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Am I doing the right thing?

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:09 AM
  • 20 Replies

Tonight turned into a nightmare sorry for being long. My ex changed jobs and work # I have been asking the new # for weeks and he has excuses everytime. I got tired of dealing and making plans with his wife not him and then theres conflict at times. I told him several times I had kids with you not her I decide things with you. Well he calls me tonight asking if were still on for friday I said yes and asked again for his # he doesn't give it to me and I said ok I have few things to talk about then I told him how it was wrong to take my daughter to the doctor with out my permission and have her vaccinated 4 shots again when she just had the same shots months before, why not call and ask me, he went belastic and cussing me out excuse my language telling me horseshit and hanging up. I call him and tell him calmly please stop doing things to my kids behind my back, and he keeps yelling, then I went telling him I'm not comfortable how my son calls his wife mommy and she says nothing to correct him, he callsme  b.., fu... there is other kids in the house so they hear them calling her mommy, I tell him I understand and there little but old enough that you can teach them and correct them if you don't they won't learn. He kept cussing me and hanged. I texted him and said how dare you disrespect the mother of you or children and do something like that and let them see theirm mom so hurt, what kind of men are you. I'm 26 and your going 34 grow up and take responsibility. He kept calling and calling I finally answered and said I'm done of you walking on me and taking adavantage of me. When you came back in their life I moved back so you see them more often, I let you have them anytime is this the thanks I get. I told him being that he was disrespectful you won't get the kids. You can meet me once a week for two hours or do a overnight and that is it, he refused doesn't have the money for that drive. I have full sole custody he has no rights or visitations, so I decided no visitation and will go to court am tired of the drama and hurt. Am so proud of myself for stading up to him and taking control.

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:37 AM
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Sounds like you both cannot carry a conversation with each other, without it leading to arguing,  so best to limit how much you talk.

Blessed_Mommy87
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 1:12 AM


We did ggod then it started again, and I don't raise my voice or nothing he yells nad all and I'm still calm, he got anger issues.

Quoting virginiamama71:

Sounds like you both cannot carry a conversation with each other, without it leading to arguing,  so best to limit how much you talk.



steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:23 AM
3 moms liked this

Well since he has not visitation rights and has proved to be an unfit father (all the uneccesary vaccines) I wouldn't allow your kids near  him.  If he wants them he will have to go through the courts.  He can't respect you in front of his own children, and insists on being a jerk it's not worth the pain of allowing your kids to be anywhere near him.  Let him contest the visitation rights AND prove to the court he is worthy of being around his own kids.  Good for you for standing up for yourself.  I lived with emotional abuse for many years, so did my daughter.  My ex is not in her life anymore because of this.

Blessed_Mommy87
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank You, I just wanted opnions and see, I dont want to be a mom and keep them away but tired of it. I didnt even think thats emotional abuse till now.


Quoting steviechick:

Well since he has not visitation rights and has proved to be an unfit father (all the uneccesary vaccines) I wouldn't allow your kids near  him.  If he wants them he will have to go through the courts.  He can't respect you in front of his own children, and insists on being a jerk it's not worth the pain of allowing your kids to be anywhere near him.  Let him contest the visitation rights AND prove to the court he is worthy of being around his own kids.  Good for you for standing up for yourself.  I lived with emotional abuse for many years, so did my daughter.  My ex is not in her life anymore because of this.


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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:33 AM
First off, don't talk to his wife. Tell him you will only discuss the kids if he is civil and nothing else will be talked about. You need to go to court and get it legalized. Until then its best to only text or email so you will have a record of everything. It's not going to look good for you if you deny him visitation though. He's their father and has a right to see them. The problems are between you and him not the kids.
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breebree04
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:29 PM

I would not let him see the kids until you go to court. Not because he was disrespectful to you because that is between you and him and has nothing to do with the kids. I know it can be frustrating because my ex is like this and is very disrespectful to me sometimes but I cannot keep his kids from him because of it. But I cannot imagine that your dd get the same vaccines twice is healthy for her. You are the custodial parent so he should have never done this without speaking to you first. He should be discussing all medical/health related things with you. Especially since your dd doesnt live with him, how can he even assume that he knows everything.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:44 PM
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 Your using the word my, yet at the same time your angry at him for not giving you his work number.  SOmething to reconsider.  Maybe he does not want you calling at work.  You also state you have full custody with him having no rights of viistation.  Why are you complaining? 

You say it's wrong for him to take 'YOUR" daughter to the dr, but isn't she his too..  It may not be petty to you , but at the same itime it could be, due to what/how it happened at the time - I don't know.  The dr should have records of those shots - so there's probably nothing to worry about.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this

 i would tell him he needs to get a CO and i would not talk to him AT ALL if he spoke to me that way. i only talk when he is civil if not CLICK. no back and forth, nothing. and i do not deal w any of my kids dads SO's and as a step mom, i do not deal with BM. thats for SO to handle not me.

MomofCarson09
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:21 PM
1 mom liked this

It is a very hard decision to make for a mom but I think you did the right thing.  I was in a relationship with my son's father for a limited time because of the same type of issue.  it's hard because you want them to be around their father but if he isn't able to communicate with you or act like a grown up when it comes to his children then it's just not good for him to be around them.  Hopefully one day he will turn around but just the simple fact that you made the right decision for you and your children and are sticking to it, shows that you are more than capible and a strong women that those kids need!  Way to go Momma!

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:33 PM
Since your asking for honest opinions...

You both need to work on the relationship you have with each other. You're 26 and he's 34 but it seems that everyone involved has some growing up to do.

I'M SURE THERE'S MORE HISTORY THAN WHAT YOU'VE PUT IN YOUR POST but just going by what I've read your reason for denying him visitation is because you don't like the way he talks to you. In MY opinion that's not a good enough reason to keep him away from the kids. I went through the dumd stuff too but I've NEVER denied him the right to his child. Set aside your personal feelings for this man and think of your daughter. You're anger towards him could interfere in their relationship and I'm sure you don't want that.

Try talking to him again. But use a different approach. Do I think you're doing the right thing? No. But I guess you're doing what you feel is best.
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