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Do you ever forget?

Posted by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:18 PM
  • 19 Replies
My kids and I left an abusive relationship many years ago and yet we are still in family court. The 2nd restraining order is in effect for 'hope you die' messages the individual sent me, showing up uninvited to our home and following and threatening my son, etc.

I believe avoiding the individual will keep me safe, don't believe he has changed and is a real sociopath, so many lies that could never be summarized. I don't argue with him in front of the kids, he has a poor history of visitation with the kids and all of this makes up who this individual is.

In court, the judge who should be neutral and his lawyer make comments that they can't understand how I don't want to communicate with him, he 'would do anything to communicate with her', how I should 'do it for the kids'.

My question, if you were in my place, do you ever forget? I think I would have to forget a horrible past, ignore my gut instinct and live in fear that something is going to happen. The courts are not inclined to consider abuse, the thought is, that's the past, but it isn't. It's who this individual is and unsupervised visitation is an example of how violence is ignored by courts.

If you communicate with someone who was violent, what did you need to do and how do you stay safe? Any positive suggestions would be great.
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:28 PM
I wish I knew what to say you will never and should never forget.. The courts don't live it first hand and honestly at times I don't agree they think its he said she said instead of what's going on
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by Tina on Mar. 11, 2013 at 10:56 PM

If one's past was that horrible, i don't think they would ever forget.

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 2:00 PM

My ex husband was very abusive, a few instances of physical abuse, but mostly verbal. I was able to get free legal aid and so forth because of the domestic violence. When it comes to the kids, since he didn't harm or hasn't harmed any of them, then it's ok for him to have normal visitation. Their belief is maybe he only focused on me and took out all his anger out on me, and won't do it towards the kids. There hasn't been any signs of abuse towards my daughter and with the twins, he hasn't been able to take them yet since they're only 1.

I've had to swallow my pride and shove all the past in the back of my head. I had to focus on being civil and doing what's best for the kids. I atleast have a restraining order against him, since he posted some stuff on facebook, so atleast my family always has to be around when he comes over. It used to be an emergency order of protection, but it was knocked down because he needed to be able to carry a fire arm for work. Yes, it hurts me and pisses me off when he comes over and I beyond hate being around him, but I do it for my kids. They love their dad so much and in his way, loves them, so there isn't anything I can do.

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 2:23 PM
I dont forget. He wasnt physically abusive to me but to the kids. He was emotionally and mentally abusive to me. screw what the courts think
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by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 2:56 PM

I have forgiven my ex because I'm a Christian.  BUT, I will  never forget what he did to me and our daughter.  My abuse was mental and I took it from the ex for 26 years.  Actually, I have a court case against him on Thursday.  He's currently in contempt of court (2nd charge) for non-payment of our divorce agreement.  My ex has been blocked from my daughter's cell phone because quite simply he can't stop being a bully to her.  She's an adult but not old enough nor mature enough to handle her father's constant mental abuse.  Instead of being a bully an acting like a father, my ex does the opposite.  My ex was emotionally and mentally abusive to me and my daughter for many years.  I could care less what the court thinks (the judge).  I'm sure he/she has many years on the bench and listening to all kinds of domestic cases.  Always tell the truth.  It makes the difference in any court case.  That's what I told my daughter. 

Once this court case is over with I hope that's that last time I ever have to deal with my ex.  He's a monster. 

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:43 PM
It is hard and I give you a lot of credit for staying strong, it is always for the kids and they will respect you for allowing them to visit.
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Thank you
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:48 PM
I'm so sorry for what you and your daughter have gone through, the courts group the cases together and should step away and place themselves in our place even for a moment. You are right always tell the truth, and I strongly believe in god.
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:49 PM
No, a person never forgets.
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:50 PM
Thank you, definitely shouldn't be this way.
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