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How do I go about telling my ex that I am in a new relationship

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:50 PM
  • 30 Replies
I have a 15 month old with my ex. Our relationship was never really good (just two completely different people and he lied to me a lot and cheated on me once that i know of and had a porn addiction) and we finally ended it a couple months ago. I've lived out of state from him for the last two months and he's been a real douche and barely skypes and always has excuses about it but soon we will be in the same state again which I am glad for since it means he will be a regular part of DDs life again. He is a good dad and he pays me cs with no trouble.Well I've been talking to someone who happens to be my ex from when I was 15 (and we have talked throughout the years but just were in different places etc). He's loved me ever since then and he tals about moving to be with me from another state which obvipusly makes it serious in itself anf shed see him being that im a single mom so where i go, she goes.
Well my concern is obviously my ex. He is a very emotional and spiteful person and I just don't know how to tell him. I'm shre he will be angry and not want this new guy in his daughters life and may even throw in my face we haven't been broken up long but our relationship was over ling before that emotionally and physically.I have no intentions of keeping him from his daughter or replacing him in her life or anything.I'm just so stressed out about it. I guess my worst fear is that he will try to take her away from me or something crazy. Who has gone through this? I know there's plenty of people so how did you tell your ex and how did things go?
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:54 PM

 It ended a couple months with the ex, make sure its officially over and he knows and agrees to this and like you has moved on.

Once you and the other guy are more serious and in a relationship hopefully by than your ex would have accepted that you and him are no more and will not be bothered about your new relationship.

Ashleeduhh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:56 PM
Yes but like I said we were in a horrible place before we finally separated
We fought all the time and he's the one who stared the break up convo and he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and I wasn't with him anymore
I don't think it'll be as much about me but I think he will be angry about another man being in my dds life..


Quoting virginiamama71:

 It ended a couple months with the ex, make sure its officially over and he knows and agrees to this and like you has moved on.


Once you and the other guy are more serious and in a relationship hopefully by than your ex would have accepted that you and him are no more and will not be bothered about your new relationship.

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opinionated07
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I went through this and my ex was pissed but they get over it believe me just takes time. As for telling him I didn't have to do that cuz I'm from a small town and that was done for me lol I would just come out and say it u dont have to say ur dating someone just say ur talking to someone and it has potential to be more. Good luck with whatever u decide!
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Jkia1boy
by Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:02 PM
Look, BUMP HIM! TELL HIM TO GET THE HECK ON! THEY DO IT TO US ALL THE TIME (MEN)!
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virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:04 PM

 No man wants to see another man taking care of his child, but he cannot expect you to live a life alone, so over time he will get over it and if you think its going to be an issue if you tell him now, wait awhile until you are for certain this new guy is going to be serious and the other one has completely let go of you.

Quoting Ashleeduhh:

Yes but like I said we were in a horrible place before we finally separated
We fought all the time and he's the one who stared the break up convo and he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and I wasn't with him anymore
I don't think it'll be as much about me but I think he will be angry about another man being in my dds life..


Quoting virginiamama71:

 It ended a couple months with the ex, make sure its officially over and he knows and agrees to this and like you has moved on.


Once you and the other guy are more serious and in a relationship hopefully by than your ex would have accepted that you and him are no more and will not be bothered about your new relationship.

 

Ashleeduhh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:09 PM
Thanks
We just have always had major issues communicating and it always turns into a huge fight and I'm sure this will, too. Sighhhh
I wouldn't tell him except for the fact that he's bound to run into him when visiting DD or something. And if it were him dating someone, I'd wanna know. I mean if this was just casual dating, I'd say nothing but it would not be since he'd be moving to be there
I won't move in with him for a while as I told him ( he's all gung ho and lets jump in but I want to wait anf see how things go ) but he will obviously see dd.


Quoting opinionated07:

I went through this and my ex was pissed but they get over it believe me just takes time. As for telling him I didn't have to do that cuz I'm from a small town and that was done for me lol I would just come out and say it u dont have to say ur dating someone just say ur talking to someone and it has potential to be more. Good luck with whatever u decide!
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Ashleeduhh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Yeah like I said, its not me I'm worried about him being over and like you said, there will never be a day that he's happy another man is in his daughters life.
The reason I'd have to tell him relatively soon is because the new bf is seriously planning to move to where ill be, not in with me but he's likely to run into the ex at some point and I'd hate that to be how he found out and I'd be pissed if he did that to me soo idk
So stressful


Quoting virginiamama71:

 No man wants to see another man taking care of his child, but he cannot expect you to live a life alone, so over time he will get over it and if you think its going to be an issue if you tell him now, wait awhile until you are for certain this new guy is going to be serious and the other one has completely let go of you.


Quoting Ashleeduhh:

Yes but like I said we were in a horrible place before we finally separated
We fought all the time and he's the one who stared the break up convo and he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and I wasn't with him anymore
I don't think it'll be as much about me but I think he will be angry about another man being in my dds life..



Quoting virginiamama71:


 It ended a couple months with the ex, make sure its officially over and he knows and agrees to this and like you has moved on.



Once you and the other guy are more serious and in a relationship hopefully by than your ex would have accepted that you and him are no more and will not be bothered about your new relationship.


 

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Ashleeduhh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 7:13 PM
Lol that's how I feel sometimes
I have very mixed feleings
He was a rly bad bf
I mean he cheated and lied to me
So it seems crazy that I care what he thinks but mostly I'm just worried he will try doing something crazy like get custody of dd which I'm fairly certain he couldn't being that I've been with her every single day since she was born and have done no weong as her mother. The only negative thing he could say is I don't work but they don't take kids away foe that. I'm going back to school this fall


Quoting Jkia1boy:

Look, BUMP HIM! TELL HIM TO GET THE HECK ON! THEY DO IT TO US ALL THE TIME (MEN)!
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:12 PM
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No need to tell him anything, til the guy actually moves to the same state as you and where will he be living - with you or ???? Just because the guy you have been talking too  says he's loved you all these years, doesn' put a dent in my opinion.  

First you need to take care of yourself and guy #1 (child's dad), before you can begin to think of a new relationship healthywise.  Good luck

Ashleeduhh
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:42 PM
Yeah I meant when the time comes. we have talked many times through out the years and he always says the same stuff but I want in the right place yet. I used to be very flighty. he will move though and ill have to explain it all. dreading that.
dd is great and well taken care of and my ex isn't my problem. we just are civil and chip parent best we can and that wouldn't change


Quoting brieri:

No need to tell him anything, til the guy actually moves to the same state as you and where will he be living - with you or ???? Just because the guy you have been talking too  says he's loved you all these years, doesn' put a dent in my opinion.  


First you need to take care of yourself and guy #1 (child's dad), before you can begin to think of a new relationship healthywise.  Good luck

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