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Meeting with the attorney

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:59 PM
  • 15 Replies
When I decided to end my marriage, I felt it was important to keep the matter out of the courts as long as the ex and I could manage our differences effectively and keep the line of communication open. And it worked for awhile!

The ex has since changed his tune about child support... Contributing less than 49% of the amount of what he should be paying if it went through the DRO! Since the divorce, I've been able to make due, but since graduation is looming and I will have school loans to repay, it's time for the ex to step up and pay his share....

He chose to keep the home and since has moved his Gf and her kids in, while we reside in an apartment. And while I've recently purchased a home for the kiddo and I, I am by no means living beyond our means... My mortgage will be the same as my rent payment.

My argument is that my DD is entitled to the same living conditions that she had when we were married and is still deserving of that! And the ex seems to think otherwise. (Mind you, this post isn't meant to bash him!)

Last week was the final straw, I tried having a conversation with him about support asking only for $30 more a week at which he balked at!!!! (Courts say he would be required to pay over $200/week and is currently paying less than 1/2 that now!) I tried to be diplomatic and maintain the negotiator stance, but I've now decided to let the courts handle it...I've been nice,asked politely, and damn near begged....no more!

Tomorrow is the appointment with the attorney and I just wish I could get over the feeling of guilt I'm having! Why is it that we as single moms are damned if we do and damned if we don't!

It seemed that he had the money to but the GF a new BMW, but doesn't have the $ to support his new daughter...how does that happen!

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by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
yezay
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I hate that feeling. Good luck!
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 child support isnt really to maintain the same living conditions. under that premise, a sahm would "deserve" spousal maintenance and that isnt fair. dad has to support himself too. however, child support is a formula of both incomes, and time spent w the kid (in my state anyways.. others it just goes by dads income.) you dont need an attorney for this. you just need to file with CSE. if you want to keep things civil, id suggest you look online what laws your state has, and what youd be getting legally, then approachy dad w it and say look, this is how much daughter is entitled to, either help out or i will be forced to go to CSE. as far as whether he can afford a beemer for his gf, thats not really your business. however, get what your kid is entitled to.

LilShamrock
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:24 PM
Thanks, I'll need all the luck I can get!


Quoting yezay:

I hate that feeling. Good luck!

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LilShamrock
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:45 PM
Faerie,

Spousal support and child support are two very distinct issues. And much can be debated on that subject! While I appreciate your post, one of the conditioned factors in considering child support is the standard of living conditions that are maintained by both parents.

I'm very aware of the formula used by the court system and I've adhered to that-contributing my financial amount and more every month. My financial obligations are changing and as I've attempted to better my education to ensure a future for the daughter, I face the responsibility to repay that debt which takes money away from what I was spending towards DD.

I agree wholeheartedly about the vehicle situation, but that is simply an example of where his head is at-considering that I've simply asked for the extra $120 month vs. that the extra $400 month that the DRO will take.

My post really was vocalizing about the guilt that I am feeling by asking the court system to intervene is seeking what my DD is entitled too and unfortunately in the county where I reside, it's good to have an attorney present to navigate the gov't red tape.

Being decent and keeping things out of the court system doesn't always work.

Be well,

Sham


Quoting faerie75:

 child support isnt really to maintain the same living conditions. under that premise, a sahm would "deserve" spousal maintenance and that isnt fair. dad has to support himself too. however, child support is a formula of both incomes, and time spent w the kid (in my state anyways.. others it just goes by dads income.) you dont need an attorney for this. you just need to file with CSE. if you want to keep things civil, id suggest you look online what laws your state has, and what youd be getting legally, then approachy dad w it and say look, this is how much daughter is entitled to, either help out or i will be forced to go to CSE. as far as whether he can afford a beemer for his gf, thats not really your business. however, get what your kid is entitled to.


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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 well good luck! you seem to have dotted the i's and crossed the t's.

LilShamrock
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks Faerie!

Be well...

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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:37 PM
Good luck!!!
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Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:37 PM
Good luck!!!
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Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:35 PM

There is almost no way to make living conditions equal esp if he makes alot more than you, but if he is paying under guidelines child support, after a certain amount of time you can petition for an increase. However keep in mind this could trigger a custody battle on his part. He could always petition for more time or do what he can to offset the increase.

LilShamrock
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Thanks all...like I said, we're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't!

I've tried to be decent and fair with the hopes that we could remain focused on what's important- our daughter!
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