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pregnant and single. having a hard time with my ex

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 11 Replies

hello everyone. im new to this group. i have a story to tell. me and my bf thought we were pregnant so i took a test and i was. we both decided that we werent going to keep it. even before i even got pregnant we talked about it. we both had alot going on with school and working all day. we set up an appointment. the day of he didnt call me, i was waiting for his call but we didnt talk until the afternoon. it kind of seemed like he wanted me to be pregnant he didnt really try you know?...but then one day i was thinking and my whole decision changed. i grew up in a christian home and i just couldnt do it. i decided to keep the baby. i finally got my first sono and i showed him. i was about 4 5 months. after that day he stopped answering his phone for 2weeks. and then we slowely started to seperate. we are not together anymore. and the only time he answers his phone is when i ask him about anything else besides the baby. hes still in denial. hes still mad at me for not thinking about his decision when i did. and i didnt want that. ill text him questions about the baby and he doesnt answer at all but if its about his job or other stuff he will. he has a daughter and a son with his previous relationship. i just dont freakin understand why he cant get over my decision to keep the baby. i know its alot for him but its also alot for me. i dont know what else to do. and he onyl calls when hes drunk. he says he wants to be a part of the childs life but idk ill just have to wait and see if he will be here for the baby when she gets here. im due may5. have any advice on why he might be acting this way.

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Robsessed98
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Men are strange creatures. Its a tough situation and you have to prepare yourself to raise the baby alone and move on with your life, but leave the door open for him to at least be a dad if he wakes up and chooses to be there. You can't know or understand where he's coming from now, but you may later on. I went through that with dd1's dad. We were great until I got pregnant and refused to even consider abortion. I finally made the hardest decision of my life and left when I was 4 mos bc I didn't think he would ever accept my decision. I didn't see him again until she was 6 weeks. When he held her the first time, he fell madly in love and cried. He finally told me that by the time I moved out he had started to accept it, but he was still very angry so he let me go, even though he didn't want to. He had his/our life planned out and there wasn't room for a baby in it for several more years. He said that for a long time he felt like by forcing him to be a father, I had stolen his control over his own future and it not only pissed him off, but it also terrified him. I had not ever thought about it like that, but it actually made a lot of sense. But by that time we lived 900 miles apart and both our lives were complicated, so even though we tried to get back together several times the next few years, the timing was just never right. He usually only got to spend about 2 weeks a year with her, but at least she always knew him and knew he loved her.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:17 PM
1 mom liked this
You will probably be doing this alone be ready. My sons father thanked me for keeping him but isn't part of my sons life and I thank him for that.
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:42 PM

Welcome! 

It sounds to me like your baby's daddy needs to do a little growing up.  It's possible that when he sees his little girl, holds her in his arms, for the first time that he'll come around, but I wouldn't expect too much.

Quoting dancermom9:

hello everyone. im new to this group. i have a story to tell. me and my bf thought we were pregnant so i took a test and i was. we both decided that we werent going to keep it. even before i even got pregnant we talked about it. we both had alot going on with school and working all day. we set up an appointment. the day of he didnt call me, i was waiting for his call but we didnt talk until the afternoon. it kind of seemed like he wanted me to be pregnant he didnt really try you know?...but then one day i was thinking and my whole decision changed. i grew up in a christian home and i just couldnt do it. i decided to keep the baby. i finally got my first sono and i showed him. i was about 4 5 months. after that day he stopped answering his phone for 2weeks. and then we slowely started to seperate. we are not together anymore. and the only time he answers his phone is when i ask him about anything else besides the baby. hes still in denial. hes still mad at me for not thinking about his decision when i did. and i didnt want that. ill text him questions about the baby and he doesnt answer at all but if its about his job or other stuff he will. he has a daughter and a son with his previous relationship. i just dont freakin understand why he cant get over my decision to keep the baby. i know its alot for him but its also alot for me. i dont know what else to do. and he onyl calls when hes drunk. he says he wants to be a part of the childs life but idk ill just have to wait and see if he will be here for the baby when she gets here. im due may5. have any advice on why he might be acting this way.


Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Honey... he didn't want you to keep the baby because he didn't want to have to pay more child support... period!

easinpc
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:51 PM

Hugs!

lucasmadre
by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 3:38 PM

I am sure if you re-read your post it will be as obvious to you as it is to me, he isn't mature enough nor does he want a baby right now. I'm sorry for you but it looks like you are going to be raising this baby by yourself...it isn't the end of the world but I am sorry it worked out this way for you. Try to be practical and don't waste time hoping he will come around, plan for you and your babies future!  XO

wachala216
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 4:13 PM

ot took my daughters father 3yrs 2 be apart of her life and she 6yr old.

dozen21
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:05 AM

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH I HAD TO DEAL WITH THE SAME THING AT FIRST IT BOTHERED ME AN THEY SAY THAT IN THE BEGINNING THEYLL BE AROUND BUT DONT... I GOT PREGNANT AN MY BD DIPPED OUT ON ME AN WHEN SOMEONE ELSE CAME IN MY LIFE HE ALWAYS CAME AROUND BUT CLAIMED THE BABY WASNT HIS. EVENTUALLY YOU GET OVER IT ITLL BE THEIR LOSS. I DIDNTHAVE THE HEART TO HAVE AN ABORTION AN THAT BOTHERED HIM YOULL BE OK IT GETS EASIER

MasaFlowers
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 3:34 AM

Move on, find your resources and educate yourself about how to make things better for you and your baby.  Do not wait for him, the miracle will not happen, and only you can change things for yourself.  Seek help with a therapist if you have to and learn to love yourself to love your child.  He should pay for child support whether he wants to or not, if he chooses not to be in the baby´s life, so it be, don´t force anything and keep track of all records.  Good luck to you and know that you are not alone, I´m going to a similar ordeal as yours.  At first I was devasted, but after seeking help from a counselor and knowing that my family will be there for me, I can finally begin to think that I can do this!  And so can you!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:28 AM

You may find yourself being a single mom afterall.  What is your bf like with his other two kids?  Is he a father to them or does he just financially support them?  That should prove to you what kind of a father he will be do your child.  Unfortunately, not every male is made to be a father.  They simply can't accept responsibility for their actions.  My ex is like that.  He has actually walked out on two of his kids already. He has two more with the tramp that broke up our marriage.  I have accepted the fact that my ex is a louse/loser in life and will continue to be.  Start looking into finishing your education and look into a job to help support you and your child.  I hope you are able to get cs from the bf as he has two other kids to provide for.  I know it's a rough road ahead for you, but you CAN and WILL make it.  We are all here to help support you. 

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