Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My Ex Thinks Im Being Unfair **The Whole Story**

Posted by   + Show Post
Ok so I'm planning my sons baptism an all expenses.. my family is also helping me with alot of as well. My ex wants him an his family to go to the celebration after the ceremony. I don't have a problem with all of them coming but i told him in order for them to get invited he has to pay half the expenses. He got all mad an started yelling that i was unfair an selfish an total b*tch because of it. I feel its that he's his son too an if his family wants to come eat an dance at the celebration its only fair that he pays for half it. Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family could come an have free food music an drinks without helping out with anything. And if doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome.
So am i being unfair? Or reasonable?

**The Whole Story**
When our son was first born my ex ( my husband at the time) that i wanted to baptize our baby. His words were: Fine with me you be in charge of the planning an ill worry about the money. That was all good an dandy for me made me happy. When we split up i told him i still want to Baptise him an if he will still be willing to help. His words were: You can if you want i don't find it important, non of my family is baptized an were all doing just fine, y should i want to invest in something i don't think is important to me nor my family.
So i said: OK that's fine but I'm going to because to me it is important an means alot for me an just the way i was raised. So i start planning for my 47 guests that im having an we're Hispanic an in our culture we are always close with our extended family. Us Mexicans tend to have a big family :)
Anyway so i plan for my family an me. Buying only what i need to buy. I made the invitation myself, i got my cousins making decor, i got my aunts who will be making food, my cousin who is dj will do it for free for me :), got my uncles lending their trucks to haul in tables an chairs, so all is going pretty great...but when my ex came to pick up our son for the day he asked me if he could take our son with him to his family reunion (the day before our baptism) it was fine i had no problem...I blurted out: oh wow that's the day before he gets baptized . Well i guess he told his family an when he came to drop off our son he said: So my family wants to go to his Baptist since they're all goin to be down that weekend.
That is when i got little ticked off an asked him to pay for half since his contains an estimate of 30 ppl. So there's the story
Like come on :/
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Replies (31-40):
mumii17
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:44 PM
Well said (ImaSoulMom) :)
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ms-superwoman
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:46 PM

You wouldn't know unless you asked, which you didn't. Pay up or you can't come? I don't see how you even see that as acceptable. Quite honestly your post makes you sound like you just want money. 

Quoting mumii17:

Yup :) pay up or his guest are unwelcome... they wouldn't even bother to help set up or clean up...either they pitch in in one way or the other or dont come simple is that :)


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

Quoting mumii17:

You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.






ms-superwoman
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:49 PM

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.

Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."

That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.

If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

HLHSmommy
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that is fair, if he wants to bring his whole family he should at least help pay for their costs. It was your plan, but if he cares so much he should have tried to help you plan it. The party is not a must for his attendance and you do not need to go out of your way to accomodate him on this. Good luck, stay strong, and have a good time celebrating.

I had a party for my son's "welcome home day" (the day he was discharged from the hospital). I did not want to include my son's father and his family, because there were already a large amount of guests coming and I didn't want to have their presence affecting the celebration in any way. So, I had a separate celebration where I invited my son's father and his parents for cake and presents on my son's birthday. It was small just us and the two sets of grandparents. The only difference is my son's father was not aware of the large party, but I figured I would share a similar situation and how I handled it. 

mumii17
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Yup I do want the money he owes me well over 4000 second his family never helped in the past when we were together why should i think they would now when we're separated... common sense


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You wouldn't know unless you asked, which you didn't. Pay up or you can't come? I don't see how you even see that as acceptable. Quite honestly your post makes you sound like you just want money. 

Quoting mumii17:

Yup :) pay up or his guest are unwelcome... they wouldn't even bother to help set up or clean up...either they pitch in in one way or the other or dont come simple is that :)





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.

Quoting mumii17:

You misunderstood. I want him to come as long as he doesn't bring extra guests like i said previously if he cant pay up then as the father only he could come








Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're being very unreasonable. Quite honestly, it just sounds like you are trying to make it so he can't come. Either because you know he wont or can't pay the money. Which is quite sad considering the day is supposed to be about your son, not you and dad. SMH It sounds like you are just using your son as a pawn. "You can't come unless you give me money." It is quite sad for the child, especially when he gets older and realizes the immature crap you're pulling. A dad should be able to spend time celebrating a moment in his child's life, the fact that you would want to stop that bonding is sad. I am disgusted.









Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:03 PM
1 mom liked this
You implied that other services can easily replace money. No, they can't. It costs money to feed people.

Maybe he should throw his son a party as well if he likes to celebrate. I am sure his son would love another party thrown in his honor. It is also beyond rude to invite yourself and your family to a party your ex planned. They are exes for a reason and there needs to be respect for boundaries.


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.



Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."



That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.



If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:07 PM
That sounds smart. Glad you were able to celebrate and welcome your son home.


Quoting HLHSmommy:

I think that is fair, if he wants to bring his whole family he should at least help pay for their costs. It was your plan, but if he cares so much he should have tried to help you plan it. The party is not a must for his attendance and you do not need to go out of your way to accomodate him on this. Good luck, stay strong, and have a good time celebrating.

I had a party for my son's "welcome home day" (the day he was discharged from the hospital). I did not want to include my son's father and his family, because there were already a large amount of guests coming and I didn't want to have their presence affecting the celebration in any way. So, I had a separate celebration where I invited my son's father and his parents for cake and presents on my son's birthday. It was small just us and the two sets of grandparents. The only difference is my son's father was not aware of the large party, but I figured I would share a similar situation and how I handled it. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ms-superwoman
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:13 PM

Uh huh. So damaging a bonding time between your son and his dad, over money is the best way to go? Being money hungry is a nasty way to be. SMH

Quoting mumii17:

Yup I do want the money he owes me well over 4000 second his family never helped in the past when we were together why should i think they would now when we're separated... common sense

ms-superwoman
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:21 PM

I never said anything even close to that. I said that there are other ways to help out. It is quite obvious that she is only in it for the money.  All she has said anything about is money. She doesn't care about her son getting to celebrate with his dad or dad's family. It's "he owes me money." "I want money." "Pay up or you can't come." It makes me sick. Ex's for a reason? They have a child together, the father should be invited to celebrate with his child. They are stuck together for years and will have to celebrate many things together. She should get over the selfish money hungry crap and think about her child.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

You implied that other services can easily replace money. No, they can't. It costs money to feed people.

Maybe he should throw his son a party as well if he likes to celebrate. I am sure his son would love another party thrown in his honor. It is also beyond rude to invite yourself and your family to a party your ex planned. They are exes for a reason and there needs to be respect for boundaries.


Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.



Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."



That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.



If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.



ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

They can have separate parties. Dad and his family can set aside time to celebrate with the child. She did not say she would keep him from his son.

Should she then bring her family to his family functions because hey we share a child, now feed us all for free?

As a single mom we all know it is not always about the fun times but also the responsibility and work that goes into raising a child. Maybe it's time the dad learns that as well.

Quoting ms-superwoman:

I never said anything even close to that. I said that there are other ways to help out. It is quite obvious that she is only in it for the money.  All she has said anything about is money. She doesn't care about her son getting to celebrate with his dad or dad's family. It's "he owes me money." "I want money." "Pay up or you can't come." It makes me sick. Ex's for a reason? They have a child together, the father should be invited to celebrate with his child. They are stuck together for years and will have to celebrate many things together. She should get over the selfish money hungry crap and think about her child.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

You implied that other services can easily replace money. No, they can't. It costs money to feed people.



Maybe he should throw his son a party as well if he likes to celebrate. I am sure his son would love another party thrown in his honor. It is also beyond rude to invite yourself and your family to a party your ex planned. They are exes for a reason and there needs to be respect for boundaries.





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.





Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."





That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.





If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.








Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)