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Single Moms Single Moms

Wish someone would reach out to me

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM
  • 17 Replies

I know that I have a tendency to be really hard on myself.

However, it is frustrating me that people haven't been reaching out much to me. At least a neighbor has in the past little while.Granted, I can't always answer my phone when it rings. Also, if someone asks if they can do a specific thing for me it may not be what I need and I don't know what is off the top of my head.

I've had it with people telling me what to do. I was living with other's right after he was born, as a new mother.  I've been alone with my 14 mo old since he was 9 months old. I can't seem to shake this interpretation that 1. mothers in my age category are probably the most disregarded, unloved, and disrespected 2. people want to make me accountable for how I'm raising my child (i.e. tell me what's best) if I do get any help from them. 3. If I need help then it must be because I'm not doing something right, according to them

It really seems like my friends and family are hoping that I'm just going to come to them with a victim mentality and ask to be saved. I know that my Mom does...she called me up recently to tell me that things are so hard for me. The time after that, the last time, she made sure to tell me that if I get sick someone would need to help me. My mom must suffer from a personality disorder because she has yelled at me in front on my son about totally unjustified nonsense, so I've been avoiding her. My father and all my extended family has always taken her side - if I give her a piece of my mind she has liked to let these people know how badly I've hurt her. Their position has been sympathizing with her and stepping away from me because my mother also gets jealous if anyone she knows is closer to me than she is. And, she can be a social saboteur and I believe it's because they're afraid of that more than believing I'm wrong. I'm not going to call my parents, my brother, my grandparents, my cousins, my aunt.

I shouldn't necessarily lump my friends into this, but I my friend Kathy (who has helped me out a ton when I needed it most) suffers from epilepsy and is always on a ton of meds. She has been very aloof, especially since her delinquent 16 year old step-son came to live with her, and the last time I visited her I calmly defended my position when she made sure to tell me that she thought Head Start home visits were for parents who didn't know what they were doing. My son has been in Head Start since last fall when I moved into this new apartment. So, she's a tough one too. I've called or texted her in the past few months just to see how she's doing and she's just responded with "what do you need?" I haven't asked her for hardly anything in the past, she's offered - I've been her project. At this point, I want(ed) to be a reciprocating friend.

There's other mothers near me with children just under 2 years that I could possibly trade child-care with. However, I read the book "Map of the World" and I have always felt that I'm about 5 seconds too slow with kids this age. That's about 5 seconds too long.

I guess my only way to be happy and healthy is to make enough money to hire a baby sitter from time to time.


by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BeachMommy07
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:09 PM

I don't really know what to say..I'm sorry for what you are going through.

biomom1437
by Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this

hey don't listen to people with negitive things to say.  i'm a single mom of a 21 month old and i'm involved in early head start too.  it's a great program.  if this is your first kid then you may not always know what to do so having another parent from early head start help you learn things is not a bad thing.  i love my parent teacher from early head start.  she's so nice.  maybe try talking to your parent teacher and tell her your concerns with what others are saying maybe she'll have some advice for some snappy come back to say to all these negitive people.  and sound like your doing the best you can.  don't give up and remember your child comes first if you answer the phone and someone starts yelling or making bad comment you always have to choice to tell them you are busy and don't want to hear there comments.  if that doesn't work just hang up as soon as they start saying negitive things maybe they will get the hint after a while. good luck.  i'll be thinking about you and will pray people start treating you better.

Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:34 PM
Hugs! That's all I can offer and stay away from the negative people.
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ljeanbeans
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Yeah, I think Head Start is great. I would've felt really bad about the fact that T didn't walk until just a couple weeks ago, if they didn't tell me it was fine. It also has given me plenty of ideas on how to encourage his next stages.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:55 AM

stay away from the negative head start is a great program with great teachers. lots of hugs and welcome!

sarahmiamaria
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Your age bracket? How old are you? And your mom is right about one thing, when you get really sick you might need help. I got sick this year so bad I couldn't get out of the bathroom. Thank God for my mom coming to help me so my kids got the care they needed (3.5 and 1 year old) stay positive and focus on you and your kiddo :-)
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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:57 PM
Sorry you're having difficulties. It's always bad when relationships with family become strained. Sometimes its best just to let them be and pick your battles.
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star33
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 feel free to msg me.i can relate somewhat.i have 2 kids, a 6 yr old and 3 yr old.it's rough being a single mom,working F/T and about to go back to school.i just do the best i can.if they don't like it,they can kiss it!!!

i also used babycenter.com and magazines if i had questions or wanted to research something.

why couldn't u watch other people's kids.i've never read the book u mentioned.people let me watch their kids before i had my own.

ljeanbeans
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:52 AM

I don't know. I smoke. I used to avoid babies/kids because I had a daughter I had given up for adoption and it upset me. Mostly though, I just feel like I'm 5 seconds too slow - 5 seconds way too long. Last night I was looking at the computer and baby got ahold of the tissues and when I turned by head the floor was covered with torn up pieces. Not a big deal.

deltathree
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:59 AM

 


Quoting LifeCafe42:

stay away from the negative head start is a great program with great teachers. lots of hugs and welcome!


 

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