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Single Moms Single Moms

Somethings, you just can't shield them from forever

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:07 PM
  • 11 Replies
When parents split, no one knows how things will turn out. A child maybe blessed with a "working brokenly" situation while others are not so lucky. Being a single parent where the broken situation isn't working, it's scary as hell to know that no matter what you do you can't protect your child from possible hearbreaks, empty promises, and worse them blaming you out of anger because your the one that's there as the safety net. You can't help your child deal with the one thing they feel they need most, their other parent and though it maybe years before they reach that age of questioning, it's the scariest part of being a single parent in a nonworking broken situation. The worst part, is when they are babies you do what you feel is best and safest for them but then it becomes their reality as they become older. A reality you can't control or protect them from anymore. Only hope you succeed in making sure they know you love them and that they can always count on you.

(this is what happens when you watch a show too close to home... You start thinking of things thatnormally you try to avoid because its a waste of time to think about)

~Jamie~

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:20 PM
5 moms liked this
Being a single mom or even having a partner you can't always shield your children. They need to learn from their mistakes and be able to get up and brush things off on their own too. We want what's best for our children and having 2 parents isn't always best.
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Jlcamp
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:24 AM
Quoting LifeCafe42:

Being a single mom or even having a partner you can't always shield your children. They need to learn from their mistakes and be able to get up and brush things off on their own too. We want what's best for our children and having 2 parents isn't always best.





You're right, it'd just be easier if they didn't have to experience that type of hurt. But like you said, that's life : /

~Jamie~

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:39 AM
Agreed

Quoting LifeCafe42:

Being a single mom or even having a partner you can't always shield your children. They need to learn from their mistakes and be able to get up and brush things off on their own too. We want what's best for our children and having 2 parents isn't always best.
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Jazmyn1
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:08 PM
Its tough. My sons dad called and texted for a c weeks after we went to visit him in another state. Well my sons phone isnt always charged so I thought thats why his dad stopped texting. So the other day I text his dad and said he can always call my phone or text mine to talk to our ds. Nothinh so far! My son says he can hear in his dads voice that he doesnt care if our ds visits him or not. So he wont visit him till basically his dad steps up and really wants him to visit him, and texts and calls. He 10 and too smart lol its hard cause as a mom I dont like seeing my ds say he misses his dad but knows his dad doesnt wanna see him and doesnt care. I wanna tell his dad to do these things buy I made them see each other before kicking and screaming ect. And it back fired so I just butt out
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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I see what you're saying and you're right. Unfortunately even ideally married parents can't protect the kids from life and the many heartbreaks and heartaches that go along with it. But, going through the pain can make a person stronger in the long run, so its not always a bad thing. I never planned on admitting this in this group and haven't told it all in over 3 years, but here goes....My oldest was raised solely by me except for the 2 weeks I drove her 900 miles each way to spend 5 days with her dad and sister (not bitching bc it worked for all of us for many years). But, while she knew she had a father that loved her, basically she never had an actual dad which is the most important aspect and I used to feel guilty about that. I assumed if I started from the time she could communicate and raised and taught her the truth openly about his and mine relationship (which was never bad at all. we just always had absolutely horrible timing) that it would just always be a part of her and she would never pop up one day out of the blue and say hey why do my friends have a dad and I don't. It worked bc she never asked a single question or hesitated explaining his absence. When she was old enough to care and understand, she asked about the personal details and I had no problem answering. Funny thing is, until I joined this group, I kinda assumed all moms did it that way. I was shocked for awhile by how many waited for them to ask, until I realized the reason why so many waited until they asked was bc of the fathers dickwad status. It took me like 21 years to fully realize that although my dd only had a dad 2 weeks a year, she actually was lucky bc she always knew he loved her and that he and I have always loved each other. Pretty lucky kid huh. I'm embarrassed about being so naive and clueless about others for so long though.
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Mom2CMW
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:04 AM
1 mom liked this

Your post echoes what I feel daily. (big sigh)

Jlcamp
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:53 PM
Quoting Robsessed98:

I see what you're saying and you're right. Unfortunately even ideally married parents can't protect the kids from life and the many heartbreaks and heartaches that go along with it. But, going through the pain can make a person stronger in the long run, so its not always a bad thing. I never planned on admitting this in this group and haven't told it all in over 3 years, but here goes....My oldest was raised solely by me except for the 2 weeks I drove her 900 miles each way to spend 5 days with her dad and sister (not bitching bc it worked for all of us for many years). But, while she knew she had a father that loved her, basically she never had an actual dad which is the most important aspect and I used to feel guilty about that. I assumed if I started from the time she could communicate and raised and taught her the truth openly about his and mine relationship (which was never bad at all. we just always had absolutely horrible timing) that it would just always be a part of her and she would never pop up one day out of the blue and say hey why do my friends have a dad and I don't. It worked bc she never asked a single question or hesitated explaining his absence. When she was old enough to care and understand, she asked about the personal details and I had no problem answering. Funny thing is, until I joined this group, I kinda assumed all moms did it that way. I was shocked for awhile by how many waited for them to ask, until I realized the reason why so many waited until they asked was bc of the fathers dickwad status. It took me like 21 years to fully realize that although my dd only had a dad 2 weeks a year, she actually was lucky bc she always knew he loved her and that he and I have always loved each other. Pretty lucky kid huh. I'm embarrassed about being so naive and clueless about others for so long though.






Im happy for you that your child has that relationship. my parents where split but every say i woke up at moms then after school went to my dads. My mom picked us up in the eveNing. weekends where split. Since i saw my parents pretty much every day, its hard to grasp the fact that its not like that for my son.

~Jamie~

Jlcamp
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:56 PM
I'm sorry to hear that! I hope your son is eventually able to come to terms with however things work out!

~Jamie~

steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 2:21 PM

In my case, my daughter, me and my ex-in-laws all found out within a month (my in-laws) a week (my daughter) and six days (me) that my ex was having a three year affair and fathered two kids in the process.  My ex was living a dual-life for three years.  Snuck around behind everyone's back to go see the office tramp he worked with.  Instead of trying to work on our miserable marriage, my ex decided it was in his own best interest to have an affair.  Only problem was he embezzled money from me, snuck furniture from the house, had two cars repoed, and literally made me pay the majority of bills and raise our daughter with minimal help from him.  The entire family had to deal with an affair that shouldn't of happened.  Two kids created that shouldn't of happened.  Destroying a family and a 26 yr marriage that shouldn't of happened.  I can't shield my daughter from any of the damage her father did to her.  He has to make up for damaging their relationship.  He has to work on actually being a father.  But, instead, he chooses to lash out at her and everyone else because of all of the guilt he's feeling.  I try to do what is best for my daughter.  The latest is going on after her father in court for non-payment of support.  I won't give up being a proper mother and parent to my daughter.  Her father will continue to show her just how pathetic he is.

Jlcamp
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Quoting steviechick:

In my case, my daughter, me and my ex-in-laws all found out within a month (my in-laws) a week (my daughter) and six days (me) that my ex was having a three year affair and fathered two kids in the process.  My ex was living a dual-life for three years.  Snuck around behind everyone's back to go see the office tramp he worked with.  Instead of trying to work on our miserable marriage, my ex decided it was in his own best interest to have an affair.  Only problem was he embezzled money from me, snuck furniture from the house, had two cars repoed, and literally made me pay the majority of bills and raise our daughter with minimal help from him.  The entire family had to deal with an affair that shouldn't of happened.  Two kids created that shouldn't of happened.  Destroying a family and a 26 yr marriage that shouldn't of happened.  I can't shield my daughter from any of the damage her father did to her.  He has to make up for damaging their relationship.  He has to work on actually being a father.  But, instead, he chooses to lash out at her and everyone else because of all of the guilt he's feeling.  I try to do what is best for my daughter.  The latest is going on after her father in court for non-payment of support.  I won't give up being a proper mother and parent to my daughter.  Her father will continue to show her just how pathetic he is.






im so sorry to hear that!

~Jamie~

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