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My Ex Thinks Im Being Unfair **The Whole Story**

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Ok so I'm planning my sons baptism an all expenses.. my family is also helping me with alot of as well. My ex wants him an his family to go to the celebration after the ceremony. I don't have a problem with all of them coming but i told him in order for them to get invited he has to pay half the expenses. He got all mad an started yelling that i was unfair an selfish an total b*tch because of it. I feel its that he's his son too an if his family wants to come eat an dance at the celebration its only fair that he pays for half it. Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family could come an have free food music an drinks without helping out with anything. And if doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome.
So am i being unfair? Or reasonable?

**The Whole Story**
When our son was first born my ex ( my husband at the time) that i wanted to baptize our baby. His words were: Fine with me you be in charge of the planning an ill worry about the money. That was all good an dandy for me made me happy. When we split up i told him i still want to Baptise him an if he will still be willing to help. His words were: You can if you want i don't find it important, non of my family is baptized an were all doing just fine, y should i want to invest in something i don't think is important to me nor my family.
So i said: OK that's fine but I'm going to because to me it is important an means alot for me an just the way i was raised. So i start planning for my 47 guests that im having an we're Hispanic an in our culture we are always close with our extended family. Us Mexicans tend to have a big family :)
Anyway so i plan for my family an me. Buying only what i need to buy. I made the invitation myself, i got my cousins making decor, i got my aunts who will be making food, my cousin who is dj will do it for free for me :), got my uncles lending their trucks to haul in tables an chairs, so all is going pretty great...but when my ex came to pick up our son for the day he asked me if he could take our son with him to his family reunion (the day before our baptism) it was fine i had no problem...I blurted out: oh wow that's the day before he gets baptized . Well i guess he told his family an when he came to drop off our son he said: So my family wants to go to his Baptist since they're all goin to be down that weekend.
That is when i got little ticked off an asked him to pay for half since his contains an estimate of 30 ppl. So there's the story
Like come on :/
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Replies (41-50):
soulofsunmama
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:39 PM
I seriously couldn't agree more!

Quoting ms-superwoman:

I never said anything even close to that. I said that there are other ways to help out. It is quite obvious that she is only in it for the money.  All she has said anything about is money. She doesn't care about her son getting to celebrate with his dad or dad's family. It's "he owes me money." "I want money." "Pay up or you can't come." It makes me sick. Ex's for a reason? They have a child together, the father should be invited to celebrate with his child. They are stuck together for years and will have to celebrate many things together. She should get over the selfish money hungry crap and think about her child.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

You implied that other services can easily replace money. No, they can't. It costs money to feed people.



Maybe he should throw his son a party as well if he likes to celebrate. I am sure his son would love another party thrown in his honor. It is also beyond rude to invite yourself and your family to a party your ex planned. They are exes for a reason and there needs to be respect for boundaries.





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.





Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."





That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.





If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.








Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.




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Robsessed98
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Sorry, but you're being totally unreasonable, selfish and maybe a bit spiteful. You are the one planning the event, not you and him. Are the guests you're inviting going to pay for their own food and drinks too, or does that just apply to your ex, I mean your son's father, grandparents and his other relatives? No, that is really wrong.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:20 PM
I agree with the other ladies he should contribute but he isn't going to. This is for your son so if you want him to be there invite if its only a few extra people if let it slide but ultimately your decision
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Lurion
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:24 PM

Wait, are you asking all the other guests to pay their way too? Or just the baby's father? 

Isn't this all about your son and all of his family should be at such an important event? This isn't about money. 

You've really got a long road ahead of you, raising this child if this is your attitude. 

So I vote YES, you're being unfair and more than a little b*thcy. 


brieri
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:46 PM
3 moms liked this

 There appears to be somethng missing from the post.  Mothere states she makng all the sole plans wih her parents intervening with the help of providing for the after celebration and who is being invitd.  The question is who invited the father and his family to be there? If mother invited him and the family, no the father should have no reason to pay for it.  If the father has invited himself and hs family to show,then yes he should help pay for part oftheexpenses and stay the entire time and help also to clean up. 

Does the father have any part about the childs baptism?  If yes, he should help pay for the expenses for the after ceremony if he is inviting himself, If he was invited by the mother then no he should not be held accountable for the after ceremony celebation.  The celebration is a choce  mother made, it is not  mandatory.

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I would ask can he contribute something, at least a 100 for their food.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mumii17
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 9:00 AM
Well i put up the whole story...


Quoting brieri:

 There appears to be somethng missing from the post.  Mothere states she makng all the sole plans wih her parents intervening with the help of providing for the after celebration and who is being invitd.  The question is who invited the father and his family to be there? If mother invited him and the family, no the father should have no reason to pay for it.  If the father has invited himself and hs family to show,then yes he should help pay for part oftheexpenses and stay the entire time and help also to clean up. 


Does the father have any part about the childs baptism?  If yes, he should help pay for the expenses for the after ceremony if he is inviting himself, If he was invited by the mother then no he should not be held accountable for the after ceremony celebation.  The celebration is a choce  mother made, it is not  mandatory.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mumii17
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 9:01 AM
My guest are least helping in some way...


Quoting Lurion:

Wait, are you asking all the other guests to pay their way too? Or just the baby's father? 

Isn't this all about your son and all of his family should be at such an important event? This isn't about money. 

You've really got a long road ahead of you, raising this child if this is your attitude. 

So I vote YES, you're being unfair and more than a little b*thcy. 



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mumii17
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Well maybe you should read my whole story :/


Quoting Robsessed98:

Sorry, but you're being totally unreasonable, selfish and maybe a bit spiteful. You are the one planning the event, not you and him. Are the guests you're inviting going to pay for their own food and drinks too, or does that just apply to your ex, I mean your son's father, grandparents and his other relatives? No, that is really wrong.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ms-superwoman
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Two parties because mom is selfish? No. Whether she likes it or not, dad and his family are her sons family. I cannot stand money hungry woman. If the father was doing the exact same thing everyone would be up in arms about the father saying "pay up or you can't come." eye rolling

Quoting ImaSoulMom:


They can have separate parties. Dad and his family can set aside time to celebrate with the child. She did not say she would keep him from his son.

Should she then bring her family to his family functions because hey we share a child, now feed us all for free?

As a single mom we all know it is not always about the fun times but also the responsibility and work that goes into raising a child. Maybe it's time the dad learns that as well.

Quoting ms-superwoman:

I never said anything even close to that. I said that there are other ways to help out. It is quite obvious that she is only in it for the money.  All she has said anything about is money. She doesn't care about her son getting to celebrate with his dad or dad's family. It's "he owes me money." "I want money." "Pay up or you can't come." It makes me sick. Ex's for a reason? They have a child together, the father should be invited to celebrate with his child. They are stuck together for years and will have to celebrate many things together. She should get over the selfish money hungry crap and think about her child.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

You implied that other services can easily replace money. No, they can't. It costs money to feed people.



Maybe he should throw his son a party as well if he likes to celebrate. I am sure his son would love another party thrown in his honor. It is also beyond rude to invite yourself and your family to a party your ex planned. They are exes for a reason and there needs to be respect for boundaries.





Quoting ms-superwoman:

You're really trying to compare shelter to a party? That's like comparing apples to a brick wall. I never said he shouldn't help out, he should. But not letting family come celebrate because she wants money is ridiculous and sad.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Setting up and helping out is nice. But it does not replace the money needed to buy extra food.





Try that anywhere else. If i went to my apartment manager and said," I can't pay my rent but I can help out. Clean the vacant apartments and pick up litter."





That wouldn't work to pay the phone bill or groceries either. He is the father and raising a child costs money. The fact that he doesn't want to chip in for his family's expenses is sad.





If he were so inclined he could plan and pay for an event for his child as well. Children are expensive. That's life.








Quoting ms-superwoman:

You said "Why should my family an i put soo much planning an money into this just so he an his family..." Then said "doesn't want to pay for half then well im sorry they are unwelcome."  'They' would refer to him and his family. No where in your post does it say that he is welcome to come without the uninvited guests. I don't care if they come help set up, or break down, or cook, or whatever. That would be extra help, no? But you are saying pay up or you can't come. That is sad.







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