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Divorce...immediate re-marriage

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
  • 24 Replies
1 mom liked this
Ok, so my ex husband and I had our divorce finalized in December 2011 after being separated for about 10 months. During our marriage and separation he had a 'friend' I did not approve of b/c I just didn't feel their relationship was just a friendship. I of course found out they were more than friends which was part of the reason for our separation. Three months after our divorce was finalized, he and this young lady were married! It's now been a yr and I still am somewhat appalled at them. I want to get to the point where this is not how I see her (as a homewrecker etc). She's my sons stepmother, she truly loves and cares for him and I appreciate that. She also has been helpful as the voice of reason when my ex and i have had spats abt our son; i just cant get the part out of my head that she carried on a relationship with someone while he was CLEARLY married. the good things she has done still dont outweigh that major character flaw. Any advice on moving forward? I am in no way still holding on to the former relationship my ex husband and I had, that ship has sailed and sunk *thank goodness*
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by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 2:17 PM
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Well I thinj if he was lying to you then he was lying to her. Despite the facts, given how much she cared foe him abything he told her she woukd trust. So if he tokd her your marriage was already over etc then what else would she think. My ex did this too. We were dating for months and his ex said they were still together. I thought she was crazy because I believed him. I loved their daughter and raised her often on my own. She is my baby as much as hers. Then he keft me and I realized he pukked the same pattern on his new chick. His ex was probably telling the truth but I was too attached to him to see it.
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 2:19 PM
You are only hurting yourself holding on to the anger. Obviously he was done with the relationship before you seperated. Just let it go.
I know people that married someone new the day after their divorce was final. I figure it's their lives / their mistake.
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areecepiece
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:36 PM
I think my main issue is what do I tell my son? I don't harbor angry feelings toward her, I just don't agree with who she is as a woman. And it's easy to say don't worry abt her and what she does but this is someone my son will grow up around. It's not my place to tell him the specifics regarding her and his dad, he'll figure that out on his own. but I sure as hell don't want him growing up thinking that kind of behavior is in any way Ok. For him to say 'well it worked out for my dad...etc'


Quoting conniejo75:

You are only hurting yourself holding on to the anger. Obviously he was done with the relationship before you seperated. Just let it go.

I know people that married someone new the day after their divorce was final. I figure it's their lives / their mistake.

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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 4:48 PM
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You don't need to explain anything to your son. It doesn't make any difference. My kids will never know their Dad cheated. But I have also raised my kids to know that they treat a woman with respect. The past is the past. They very well could have been close friends and not started anything sexual until you guys seperated... or maybe they didn't. But either way, your son only needs to know mom and dad got divorced and dad remarried.


Quoting areecepiece:

I think my main issue is what do I tell my son? I don't harbor angry feelings toward her, I just don't agree with who she is as a woman. And it's easy to say don't worry abt her and what she does but this is someone my son will grow up around. It's not my place to tell him the specifics regarding her and his dad, he'll figure that out on his own. but I sure as hell don't want him growing up thinking that kind of behavior is in any way Ok. For him to say 'well it worked out for my dad...etc'




Quoting conniejo75:

You are only hurting yourself holding on to the anger. Obviously he was done with the relationship before you seperated. Just let it go.


I know people that married someone new the day after their divorce was final. I figure it's their lives / their mistake.


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staceyp6180
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:04 PM
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Quick question(s)...you weren't living together for at least 10 months before you got divorced? Was he not suppose to have a girlfriend after you two split? Was he with her while you were living together?
If she is good to your child and polite to you and wasn't with him while you two were living together...I personally don't see any problem with it. However....if he was with her while you were still with him then you have every right to be upset/pissed, etc. But holding this above this womans head is going to do nothing but cause you anguish. Its been over a year, (I don't want this to be taken as me being nasty or rude) you have to get over it.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:05 PM

 Hi and welcome to the group.

Yep, been there done that - same issue. Good luck.

areecepiece
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Yep, they were dating while we were together and then after. I don't mind the response, I asked the question :) I'm totally for moving past my perception of her, just any tips on how to do so


Quoting staceyp6180:

Quick question(s)...you weren't living together for at least 10 months before you got divorced? Was he not suppose to have a girlfriend after you two split? Was he with her while you were living together?

If she is good to your child and polite to you and wasn't with him while you two were living together...I personally don't see any problem with it. However....if he was with her while you were still with him then you have every right to be upset/pissed, etc. But holding this above this womans head is going to do nothing but cause you anguish. Its been over a year, (I don't want this to be taken as me being nasty or rude) you have to get over it.

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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Welcome I don't have any tips but good luck!
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staceyp6180
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:29 PM
Ok then you have every right to be pissed/upset. Its really hard to say how you can move on since you still have to see them together due to the fact that you have a child in common with him. Do you have a hobby, friends, concentrate on just making sure your child has the best life possible.


Quoting areecepiece:

Yep, they were dating while we were together and then after. I don't mind the response, I asked the question :) I'm totally for moving past my perception of her, just any tips on how to do so




Quoting staceyp6180:

Quick question(s)...you weren't living together for at least 10 months before you got divorced? Was he not suppose to have a girlfriend after you two split? Was he with her while you were living together?


If she is good to your child and polite to you and wasn't with him while you two were living together...I personally don't see any problem with it. However....if he was with her while you were still with him then you have every right to be upset/pissed, etc. But holding this above this womans head is going to do nothing but cause you anguish. Its been over a year, (I don't want this to be taken as me being nasty or rude) you have to get over it.


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teamwilson
by Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:33 PM
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FiRst appearances Are hard to erase. I say don't tell your son anything. Just continue to teach him what's right and as far as she goes watch her decision making when it comes to your son. We've all made bad decisions before hopefully we learn from them
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