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Can't do this!

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 1:53 PM
  • 8 Replies
Ok im a single mom of a 3 yr old girl and 5 yr old boy and im at my breaking point! They are out of control i tried to get them to sleep at 8 pm they laughed screamed fought until 11 pm i read to them they wouldnt sit still or listen. they refuse to eat anything i cook them. wont put their toys away and when i say im going to give them away they just laugh and say idc! they run around i try time out again they laugh. i love them but i really hate the way they act. i work 12 hr shifts 2 days a week as a cna so my mother watches them after school and daycare and she lets them get away with everything giving them junk food and no discipline! ive been yelling and spanking alot and im so ashamed i rly need help advice resources anything! my landlord said my house was unsanitary even though i clean everyday but the one day she decides to do inspections i had worked all week and was exhausted. so there were a couple dirty clothes on the br floor and dishes in the sink! i was so pissed because the rest of the house was spotless and she doesnt understand how hard it is to keep up with everything by myself! my mom and i have had a horrible off and on relationship for yrs now and i just feel like i dont know how to teach them because i dont know how to live myself!! plz help
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by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 1:53 PM
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Replies (1-8):
LovingMy2x4
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:44 PM

My biggest peice of advice would be to FOLLOW THROUGH. If you threaten your kids with something, FOLLOW THROUGH. So next time you tell them to clean up their toys or you are giving them away...you better give them away when they dont clean up! They probably know that you dont mean what you say, so they dont have to do it. Come up with some threats that you will actually act on. 

If you can, try and find another sitter for your kids. My mom was the same exact way. Talk to her first about rules for YOUR children and tell her that you will have to find someone else if she can not respect you as the PARENT. 

Start with rewards instead of punishments. This seemed to have worked well on my kids. "Ok guys, we are going into the supermarket now. If you guys are on your BEST behavior and I dont have to yell at you AT ALL, you can each get a candy on the way out" works much better then A. Yelling the entire time B. Having a punishment looming over their heads. Once that punishment is issued, there is no reason to behave anymore...they're going to be punished anyway! You can do this with most things including meal times (if you eat your dinner you get dessert, if they dont eat do not give them anything else except water for the rest of the night) and bed times (go to bed when mommy tells you to all week and Saturday morning we will go to the park). Eventually they will learn the right way to behave without the rewards. 

bubsteroni
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:52 PM

hugs

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 2:58 PM

completely agree....

Quoting LovingMy2x4:

My biggest peice of advice would be to FOLLOW THROUGH. If you threaten your kids with something, FOLLOW THROUGH. So next time you tell them to clean up their toys or you are giving them away...you better give them away when they dont clean up! They probably know that you dont mean what you say, so they dont have to do it. Come up with some threats that you will actually act on. 

If you can, try and find another sitter for your kids. My mom was the same exact way. Talk to her first about rules for YOUR children and tell her that you will have to find someone else if she can not respect you as the PARENT. 

Start with rewards instead of punishments. This seemed to have worked well on my kids. "Ok guys, we are going into the supermarket now. If you guys are on your BEST behavior and I dont have to yell at you AT ALL, you can each get a candy on the way out" works much better then A. Yelling the entire time B. Having a punishment looming over their heads. Once that punishment is issued, there is no reason to behave anymore...they're going to be punished anyway! You can do this with most things including meal times (if you eat your dinner you get dessert, if they dont eat do not give them anything else except water for the rest of the night) and bed times (go to bed when mommy tells you to all week and Saturday morning we will go to the park). Eventually they will learn the right way to behave without the rewards. 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


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brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 3:31 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

I know living is sometimes hard, but you just have to keep up with it.  When you tell the kids certain things and you don't follow through, they know you are not serious.  Maybe putting some toys away out of reach and leaving a few out for them to play, and switch off every couple of months or so, you will see what they will play and won't play - if they don't play with them, then it's time to say bye bye to the goodwill store.

As far as bedtime rituals, if you give them dinner at a certain time everyday.  Make sure they get dessert too - just before bedtime.  Also, it might be good they take a bath just before bedtime, or a 1/2 hour tv show they like to see.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:42 PM

Agreed!! Good luck mama!!

Quoting LovingMy2x4:

My biggest peice of advice would be to FOLLOW THROUGH. If you threaten your kids with something, FOLLOW THROUGH. So next time you tell them to clean up their toys or you are giving them away...you better give them away when they dont clean up! They probably know that you dont mean what you say, so they dont have to do it. Come up with some threats that you will actually act on. 

If you can, try and find another sitter for your kids. My mom was the same exact way. Talk to her first about rules for YOUR children and tell her that you will have to find someone else if she can not respect you as the PARENT. 

Start with rewards instead of punishments. This seemed to have worked well on my kids. "Ok guys, we are going into the supermarket now. If you guys are on your BEST behavior and I dont have to yell at you AT ALL, you can each get a candy on the way out" works much better then A. Yelling the entire time B. Having a punishment looming over their heads. Once that punishment is issued, there is no reason to behave anymore...they're going to be punished anyway! You can do this with most things including meal times (if you eat your dinner you get dessert, if they dont eat do not give them anything else except water for the rest of the night) and bed times (go to bed when mommy tells you to all week and Saturday morning we will go to the park). Eventually they will learn the right way to behave without the rewards. 


____________________________



LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:53 PM
I agree follow through is key. I started a reward system Once DS builds his potato head he gets a hot wheel it's worked wonders. Before we go places we talk about what I expect from him and we leave if he isn't acting appropriately. (I left a full cart of groceries one time) he gets to pick his dinner 1 night a week and part of each meal (the veg or carb) I don't make a separate meal If he doesn't eat he will survive if he wants something later I reheat the plate he doesn't eat. I'm not saying I'm perfect or he is we are both far far from it but these things have worked for me and has made my life go a little easier
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reynab27
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 12:52 AM
Oh wow we sound so alike im a cna working twelves and my youngest are two and four im constantly getting into it with my mother four spoiling my son and meddling in my relationship with my kids.... Oh and idc how much i clean these kids mess up this house...if I'm tired on my one day off and just want to relax i cant so i know how you feel....hugs momma
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hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:52 AM
First you need to talk to your mom about giving them junk food. Thats causing all that hyperactivity. Take some fruits and veggie over to her house with them. They need structure, a set bed time, play time etc. When my kids start bouncing off walls. I turn off tv, light , make them lay down. You can also start a behavior chart. Get a poster buy stickers, every time they behave ,get to put a sticker on poster. When they reach a certain number of stickers, can get a small reward.
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