNA test.

I haven't done anything in these past few months that he can use against me. He is saying I'm an alcoholic and he has pictures and he's goin to use those against me but that was almost a YEAR ago and my lawyer said the judge won't even take that into consideration especially since with all my doctor's appointments and everything, they always do the urine test which shows I hvaen't done anything!

Quoting Robsessed98:

File for full custody with supervised visits and be able to prove all your accusations. Be squeaky clean and give him nothing to use against you in court. Block and ignore everyone, other than sending updates on the baby by email so you have proof you did it and you won't have to deal with them. Document everything.


 

dom3269
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:50 AM

 I'm filing for sole physical and legal custody and he can  only have supervised visitation when she's old enough

Quoting paganmommy4:

File for sole custody and put in your stipulations


 

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