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Dating a guy with kids

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 My bf has 2 kids and we've been together for like 4 years, took a break for a few months last year, but live together. I have never spent time with is kids. He lives with me and mine. He doesn't do anything to change it. He talks a lot but doesn't do anything. She hates me and I'd like to choke the shit out of that bitch. But me hating her has nothing to do with how I would treat the kids. She maybe their mother but they just got stuck with that selfish bitch, it's not their fault. My bf decides to deal with the problems it now causes at home between me and him by not seeing them or not telling me when he does see them. He doesn't seem to realize that just makes more problems. I don't know what to do. I just get so annoyed. It's to the point I don't even like to hear anything about them. I know that's not really right either but him having kids just makes so many problems. I hate feeling like that. I don't know what to do. I feel like I shouldn't have even gotten back together with him again. Now I'm stuck till Aug and I don't have the money to get my own place anyways. I just don't know how to handle this. My ex isn't so petty and selfish as she is.

 

CafeMom Tickers

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
Tsmommy106
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:02 PM
I never said I'm not supportive of him having a relationship with his kids. I'm telling him all the time to go see them. We get in to fights b/c I'm telling him to go do shit with his kids & he says he can't. We get in to it b/c I'll see & point out how unfair she is to him.
She has a new bf, that has a kid & they go on hotel trips with all their kids but she still can't grow up to allow him to take his kids. & it's not just me they aren't allowed around. It's anyone, his friends too. If he's allowed to take them it's under her rules, just to his moms to see maybe family. That's it.
I started daring him that's what her problem was. Then I would point out how it's BS that he could only see his kids if he played family with her. Would you like your bf playing family with his ex that still wanted him? I doubt it. No I don't like her, but she's caused most of the problems in my relationship. Yes I'm aware he had something to do with it too. But if she was an adult & could have gotten over the fact that she couldn't get him back & moved on with her life a long time ago. There wouldn't be problems. All she does is use them as pawns. I have a feeling you would try the same shit. I'd hope your ex would take you to court too. I've never done anything against the kids & NEVER would. It should be about them not how petty their mother is. I don't need a relationship with her. She has nothing to do with it. I'm looking for a relationship with them, as the family their father says he wants with us.


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

I'm sorry but it sounds like you cause alot of the toxic problems that are around here. The Dad will never have a normal relationship with his kids due to you and the mom. This relationship should end and quickly. I dont know how any parent can date someone not supportive of the relationship between he and his kids.

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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:01 PM

 this is all wrong.

he doesnt see his kids? wow. dont have kids w this person. he is either willing to not see his kids for a woman or just dishonest or too willing to have his life compartmentalized, which would make me leery and uncomfty. if his BM was refusing to let him see the kids around you, he should have taken back his balls and taken her to court. even if they put that dumb morality clause bullshit in their CO it would only be for overnights. if you are in his life they should know and visa versa. this is too weird.

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:56 PM

Then Dad needs to stop being a doormat. If she is in contempt of any court order he needs to file. He does not have to listen to her unless its in the court order.

Robsessed98
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 5:57 PM
I'm seeing a huge red flag... 4 years and he has visitation and doesn't bring them around? Unless there's a lot more to the story, something is very wrong.
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Tsmommy106
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:18 PM
He doesn't have anything in writing. They were never married & split when their son was just a little baby. That's why she's able to control everything. And "his" oldest isn't bio his he took her on from day 1, long story. So she threatens to have us arrested if he brings them around me or anyone she doesn't know or like. But she can bring them around anyone she pleases, even sleeps in the same room as her bf.

Quoting Robsessed98:

I'm seeing a huge red flag... 4 years and he has visitation and doesn't bring them around? Unless there's a lot more to the story, something is very wrong.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:31 PM

 to be fair i will say that i have said some not nice things about BM and have a pretty low opinion of her but i love her children and never would say anything about her at all around them.

Quoting Lurion:

Given your strong feelings about their mother, he is totally right to keep you away from them!!!

You seem to "know" an awful lot about her--how? Based on what he's told you? 

I would never want my children around a woman who spoke like that about me.  


 

 

 
        
         

Robsessed98
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Wow. Yea, he's not a keeper if he's sat back and let her pull that shit. Doesn't have balls or care what happens with his kids. Personally that would seal his fate with me. Sorry.

Quoting Tsmommy106:

He doesn't have anything in writing. They were never married & split when their son was just a little baby. That's why she's able to control everything. And "his" oldest isn't bio his he took her on from day 1, long story. So she threatens to have us arrested if he brings them around me or anyone she doesn't know or like. But she can bring them around anyone she pleases, even sleeps in the same room as her bf.



Quoting Robsessed98:

I'm seeing a huge red flag... 4 years and he has visitation and doesn't bring them around? Unless there's a lot more to the story, something is very wrong.
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jenn31
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:23 PM

I will be making plans to leave in August.

Lurion
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:10 PM

Wow, if there was any doubt before, you've just convinced me that I would not only not want you around my kids, but probably not anyone's kids! 


Quoting Tsmommy106:

 How would you feel about the slut that while he was over there visiting his kids, she went out and he put them to bed. She came home and got naked for him. What exactly would you call her? She uses the kids as pawns. If he wants to see them they can't be around me and he must give her money, more than just his child support.

Also I may hate her and love nothing more than scratch her damn eyes out, I'm not a total bitch that I would ever say shit to the kids or treat them badly because their mother is a skanky ass whore. None of the BS either of their stupid ass parents have done is on them. They're stuck with them as parents. I can just hope they grow up to be better than them.

 

Quoting Lurion:

Given your strong feelings about their mother, he is totally right to keep you away from them!!!

You seem to "know" an awful lot about her--how? Based on what he's told you? 

I would never want my children around a woman who spoke like that about me.  



 



Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:14 PM
Hence why I have a rule. I don't date guys with kids unless the baby momma is outta the picture permanently. Whether she passed and or she bailed. I DO NOT DO BABY MOMMA DRAMA! Besides no guy ever has to deal with bs from my ex. He has and never will have any right to see MY son. So it's only fair I don't deal w his kids mom.
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