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I have no one and no one understands...how do I save my relationship with my parents?

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:03 PM
  • 12 Replies
Please help! I'm at my wits end Im a 24huge year old single mother. My mother and I started our own salon and boutique before I got pregnant . Now I've had my baby girl and I can't work anymore because my baby is very demanding and high maintenance . I've tried bring her to work with me but she cries unstop until I have to go home . Daycare is too much because she is only 11 weeks. It's putting a lot of stress on my mothers and I 's relationship. She always tells me that she didn't ask for me to get pregnant and that she feels like she got screwed over in this deal. I'm always being told that I'm going to make her just like me an introvert and that's not right because I don't even like the way I am . I have to be an introvert because I have no one . Her father is not involved and never has been, my parents will not watch her because they say they never had help and I should be fine . So you see I literally can't do anything . I don't know what to do or how to make this better . All I know is I'm tired of having my baby thrown in my face and me feeling guilty for even having her . Any advice to save my relationship with my mom and my parents? I worked with her all through my pregnancy up until the day I went into labor because she said she needed me and I shouldn't be lazy. I went back to work 4 days after giving birth for the same reason. No one understands why I can't work or do anything. No one understands that I feel like I have no one on my side. My pregnancy and birth and having her should be a happy time but instead its miserable. I haven't got to enjoy any of it . How do I get my mom to stop saying such rude things about me and having a baby? It's too the point to where I just want to give up. How do I make this work and save my relationship with my parents? Thank you
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by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soulofsunmama
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:06 PM
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Quit worrying about them, and focus on doing what's *best* for your baby...you have ONE child, not several.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:50 PM

wave  Welcome to the group.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Babies do put a strain on relathonships, but it'll get better.  Sincethis is your baby, you have to make decisions who's going to be watching her and sometimes parents don't want that initiative.  Good luckl.

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:02 PM

I agree with this.  

Welcome to the group.

Quoting soulofsunmama:

Quit worrying about them, and focus on doing what's *best* for your baby...you have ONE child, not several.


JessLin79
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:05 PM
OMG! I can't believe your parents would treat you that way! Have you tried talking to your mom about only working part time until your baby gets older? You would save on daycare and still be there to help your mom.
That being said, if your mother is going to continue being so rude and unsupportive, you might have to consider putting some distance between you two. It is a tough choice to make, but it sounds like she is ruining what should be a blissfully happy time for you.
Good luck, and enjoy that baby!
Robsessed98
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:20 PM
Wow, I haven't heard of old school tough love in a long time. I remember back when that was the in thing to do with your kids and it caused lots of problem between some of my friends and their parents. I agree with not going the big day care way with a newborn. Can you find an individual that maybe keeps 1 or 2 others at home to watch her? Does she have special needs that make her more high maintenance than other babies, or is she just a little spoiled by constant attention? If she's spoiled, its undoable. Many if not most of us went through it with at least one because its so hard not to pick them up at the first squeak, but you do get over that eventually. As far as mom goes, that sucks and its tough, but you have to stand up for yourself. Tell her that right now YOU are the important mother there is and your life has drastically changed and she can either step back and be a little supportive and less selfish or she's welcome to buy you out and you can step on out of her way. I've been told I can be quite the bitch lately, so I'd suggest using a little more couthe in wording it lol. For real though, if she can't be a little more motherly, and imo grandmotherly, regardless of her reasons, she is only causing you more stress you don't need and frankly might be better off without. As important as your mother and business is, your top priority, especially while you're figuring out how to be a supermom (which takes awhile to learn but you will catch on), your baby and what you have to do to care and provide for her is your number one priority. If another mother, especially your own, doesn't grasp that, well... Lastly, go find yourself a friend! It's not healthy or fair to not have at least one girl. ((hugs))
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IloveElephants
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:44 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this.  It's especially tough on you because you feel so alone.

Can you support yourself without your mom and the business?  Can she buy you out?  Is the business an LLC and there is a written document that states who is what?  If so, I would consider having her buy you out.  She doesn't seem very supportive and it will only get worse because you are also involved professionally.

If you can't support yourself, you may want to consider getting some pubilc assistance to help with childcare and your living expenses.  There are many programs to help you.

Since your parents aren't going to help you, you are going to have to help yourself.  Once you turn your attention to yourself and your baby you can start to become more independant.  Your baby is counting on YOU not your parents.  Once you figure out how to manage your life and how to take care of your child as a single mother, your parents will come around.  It's crappy that they are blaming you for everything, but you can't control what the say and do.  If that's how they want to be, then you will have to remove yourself from that situation.  Not forever, just until you can get your life on a positive track.

Do you go to church?  Your church would be a great resource for caring people who could help.  If you don't have a church, pick one.  One time at my church a lady's house burned down and everyone pitched in to help her.  We donated money, clothes, supplies, food, you name it!  I don't see why a church wouldn't lend a helping hand to get you on track.

Also, do you have regular clients at your salon?  Maybe you could take them with you and go work someplace else.  A lot of salons will share stations, and you could work part time until you get on your feet.

Your parents love you, they are probably just disappointed.  It's not right, but eventually when they see you as the wonderful mother that you are, they will come around.

FeeFee123
by New Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 5:35 PM

I like some of IloveElephnts advice... and I feel for you.  Being a new mom is overwhelming, especially if your baby has high needs and you don't have very much support.  Thanks for sharing your story and I hope your relationship with your mom does get better.  Please take care of yourself first, so that you can take care of your baby and enjoy these times while she is tiny.

   hugs

PandorasWorld
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:05 PM

she needs to stop being selfish. yea parents want us to do the best in the world, but hey we don't live on the that planet. you can't. I agree w/ these ladies. people shouldn't dwell on the what has nothing to do with them. she is your baby and you have given up more than enough of yourself to her and she needs to take consideration. but selfish people don't do that. if and when she sees that a part of you has grown up from that nonsense she would either have to treat you better, or be more miserable in her life. don't forget that old saying misery love company. don't become best friends w/ it. there are to many single moms in this world that has done that. and you will find that out on this site. much hugs to you and baby.

soulofsunmama
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 7:17 PM
Hi and thanks!
=)


Quoting amonkeymom:

I agree with this.  

Welcome to the group.

Quoting soulofsunmama:

Quit worrying about them, and focus on doing what's *best* for your baby...you have ONE child, not several.


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