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Edited with update: Nice to know I'm such a failure

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My Mom basically called me this today. I warn you this is a bit long.

Thursday night I had a meeting at work. I took my son to dance and then over to my Mo's to watch him until my meeting since it was from 9pm to 10. So he stayed the night. He didn't have preschool the next day as they were closed for a staff day so he stayed the day there. When I got out of class at 3 I called to let her know I was on my way home. She told me that her and my son were invited to her friends house and that there were going to be a few kids his age and could he go. I said sure as it sounded like fun. I ended up meeting some girlfriends for dinner and came home about ten. I was actually really excited to have him stay because I am redoing his bedroom is a superhero theme and thought it would be a great surprise if he came home to a new bedroom that he said he wanted. He had no idea I had ordered all the stuff so I stayed up til 4am Friday night getting the decals up, curtains, new sheets etc etc.

Saturday they are still at my mom's friends house. My son was supposed to come with me to a friends baby shower but since they were still pretty far away she told me to just go ahead and go since they wouldn't be back in town in time. So at 3pm I call them and yes, they were at my Mom's house but she tells me that she told him he could stay the night again. I wasn't really happy about it since I miss him and weekends are supposed to be out time since during the week is so busy but since she already told him he could, I was kind of put in a bad spot.

So this morning I'm calling and calling since I wanted to take my son to see the Croods. He has never been to a theater before and I think he is old enough now to be able to sit that long and not lose interest halfway through the movie. Well she says he has a slight fever. So I go over there and bring lunch. When I get there it is just one insult after another about how awful it is that we live in a poor area of town, how awful it is that my parenting time is limited during the week because of school and work, and how awful it is that I can't afford to send him to a top notch preschool rather than the public one. Then I find out that my big bedroom surprise is no longer a surprise because not only did she tell him, she showed him the pics of his room that I posted on Facebook. Then she tells him AGAIN that he can stay the night without asking me. I said clearly I would prefer him home since it's a school night and then they both start having a fit. So I admit I was pretty upset and caved just because I wanted to find a corner and cry in.

So now I'm home by myself again and just.. I don't know. I'm just crying and crying. I try to do the best I can. I try to make sure he has everything. I have him in soccer, dance, T-ball, Ice skating, he always is dressed well. I read to him before bed. He gets hugged and kissed more than he actually wants. So why am I such a failure in her eyes? I can't make my degree get finished overnight. I can't work a really great paying job if I'm in school 3 days a week. 

What does she want from me? My son? Because that's what it feels like. I thought that maybe she was jealous that I was redoing his room because I had some extra money but that seems silly. I just don't know what to do now. Part of me wants to just go and rip him home and never let him over there again but she is his grandma and he adores her. It's like she is competing for something but I have no idea what. 

Edit: You ladies are so kind! Thank you for all the hugs and advice. I sat down tonight and told my Mother that she overstepped her bounds in a big way and that I am not her punching bag so whatever is really bothering her she needs to work through it. She got very defensive and a bit mean but when she began picking a fight I just told her I wasn't arguing, I said what I wanted to say, and I was taking my son home and to run errands. Then we left. I have no idea what the response is going to be but probably the silent treatment for a few days which may be best. 

Oh and whoever said he would still love his new room, you were right! He walked in and shrieked with happiness. He has been up there being a superhero ever since and has only come downstairs to hug/kiss me and tell me he loves his room and now he is "just soooo cool! You know why Mommy? Cause I have Captain America in my room! And Hawkeye! And Thor! and Iron man!"

My Mom and I have a lot to get worked out still but I didn't think doing it with boy in the next room was the time to hash it out

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:15 PM
Replies (11-12):
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:40 PM

Just know you are a single parent in school yourself doing the best you can for your child. You do not need validation from his grand mom or anyone else. Be proud of yourself and have a sit down with her and let her know how you feel and remind her some things she really needs your permission on... remember  also Grandparents , part of what they do is spoil their grandkids but do not let her belittle you in the process...

by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:43 PM

 I work and go to school. My parents are more than happy to help me watch my son while I go to school or if I have to work on the weekend. I'm doing it to provide for my son and make a better life for both of us. I don't understand why your mom wouldn't support you in that. That's what parents are suppose to do. I'm lucky that my sons father pays for him to go to a private school, otherwise he'd be going to public school. There's no problem with it at all. My son only started at private school because I needed a full day Kindergarden.

Your son will always love you. You are his mom. He won't care if he goes to public school or a top notch, swanky ass school. If you live in a mansion or a little apt. He has you and you love him and care for him, that's what matters. Maybe try writing your mom a letter. Get everything off your chest. She can read it and digest it. Than maybe you two can sit and have a civil conversation. It may make you feel better just to write a letter, even if you don't give it to her. Good Luck!!!

CafeMom Tickers

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