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How do I explain to my daughter?

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:36 AM
  • 11 Replies

I've been dating this guy for a couple months.  We've known him for a couple years, so DD knows him and I'm comfortable with her being around him.  Anyways, she's 9, almost 10.  My relationship with BF has escalated to some overnight visits, but so far she hasn't been home when he has stayed over.  BF is coming over tomorrow night, and he may end up staying the night if it gets late.  He lives 45 minutes from us.  Any advice on what I could tell DD?   This is my first relationship since my divorce.  DD knows I'm dating him but I'm not sure how to handle the overnight issue. 

 

NO JUDGEMENTAL CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sthflachk
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Hnmmm...my dd is only 3 and I haven't dated yet....bump
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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I wouldn't let him stay the night. Unless you are getting married, moving in together it can be confusing. Also You should talk to her beforehand to get a feel for how she will react. She may be ok with him staying over but she may freak out
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:53 AM

I've already spoken to my daughter - she's much older then yours - about me dating again.  Since my daughter doesn't live with me she could care less if I brought a man home.  Now, if she was living with me I certainly wouldn't do that.  I would spend the night at his place.  I would build up a relationship with him and my daughter for a while before he is able to spend the night at the home in which my daughter and I shared.  It wouldn't be respectful of me to just bring home a man one night and the next day my daughter sees him getting out of my bed.  She is okay with me dating.  Her father and I have been divorced for about 2 yrs now. 

My advice to you is allow your relationship to build with the bf before you introduce him to your DD.  They have to build a relationship before they can adust to a comfort level of him being able to spend the night.  That's what my mom did to introduce us to my step-dad.  She didn't invite him over to spend the night until they were dating for about three months. 

breebree04
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this

She is old enough that you could just ask her how she feels about it. What do you think about ____ spending the night? or _____ is coming over, he may spend the night, how do you feel about that? If the conversation seems weird or she seems uncomfortable with the idea then I would hold off on him staying when shes home. If she already knows you are dating and she is ok with the relationship then more than likely she wont even care.

RJC78
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:34 AM

DD and I both have known him a couple of years.  He's been over for dinner and hung out and watched movies with us several times.  He's not a stranger to her lol.


Quoting steviechick:

I've already spoken to my daughter - she's much older then yours - about me dating again.  Since my daughter doesn't live with me she could care less if I brought a man home.  Now, if she was living with me I certainly wouldn't do that.  I would spend the night at his place.  I would build up a relationship with him and my daughter for a while before he is able to spend the night at the home in which my daughter and I shared.  It wouldn't be respectful of me to just bring home a man one night and the next day my daughter sees him getting out of my bed.  She is okay with me dating.  Her father and I have been divorced for about 2 yrs now. 

My advice to you is allow your relationship to build with the bf before you introduce him to your DD.  They have to build a relationship before they can adust to a comfort level of him being able to spend the night.  That's what my mom did to introduce us to my step-dad.  She didn't invite him over to spend the night until they were dating for about three months. 


 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting RJC78:

DD and I both have known him a couple of years.  He's been over for dinner and hung out and watched movies with us several times.  He's not a stranger to her lol.

 

Quoting steviechick:

I've already spoken to my daughter - she's much older then yours - about me dating again.  Since my daughter doesn't live with me she could care less if I brought a man home.  Now, if she was living with me I certainly wouldn't do that.  I would spend the night at his place.  I would build up a relationship with him and my daughter for a while before he is able to spend the night at the home in which my daughter and I shared.  It wouldn't be respectful of me to just bring home a man one night and the next day my daughter sees him getting out of my bed.  She is okay with me dating.  Her father and I have been divorced for about 2 yrs now. 

My advice to you is allow your relationship to build with the bf before you introduce him to your DD.  They have to build a relationship before they can adust to a comfort level of him being able to spend the night.  That's what my mom did to introduce us to my step-dad.  She didn't invite him over to spend the night until they were dating for about three months. 

 

 

I was 7 when my parents divorced and 9 when my mom married my step-dad.  When she dated him she made sure that he didn't spend the night until all we kids were used to having him around and were comfortable with him.  I know that he eventually spent the night once they were engaged.  My mom made sure that she didn't want me and my siblings seeing her (then) bf spending the night until she was ready for marriage.  She respected how she lived her life after her divorce from my dad. 

 

greeniemommy
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:04 AM

just explain to her the truth she is 9 going on 10 dont think she is stupid .. let her know he want to spend time with the both of you and if it gets to late he will be spending the night sense he lives far away and doesnt want to drive in the dark ..

brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:07 PM

 Talk to your daughter first to find out if she will be confortable for him staying the night - be prepared for any questions she might have for you.  Or tell your b/f  the evening will be cut short by say 9 or 10 the latest and he will have to leave.  Good luck.

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:16 PM
Him being a friend and sleeping on your couch is one thing. If he is sleeping in your bed, your daughter may jump to conclusions/expectations (ie that means you're getting married).


Quoting RJC78:

DD and I both have known him a couple of years.  He's been over for dinner and hung out and watched movies with us several times.  He's not a stranger to her lol.




Quoting steviechick:


I've already spoken to my daughter - she's much older then yours - about me dating again.  Since my daughter doesn't live with me she could care less if I brought a man home.  Now, if she was living with me I certainly wouldn't do that.  I would spend the night at his place.  I would build up a relationship with him and my daughter for a while before he is able to spend the night at the home in which my daughter and I shared.  It wouldn't be respectful of me to just bring home a man one night and the next day my daughter sees him getting out of my bed.  She is okay with me dating.  Her father and I have been divorced for about 2 yrs now. 


My advice to you is allow your relationship to build with the bf before you introduce him to your DD.  They have to build a relationship before they can adust to a comfort level of him being able to spend the night.  That's what my mom did to introduce us to my step-dad.  She didn't invite him over to spend the night until they were dating for about three months. 




 


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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:20 PM
If she's not fully aware of where you are at with him, I'd say start out on the couch. Or if you have an open relationship with her and can talk to her, feel her out beforehand and ask what she'd think about him spending the night and where should he sleep and go from there. The first time can be difficult for some kids, so don't sneak him in and hope you don't get caught. Good luck.
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