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My Ex Thinks Im Being Unfair **The Whole Story**

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Ok so I'm planning my sons baptism an all expenses.. my family is also helping me with alot of as well. My ex wants him an his family to go to the celebration after the ceremony. I don't have a problem with all of them coming but i told him in order for them to get invited he has to pay half the expenses. He got all mad an started yelling that i was unfair an selfish an total b*tch because of it. I feel its that he's his son too an if his family wants to come eat an dance at the celebration its only fair that he pays for half it. Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family could come an have free food music an drinks without helping out with anything. And if doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome.
So am i being unfair? Or reasonable?

**The Whole Story**
When our son was first born my ex ( my husband at the time) that i wanted to baptize our baby. His words were: Fine with me you be in charge of the planning an ill worry about the money. That was all good an dandy for me made me happy. When we split up i told him i still want to Baptise him an if he will still be willing to help. His words were: You can if you want i don't find it important, non of my family is baptized an were all doing just fine, y should i want to invest in something i don't think is important to me nor my family.
So i said: OK that's fine but I'm going to because to me it is important an means alot for me an just the way i was raised. So i start planning for my 47 guests that im having an we're Hispanic an in our culture we are always close with our extended family. Us Mexicans tend to have a big family :)
Anyway so i plan for my family an me. Buying only what i need to buy. I made the invitation myself, i got my cousins making decor, i got my aunts who will be making food, my cousin who is dj will do it for free for me :), got my uncles lending their trucks to haul in tables an chairs, so all is going pretty great...but when my ex came to pick up our son for the day he asked me if he could take our son with him to his family reunion (the day before our baptism) it was fine i had no problem...I blurted out: oh wow that's the day before he gets baptized . Well i guess he told his family an when he came to drop off our son he said: So my family wants to go to his Baptist since they're all goin to be down that weekend.
That is when i got little ticked off an asked him to pay for half since his contains an estimate of 30 ppl. So there's the story
Like come on :/
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Replies (21-30):
Two_Hearts
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

The child is his child , he can at least pay for half of it! Espcially if he wants to add a longer list to the guest list...he sounds pretty selfish.


tottaxi
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I probably wouldn't have even mentioned it to him.  He's acting pretty entitled to think he can come to an event he did not contribute to...and to ask that others be allowed to attend on you and your family's dime is rude and cheap! 

When he pays his half of the total costs he and his entourage can attend.  Until then, hell no.

sarahmiamaria
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:34 PM
If he is wanting to bring as many people as you are then half seems fair, but if it's just a small group of people (gma gpa) then why throw a fit? Maybe ask for a small amount to help rather then half
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MzJReed
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:35 PM
3 moms liked this

You are being very reasonable.  No matter who idea it was to have the baptism, he should do his part as a father to help with it.  That's being fair.

ms-superwoman
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:47 PM
2 moms liked this

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.

mumii17
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 6:28 PM
You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.


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mumii17
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 6:31 PM
2 moms liked this
He has the same amount of people as i do that's why i said half of the expenses if were just a couple of people then probably the only i would have asked for him was to just clean up an that's thats.


Quoting sarahmiamaria:

If he is wanting to bring as many people as you are then half seems fair, but if it's just a small group of people (gma gpa) then why throw a fit? Maybe ask for a small amount to help rather then half

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ms-superwoman
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

Quoting mumii17:

You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.



mumii17
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Yup :) pay up or his guest are unwelcome... they wouldn't even bother to help set up or clean up...either they pitch in in one way or the other or dont come simple is that :)


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

Quoting mumii17:

You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.





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ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:32 PM
Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.

Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."

That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.

If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

Quoting mumii17:

You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.





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