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Single mom who is TERRIFIED in PA.

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:56 PM
  • 9 Replies

Good evening fellow moms..  Im a newbie here and hopefully I can find some advice.  I'm the single mother of a beautiful and smart 4-year-old.  I left her dad who i have been married to for five years thanks to my mother and sister.  Background history:  I lost my dad in 2010 at the age of 57 due to emphysema.  My daughter was only 6 months old when he died but she was her grandpas girl.   While my daddy was sick, my husband told my dad that he should have no worries and that he and I would make sure my mom and sister were taken care of.... being that neither one of them drive for health reasons.  I have always taken them wherever they needed to go.. doctors appointments, grocery shopping, or just the much needed girls day out shoppiing.  Meanwhile, mind you, my mom and sister provided free daycare for us.  I work from home anyways and he.. well is a work if he feels like it kind of guy.  my mom and sister, who we moved next door to when my daddy got reallly sick to help out... would be over at the house for me at 8 a.m. to watch my little girl so i could work until about 4:30 p.m.   My husband would come home, not even want dinner and i had to call my mom back to come watch my daughter so we could go to the bar and close it down.  Im hardly a drinker but i complied because you have to know him.. you dont tell him no.  For five years of marriage, I sugar coated and lied through every aspect when peoplel in my family would talk bad about him.. the people who truly saw the abuse I was suffering inside verbally from him.  Why???  Because I was absolutely terrifed to stand up.  When my daughter was born, i got the story from his sister and his mother.. which oh my are drinkers too, his sister bartends.. about how theyd be there for us and to babysit, etc.   Yeah... that lasted... NOT.  On the day we found my daddy had passed, they thought we needed to step out for awhile so my husband could drink.. his sister said shed babysit.  we were gone half an hour and were called to come home because she couldnt handle a crying baby.  needless to say, that was the end of that.

After my dad died, my husband told me he had a job offer and we had to move.  He was moving us including my mother and sister to Maryland, where my mom was born and raised and also has 8 siblings.  He found a house where we could all live together and split the expenses plus I would still have my free childcare. Well at this time, I was 23 weeks pregnant with my son, who I was naming after my dad.  Doc put me on weight restrictions, no lifting.  I followed it to the letter.  Got down there, was there a week.  i told my husband one night something didnt feel right.  I couldnt get comfortable.  I was in the bathroom and i felt my sons head so i knew this couldnt be good.  i called for my husband who told me i was in explicit language crazy because it was too early.  I said well im telling you what i feel.  he was too drunk to help me so i had to call 911 and i miscarried on our bedroom floor.  I lost alot of blood and had to be monitored at the hospital.  well, he made me tell them i was fine after about 2-1/2 hours because he had a hangover and wanted to get home to bed.  well naturally, the miscarriage put a wedge between us.  I wanted to try again and he didnt.  He changed jobs and then after about 6 months, i came home from a girls day out and he told me to get everyone prepared.. we were moving back to pennsylvania supposedly because he had a new job offer and his dad was sick.  My moms sister was devastated as we were.  my moims sister is my daughters godmother, came every saturday to see her.  We would be invited for dinners on the holidays but I wasnt allowed to go and they werent allowed to come to our house.  he drove all week and was too tired to go anywhere.  Now, let me add here, that during this year in maryland, he worked when he felt like it.  because when we got moved, he had no job for 6 months.  it was me supporting him, myself, and my daughter.  I was responsible for working all day and then turning around and cooking dinner beacuse he didnt like what mom made or didnt want it, taking care of my daughter after work, and then doing laundry until midnight.  Where was he in all of this.. mind you when he wasnt working?  He would sleep until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, get up to eat dinner with us, head down to the family room with my daughter and I where he would sit on facebook, maybe interact with our daughter for 20 minutes, and that was it.  id get her to bed and hed hit the bottle the moment we headed upstairs and drink until 7:30 a.m. to do it all over again. 

the move to Pennsylvania where we came from wasnt terrible but he didnt tell me the truth.. surprise surprise.  he told me we were 15 minutes from the grocery store or like walmart.. wrong more like 35 minutes.  Oh, and as for his dad, wasnt sick.  he just wanted to be back near his sister and them so they could all go drinking like they used to.  well i complied and kept quiet until easter.  a few days before easter we all went to the mall easter shopping.  i was told before we even left the house that day that we had $60 to spend on our daughter for easter to get her something nice.  i was allowed to get her a plastic easter pail and a package of those plastic easter eggs.. that was it.  he dropped us off at home, saying he left his cell phone in hsi buddys truck, which was a 40 minute drive.  he didnt get home until 10 that night and came in with a $30 bottle.  I said i thought we were broke.  he told me not to start cuz he wasnt hearing it and as far as my mom was concenred, they needed to move out the following day cuz he couldnt live with four women.  well i figured ok he was trashed so let him sleep on it.   he got up the following morning and started., asking when they were leaving.  I said they arent.  he ripped my daughter out of my arms and said if they arent moving out, he was takijng her.  my mom got in the middle when he put my daughter in my car, and was ready to drive off.  i was hysterical.  he called my mom and sister every name in the book and i called the police.

luckily, he only went down to the driveway with her but how was i to know that?  the police made him give her back to me.  my husband told them he had to leave for work but wanted my mom out.  i asked the police if i had to stay with my daughter because at that point, I saw the true rage and was absolutely terrified.  THe police said no and i could take her where we felt safe.  so i took her to my brothers, who w as the only family I had in the area and my husband knew that.  my husband had my cell phone shut off for 8 hours.  magically it comes back on and its a text from his sister telling me i better tell him where we are because it will get ugly if i dont.  next t hing i know, i just got my daughter to sleep and settled at my brothers when the police show up telling me my husband said i kidnapped her.  I have to this day never filed for anythign because im  terrified for us. 

I got a place with my mom and sister where we have been happy for over a year.  conveniently, he has moved twice, both times 5 minutes down the road from us.  Now, im obviously a dumbass.  my daughter rememebrs like yesterday the day he tried to take her.  She refuses to go see him by herself and will only go if im there.  I can  leave her with anyone else, anyone and she is fine watching me leave and does fine until I come back.  He has paid in the last year, child support voluntarily and not very much, $200, when he feels like it.  I have raised this blessing..  NOT HIM.  i have been given ultimatums on we either forgive and forget what has been done and move back in with him, which isnt going to happen, or he will fight me on custody and said my little girl needs to grow the eff up and learn to say goodbye to her mother.  my mom had her pottytrained until christmas morning before we moved back when he put her on her potty seat in the corner because she had a little meltdown over a new toy she wanted put together but he was just getting over his hangover and wanted to watch football.  we cant get her to use the potty because she says shes not in trouble.

i have sought legal advice and the lawyer is afraid of it going ot mediation.. said that he will fight and argue saying I have had her for 2 years and he hasnt.  I take her 2 nights a week to this monster and its been getitng worse. he naps while we are there.  the lawyer said he shouldnt be smoking in the house when she is there, he is.  his rage comes out if his cell phone goes off.  Im scared to death.  I dont want a court forcing anything on my daughter and making her be with him without me.  it gets worse.  I will do anything and everything to keep my daughter with me here and safe and will go to visitiation with her.  i have no problesm with any of that.  hell, I DONT CARE IF HE DOESNT PAY CHILD SUPPORT.  how many women do you know can say that?  But because of my fear of saying no to this man, I let him get me in the bed and im 33 weeks pregnant.  I AM TERRIFIED.  Can anyone help me?

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-9):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 16, 2013 at 9:35 PM

Its not my situation but  I got scared reading this. 

cupcake019
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 9:41 PM

And hes drunk tonight texting me.. wanting me to come out and play with him at various bars. 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 16, 2013 at 10:35 PM
You can stay or you can go only you know whats best for you.
Quoting cupcake019:

And hes drunk tonight texting me.. wanting me to come out and play with him at various bars. 

BeachMommy07
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 10:36 PM


Quoting virginiamama71:

Its not my situation but  I got scared reading this. 



isabellamarley
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:00 PM
Yes that's really scary.. Just curious what part of Pennsylvania? I live here too.
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cupcake019
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:48 PM
I am in Meadville.
TiredbutHappy1
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Seek help through your local domestic violence shelter. They will help upu find a lawyer that specializes in DV. It is obvious your lawyer has no.clue what to do. Also start saving your texts. If you can find a way to send them to your email address and then copy them off.to show the judgehow.crazy he is. Get an order of protection. If need be seek out the cops who helped when he tries to take your daughter. They should have filed a report about it. You can use that when you go to court. Get a court ordered parenting plan in place. Without one he can legally take your daughter and not have to give her back. Document everything he says and does. Also join the DV group on cafemom they will help you a lot. Good luck. PM me if you ever need to talk or just someone to rant to. I've been there..still dealing with my abusive ex and know how it is.
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:47 PM
How scary good luck Hun.
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LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:07 PM
Quoting TiredbutHappy1:Seek help through your local domestic violence shelter. They will help upu find a lawyer that specializes in DV. It is obvious your lawyer has no.clue what to do. Also start saving your texts. If you can find a way to send them to your email address and then copy them off.to show the judgehow.crazy he is. Get an order of protection. If need be seek out the cops who helped when he tries to take your daughter. They should have filed a report about it. You can use that when you go to court. Get a court ordered parenting plan in place. Without one he can legally take your daughter and not have to give her back. Document everything he says and does. Also join the DV group on cafemom they will help you a lot. Good luck. PM me if you ever need to talk or just someone to rant to. I've been there..still dealing with my abusive ex and know how it is.

All the same things I was going to say. You need someone who specializes in DV defending you in court. I know how scary it is but do not give into him, it will look bad at court if you go out with him or do anything outside of your visitations you give him with DD. you can do this I Promise.
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