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Do you wish you hadn't told your ex that you were pregnant?

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Recently I've been wishing more and more that I hadn't told my ex I was pregnant with my son. We were broken up at the time I found out and then got back together because of my ds. Right now he picks him up from time to time and either drops him off with this lady (my son refers to her as "the old lady") who apparently argues with my son about his name and calls me names in front of him. This last time apparently the ex took him to work with him (he's a mechanic and ds is 5). Ds comes home REEKING of smoke and dirty head to toe. I could prob go on for a while on the crap he's done.

I wish I had never told my ex I was pregnant to begin with and I would give up child support right now if he would sign his rights away. Do any of you ladies feel the same?
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by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 4:48 PM
Replies (21-27):
shima
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:52 PM
That's pretty much it. I don't know why he picks him up at all. If he spent some real quality time with him that would be one thing. Ugh instead every time he goes over there my stomach is in knots all weekend and my heart hurts.


Quoting tottaxi:

 




Quoting shima:

If he was a halfway decent dad then I wouldn't have the regrets I have now. This is the same man who couldn't be bothered to attend ANY games or events that ds is involved in. Even if its on a weekend that he actually picks him up on. His suggestion instead of taking him and watching him play? That they need to reschedule his games. Since of course the whole leagues going to rearrange all their games due to his schedule.




 Your ex reminds me of the guy who calls his parenting time "babysitting".


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shima
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:57 PM
That's like my ex. He was all I love you and I want to be there for my son and you, blah blah blah. All I became was a babysitter for his other kids (evil stepmother because he never wanted to set limits/consequences), maid, laundress, and piggy bank. I would seriously come home after working an 80 hr week clean, do laundry and help the kids with any homework/projects that he hadnt bothered with.


Quoting ghostcat90:

Do I regret telling the father...no...do I regret the way I handled some things...maybe.  I was going to dump the guy anyway, but I never saw him again after I found out and rarely talked to him .  I think I was about 5 months pregnant when I last spoke to him and he was wanting to get back together.  I later found out he was just trying to secure a place to live.  I think getting involved with him was the biggest mistake I ever made, but sometimes things happen for a reason and I have this beautiful little girl.  Only a few people know she is his and they would never let him near her (I personally don't think she'd be safe with him...he wouldn't intentionally hurt her, but the people he hangs with and his parenting style are not the best (he has other kids))...and I didn't put him on the birth certificate...and there's no way in hell he could afford to fight me for her.


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Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:00 PM
I think it is really lame and childish to not tell a guy. Kinda ridiculous to not tell him then suddenly serve him with child support when the child is a year or 2? Then claim in court paperwork dad hasn't been around and showed no interest in baby. Women do this all the time and its sad. A man should be told if he is going to be a father.
shima
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:09 PM
I would be fine with 0 child support and no contact. Part of the reason I left him was because I didn't want my son to see him as the example of what a man should be, of how a man should treat his wife, kids, etc. why I married him I don't know....love is stupid?


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I think it is really lame and childish to not tell a guy. Kinda ridiculous to not tell him then suddenly serve him with child support when the child is a year or 2? Then claim in court paperwork dad hasn't been around and showed no interest in baby. Women do this all the time and its sad. A man should be told if he is going to be a father.

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Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Very few women though can do it totally in their own and wind up in some kind of assistance. Even Medicaid often requires the filing of child support. If I were a guy I would be pissed if I found out a couple years later and when the mother goes on welfare the state will go after the father for all of it abd it can pile up to tens of thousands of child support owed. All for a child the dad never knew about.
Aortiz22
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:32 PM

I agree. I told my sons biological father that I had an abortion and haven't heard from him since. He has put his hands on me once and threatened me before I told him which made my choice to tell him that much easier. He hasn't asked or anything or for proof I think he is content living his life. He didn't want a child. Still wish I didn't tell him at all because i do wonder if he will pop up. 

shima
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:41 PM
I have a pretty decent job and my parents and brother have helped me. So I have plenty of family support. They even helped out my ex and I, when the idiot would go buy "toys" for himself instead of help pay for some bills. So I'm not really worried about having to be on welfare.


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Very few women though can do it totally in their own and wind up in some kind of assistance. Even Medicaid often requires the filing of child support. If I were a guy I would be pissed if I found out a couple years later and when the mother goes on welfare the state will go after the father for all of it abd it can pile up to tens of thousands of child support owed. All for a child the dad never knew about.

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